Dysfunctional Camaradeire
by KivaEmber
Summary: HichiIchi. Chapter 10: Hichigo learns that Hollows and Kido don't mix. HichiIchi.
1. Armistice

**Title:** Multitudinous Seas Incarnadine  
**Fandom:** Bleach  
**Pairings:** IchiHichi  
**Rating:** T+  
**Disclaimer:** I'm only saying this once, **I. Do. Not. Own.  
****Summary:** It started with a deal. An unlikely friendship started between Shinigami and his Inner Hollow that turned into something unexpected. IchiHichi.

**A/N:** I'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED!!! Thanks to this quote from the episode; _"You will fear my power Ichigo, I will break you! You will not see me as your slave but your master! I'll make you scream out as a Hollow!"_ Suggestive or what? Plus Hichigo looks fricken awesome! He's scary but his badass-ness makes it all better! Anyway, since that rant is over with, I hope you enjoy this (Whisper, if any of you are curious about the title, it's from Macbeth)!

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"_It's a Kaisicle."_

_---Lauren_

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**EPISODE #1: ARMISTICE **

Hichigo scowled upwards at the cloudy sky, golden eyes narrowed in irritation. It had rained for three times in a row that week and he'll be damned if he'll let it rain for a _fourth_ day! His gaze drifted to the silent 'mysterious' Zangetsu whom was standing at his favourite perch, the upright flagpole.

And was perfectly _dry_.

How the spirit of the Zanpaktou succeeded in remaining dry in a constant downpour was beyond the albino Hollow, but Hell if he was going to ask that good-for-nothing creepy emo for help. He harrumphed and crossed his arms. He didn't need anyone's help!

The sky gave a loud rumbling before it released its burden and soaking Hichigo for the fourth time that week.

A slender white eyebrow twitch in annoyance. Mustn't kill King…mustn't kill King…mustn't kill King…

The downpour became heavier.

"Gyah!"

"Is there a problem?"

Hichigo scowled at the – _dry_ – Zanpaktou and flipped him the birdie. "I'm wet. If it doesn' stop soon I'm gonna throttle King!" He shook a fist at the vertical sky. "Hear that King! I'm gonna kill yer unless ya stop being Emo like the livin' rock over there!"

Unsurprisingly there was no answer.

"Pleh!" He huffed and swiped sopping snow-white bangs from his black-golden eyes and glowered hatefully at the – _**dry**_ – Zanpaktou spirit. "Do you know why he's bein' emo?"

"…"

"That's alrigh', take yer time…bastard…"

Hichigo paced angrily up and down the building and growled ferally as the downpour refused to cease. "STOP RAININ'!" He roared, waving his arms in a slashing motion erratically.

The downpour continued.

"Little- Look! Listen ta me! STOP! RAININ'! Oi, King!"

"That will not work."

Hichigo released a small gurgle of surprise that would later be denied from existence and whirled round to the – _**dry**_ – Zanpaktou spirit; the maniacal grin on his face belied the spastic tic in his cheek. "Then what will?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

The grin slid off his face and an aura of calmness overcame him. "Why that's a great idea." His spirit energy skyrocketed and his face contorted with rage. "Like Hell! I doubt King'll tell me anything! Grahhh!" He whirled round and roared incoherent insults at the raining sky.

Zangetsu sighed.

* * *

Ichigo flopped onto his bed and wondered if one could die of stress by having their brain implode.

The fact that the increase of Hollow activity and schoolwork – he still needed an education as he couldn't very well tell his teachers that he already had a job as a fricken' Soul Reaper – he barely had time to sleep or eat – or shower as Karin kept pointing out to Ichigo's annoyance.

He could tell his stress was irritating his inner Hollow, as the days went by he could feel Shiro's spirit energy become more and more agitated. He threw a tanned arm over his amber eyes and slid them shut. Hollow or not, he was going to get some sleep dammit, even if Grimmjow was spying on him through his window.

Within two minutes someone rapped on the aforementioned window and he released an almost inhuman growl.

Sitting upright, the dark bruises under his eyes looking purple under the low light in his bedroom he glared at the intruder sitting on his windowsill. Rukia waved, hand clutching the pager that alerted them to a Hollow's presence.

He opened the window with more force than necessary and glowered at the dark haired Soul Reaper. "What?" He snapped harshly. Why did a Hollow have to appear _every minute_!? It was like when Ishida started that stupid contest between them to see who could kill the most Hollows.

Rukia paused then scrutinised him closely. The orange haired Soul Reaper looked ready to either keel over from exhaustion or snap – which would be a bad idea since his inner Hollow would most likely gleefully go on a rampage throughout the city – and shook her head. "I was going to inform you on another Hollow spotting but…" She sent a thinly veiled look of concern. "I think I'll take care of it and inform Renji instead."

Ichigo grunted and fell back onto his bed. "Whatever. Sleep. Night." He grunted brokenly, already feeling himself being dragged into the comforting blackness of sleep. Rukia gazed at him for a minute longer before disappearing without a sound.

As he fell deeper into sleep, he could hear a voice growling out; _"This fuckin' rain won't stop! Dammit King! STOP THE RAIN! STOP BEING EMO!"_ Ichigo mentally sighed as Hichigo continued to rage and shrugged it off. He could care less if Shiro possessed him or not now, all he wanted was sleep.

* * *

The downpour degraded into a light drizzle and Hichigo grinned in triumph. It only cost him a slightly raw throat from all that shouting but it stopped raining – kinda. He ignored the Zanpaktou spirit sigh.

"I think Ichigo won't be able to keep this up."

Golden eyes narrowed, the maniacal grin frozen in place. "So you _did_ know what's up with King." He scoffed and twirled round. "What's wrong with 'im then?"

"…An increase of Hollows is stretching him to breaking point."

Hichigo snarled. "He should've let _me_ take care of that! I'm perfectly capable!" He huffed, but then grinned. "Well…he'll be pretty deep in sleep so…" Giggling his too-wide grin stretched his alabaster face. "His body is free to control!"

Zangetsu sighed again. "His body is exhausted. So will you if you take control."

Hichigo slumped briefly before grinning. "Che. Whatever." He glanced at the grey sky. "I'm capable of fightin' tired or not." He released another insane giggle, oblivious to Zangetsu's exasperated glance to the sideways sky above. Then a look of realisation dawned on Zangetsu's face and the Zanpaktou smothered a smirk.

"Actually, I think I have a better idea…"

* * *

Ichigo's amber eyes fluttered open and met the cloudy rumbling clouds of his messed up sideways inner world. He sighed and stood, his black Soul Reaper robes rustling with the movement.

"Yo, King."

Ichigo briefly grimaced at the mocking sarcastic drawl and turned to meet the black-gold gaze of his bleach white counter part. "What do you want?" He snapped; he wasn't exactly jumping to the chance for a most likely gruelling match against his inner Hollow.

"So much hostility." The snow-white haired Hollow grumbled. "Well…to answer yer question, King, ya need a break." He plastered on his favourite 'Insane Grin™' and stalked towards his black clad King.

Ichigo's face deadpanned. "What? And let you run amok?"

The Hollow scowled and swiped a flippant hand. "I won't 'run amok', King." He paused briefly and grinned again. "Or maybe I will…" He was standing a mere foot away from the Shinigami and prodded a lazy black nailed finger at his bare chest. "Wanna fight?"

Ichigo easily swatted the pale hand away and took a step away. "Not really, no. But I can't have you running about doing God knows what with my body!" He shifted into a defensive stance, prepared to summon Bankai when his Hollow counter part attacked.

To his surprise, Hichigo scoffed and stepped backwards, obviously trying to make himself seem less threatening. "Hold yer horses, King. I ain't gonna fight yer if ya don't want to." He seemed a little put off by this but the grin still remained on his pale face.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What…?"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Hichigo jerked his arm sharply to cut the Shinigami off and his grin grew wider. "Don't question my once-in-a-lifetime offer, King!" The pale Hollow shrugged. "I had to look at yer memories ta keep me amused since Zangetsu and his pole are as entertainin' as watching paint dry, so I guess I'll be able ta act like ya."

Ichigo blanched. "Y-You…you've been looking at my memories!?"

Hichigo rolled his eyes; the golden glow in his eyes glinted mischievously. "S'that a problem, King? We _do_ share the same body." His grin became sly as Ichigo growled and lunged sloppily at him.

He easily sidestepped the move with exaggerated flourish and sighed. "There was nothin' interestin' in them…pretty boring this 'School' thing is." He examined his black nails with a neutral face. "S'not like I watched ya shower or anythin'."

Ichigo seemed slightly mollified but the expression of someone discovering a voyeur watching them shower remained on his face. "I'm not letting you use my body, everyone else would sense your Hollow reiatsu and think the worst."

"Zangetsu will take care of _that_." Hichigo scoffed.

Ichigo blinked. "Zangetsu's in this too!?"

"'Course. It wouldn't do if my _King_." This was emphasised mockingly. "Died from exhaustion and took us all with him. My only condition is that ya let me out durin' battles more. Like I said, it's borin' with just the livin' rock."

Ichigo frowned, the clouds above swirling with confusion. Could he trust his inner Hollow not to use his body for nefarious purposes? If what Hichigo said was true, then Zangetsu would make sure that he behaved himself – how, he wasn't sure – and he'd get a little vacation, but the only problem was…"What if Rukia and everyone sees through your acting?"

Hichigo grinned; obviously he knew Ichigo was considering it. "Well, either I'll fight 'em off or-" he added quickly noting the expression on the orange haired Shinigami. "I'll just switch places with ya and pretend nothing out of the ordinary happened."

Ichigo weighed the pros and cons, he'll get a vacation from all the stress of being a Shinigami and school, just him and his inner world, the cost however, was letting a psychotic Hollow who is prone to berserker fits to masquerade as him and be in contact with all of his friends and family.

He narrowed his amber eyes at the amused black-gold ones of his inner Hollow. If he _did_ allow Hichigo to do this, and nothing harmful to his friends and family happened, does that mean that some form of alliance could happen? Two heads _are_ better than one, if they didn't snap and swipe at each other and actually effectively worked together…

Ichigo shook his head. "I don't believe I'm actually agreeing to this…" He grumbled. "Fine. I…agree. But!" He suddenly snapped, seeing the triumphant look on the albino's face. "If you hurt any of my friends or family…or anyone else for that matter intentionally, then I'll take immediate control and you won't be allowed to…to…" He cast about wildly for what he could cut Hichigo from. "You won't be allowed to enter fights _at all_."

Hichigo raised a dubious eyebrow. "At _all_? Even when yer gonna die without my help?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah." He held out a hand, mentally kicking himself for actually _agreeing_ to this madness. "Deal?"

"Remember, if I do this right, I get out to fight more." Hichigo grinned happily, gripping Ichigo's tanned hand in a firm grip and shaking it. The albino Hollow paused thoughtfully. "Y'know, this was the most civil conversation we ever had."

Ichigo huffed and crossed his arms. "Yeah, neither of us are bleeding or getting stabbed." He glared at Hichigo pointedly at that and the albino Hollow sent him a mocking scandalous look. "You stabbed me too!"

Ichigo snorted, a hint of a smile on his usual scowling face. "Whatever, now shoo." He made a flapping motion with his hand. "Aren't you supposed to be acting as me?"

Hichigo stuck out his blue tongue childishly before dematerialising from Ichigo's inner world with a final shout of "Emo!" Ichigo growled and shook a fist.

"I'm not Emo!"

Unbeknownst to the two, Zangetsu smiled, standing atop of his upright flagpole. _Now once they work together, they can be stronger than ever._

* * *

'Ichigo's eyes fluttered open, briefly glowing gold before fading to their previous amber. The orange haired teen sat up and stretched the kinks out of his back. 'Ichigo' looked round his room curiously and an uncharacteristic grin spread across his face. _'Finally! Now what does Ichigo do in the mornin'?'_

Rifling through the Shinigami's memories, 'Ichigo' slumped. "School." He grumbled irritably, the previous questionably sane grin slipping into a sour grimace. He quickly checked that his Hollow reiatsu was eclipsed by Ichigo's own Shinigami reiatsu and stood. "From now until King comes back from vacation, Hichigo Shirosaki is now takin' the role of substitute Shinigami."

'_I wonder what'd happen when I slip out of King's body?'_ He mused quietly. Would he be his usual albino self? Or would only his eyes and mask be present? _'I'll burn that bridge when I get there I guess…'_ He concluded.

So, first order of business would be to get changed. He paused. Dressing. He glanced down at his temporary body, which was clad in a crumpled white T-shirt and baggy jeans. He blinked then turned slightly to see the School Uniform draped over the back of a chair.

Hichigo tilted his head then nodded to himself. He easily slipped the T-shirt off and grabbed the top part of the uniform. He couldn't help the smirk that curled round his lips. He _should've_ felt uncomfortable in undressing King's body but…his smirk grew when he imagined King's expression when he discovered that he also cleaned it.

He smoothed the creases from his uniform and ruffled his now orange hair. The customary grin was plastered on his face that looked strange on King's face. Hichigo quickly schooled it into Ichigo's scowl and using the mental image of a dry Zangetsu during a downpour. His scowl deepened.

Second, breakfast. Hichigo hummed. King didn't eat souls did he? He ate human food. He contemplated it briefly before once more checking that Ichigo's reiatsu eclipsed his, that his scowl matched Ichigo's and leaving the room – mindful to pick up the white schoolbag – to get breakfast.

As he descended the stairs, Hichigo scoffed. This should be a piece of cake. Act like Ichigo for a day or so without anyone catching on he was actually Ichigo's inner Hollow. Simple.

If only it _was_ that simple.

* * *

Rukia looked up when Ichigo entered the room, he blinked when he spotted her and waved a lazy hand. "Hey, Rukia." He grumbled before flopping onto his seat at the breakfast table.

Yuzu placed her older brother's breakfast before him who picked at it disinterestedly before shoving a bit into his mouth. Rukia tilted her head, he looked a little better than last night but his behaviour seemed a little…off.

She scrutinised his closely, discreetly examining his reiatsu, Ichigo's was at the forefront but his inner Hollow's was closer to the surface than usual, in fact…it seemed like the Hollow's reiatsu was _feeding_ Ichigo's.

She frowned. Could the Hollow be _helping_ Ichigo? After all, if a lower level Hollow catches Ichigo off guard, not only would its host die and it along with him, but it would also be humiliated. But why not simply possess Ichigo? She shook her head and returned to the breakfast. Ichigo is far too stubborn, exhausted or not, to allow his Hollow to take over.

If only she knew.

* * *

Hichigo was mentally doing a victorious jig.

He'd panicked a little when the female Shinigami looked at him suspiciously and wondered if he slipped up just by greeting her. But then she shook her head and resumed eating her dinner.

He successfully tricked a Shinigami!

But it didn't make the strange glances King's father kept shooting at him stop worrying. Didn't his father usually greet him by attacking his son? (Hichigo wondered if this was a strange human custom or that King's father was just weird)

After a couple of minutes, King's father, Isshin, lunged forward. Instincts kicked in and Hichigo raised a foot and slammed it into King's father's face to keep him at bay. He frowned at him and on spur of the moment murmured. "You have to try better than that old man."

This must've been the correct thing to say as Isshin proclaimed that his son was getting better, and cried to the poster of King's mother when Hichigo scathingly replied that he was simply getting slow in his old age.

Rukia and King's family have been fooled. None of them were wise to the fact that it wasn't Ichigo sitting at the table but Hichigo. He smothered a grin by lifting his cup of orange juice to his lips.

Man was he _good_.

* * *

Ichigo was surprised how comfortable the buildings could be.

He admits, despite his relaxed position, there was a gnawing in his gut as he wondered just _what_ Hichigo was doing with his body. He hoped that the albino Hollow wasn't killing anyone at all.

He narrowed his eyes against the glare of the sun above and stretched out his muscles. Didn't he make the deal to relax? He closed his eyes and cleared his mind. If Hichigo messed up or something, he'll deal with it _after_ his vacation.

He's allowed to be selfish for once…right?

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**A/N:** Ooooooh! How's that for the beginning? Will Hichigo successfully fool everyone that he's Ichigo? How did Zangetsu stay dry? And when will the IchiHichi start? Stay turned, for Multitudinous Seas Incarnadine!

P.S: If any of you are wondering why Ichigo's body's eyes didn't change to Hichigo's black-gold, is because that you – my opinion anyway – cannot change the physical appearance of the corporal body because the soul is different, take Kon for example. His voice will be different, gruffer, but not Hichigo's underwater effect. Hope that clears some things up!

KE


	2. Subterfuge

**Title: **Multitudinous Seas Incarnadine

**Rating: **T+

**Pairings:** IchiHichi (Possible side pairings later)

**Disclaimer: **KivaEmber doesn't own BLEACH™ nor is she making any profit off this.

**Summary:** IchiHichi. It all started out as a deal, it soon turned into a friendship and something more.

**A/N:** I'M SOOOOO SORRY!!! The delay was longer than usual because my shitty computer threw another hissy fit (which are quite infamous and frequent) so I had to wait for it to cool down. I had to camp out in my brother's smelly bedroom and write this on _his_ computer – that doesn't have internet access – and is older than the Macintosh. Oh, I also had an epic fight with spellcheck – and lost TTTT – so ignore any misspellings or typos I've done.

But enough of the excuses…time to give you a summary of the chapter!

**Chapter Summary:** Problems and theories ensue.

I like to thank:

**YaoiHeartless123  
****Afrieal  
****SoraXNamine  
****Eos-hime  
****xxkiokoxx  
****FieryFreedom  
****phantomschmerz  
****Kougyoku  
****MissFlesh  
****narakunohime  
****Shandul-kun  
****Invader-Nehima  
****Barranca  
****PFT  
****Glue Project  
****bleachrules1314**

Thanks a lot for reviewing guys! You made my day:D

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_There are two things that are infinite; the Universe and human stupidity…though I'm not too sure about the Universe."_

_--- Anon._

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_Memories, Shiro learnt, were fickle things._

_He didn't have any real memories of his own, other than the ones where he could snatch fleeting moments of freedom from King's inner world and the boring ones in King's inner world. So the Hollow passed the time by examining King's memories, trying to understand if the _Nature Vs Nurture_ Theory made his King strong (though in his opinion, the redhead still sucked)._

_The emotions clung to the memories, something that choked him occasionally when stumbling across the more potent ones. He stayed away from the ones that the King had of his mother (she was the epitome of motherhood, Shiro mused, ignoring the strange clutching in his chest from the thought), happiness wasn't something he enjoyed from his King, and the bittersweet sorrow made his long forgotten heart stir enough that he feared it would start beating again._

_He dwelled on the ones that contained the fast paced frenzy of fighting, bloodshed and desperation, since he was born from such things it would be simple that he should wallow in the heated drunkenness of endorphins from battle. But eventually, under the blue skies and steel grey rain in his King's inner world…_

_He started visiting _that_ memory._

_The one where King's mother died. Why? He doesn't know, maybe to laugh at his King's earlier weakness or something, but he didn't laugh, not so much as a loose snicker or psychotic grin. The memory was potent – too potent – the emotions wrapping a noose round his neck every time he visited it._

_It made his heart beat._

**EPISODE #2: SUBTERFUGE**

Shiro was sure that at this point in time, the Universe was rolling about laughing, though rolling on what was uncertain but it was probably the cause of all this mess.

He had to ditch the female Shinigami since he wasn't _too_ sure on his acting skills – knowing how one acted and actually _acting_ as them were both similar but different things. This was easy as the orange haired female – Orihime…? Damn, he needed to learn King's friends' names – had ambushed them by the canal and simply mumbling some excuse not even he knew, slipped away leaving Rukia to drown under the well endowed teen's breasts.

Only to run into a Hollow.

And King's corporal body _sucked_.

Big time.

Unable to call forth Zangetsu – the bastard was most likely _laughing _at him along with the Universe at this point – and unable to simply _Shunpo_ away to buy enough time for him to exit King's body to slice the Hollow to bits, Hichigo was left with nimbly evading the slow lumbering beast's sluggish swipes.

"Tch. This ain't my day."

When the Hollow – a giant Pig…Monkey? – overstretched itself and tripped over its own…trotters, Hichigo immediately took his chance and danced a good 20ft away, slamming the Spirit Medallion into his chest and allowing King's body to drop soullessly to the ground.

As it were, he came out in his usual washed-out fashion, though a new addition of having half a mask on the left side of his face in this form. "Ahh, that's new. Whatever, _now_ we're talkin'!" Drawing Zangetsu from his back and the black bandages unwrapping themselves from the Zanpaktou's blade, the albino _Shunpo_ towards the gaping Hollow.

Two minutes later, the Hollow possessed teen was stretching his limbs, trying to get used to having a corporal body again. Always in his Soul form, it felt strange to actually move around in a _living_ and _breathing_ body, weighed down by organs and unable to access one's reiatsu to its full potential, it made him feel a little…vulnerable.

"Nnnggh! Why'd I want this crappy body again?" Hichigo asked the sky imploringly, receiving no answer as usual, the Hollow possessed teen swiped a hand dismissively and continued on his way. "Ah, the Hell do y'know?"

Though he had to admit, weak body aside, it felt nice to be alive and walking about outside.

Hichigo immediately snarled and shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. Why'd he want to be weak? Living was overrated anyway; it wasn't much different from being _dead_! He wanted King's _Soul_ body, brimming with reiatsu that tasted so _sweet_, not this stupid meatbag!

As he watched the humans scurry past, oblivious to the predator that was preying on them a scant few minutes ago; the resentment grew in his chest. They all still had their souls complete, not cracked and divided like his and King's, they were Whole. Why did _they_ get to have their souls unbroken? Still have hearts?

Hichigo shook his head again, the corners of his lips twitching upwards into a toned down crazy grin. Did it matter really? They probably took it for granted and didn't know how powerful a whole soul is against a broken soul like theirs. And King wonders why he's so obsessed with snatching his body from him.

He's only trying to _fix_ it. With him in control of course.

* * *

School was as boring as King's memories painted it.

As soon as he even set a toe onto the premises, his gut told him that today was going to suck horribly and Hichigo was not going to be held accountable for any missing limbs or corpses. The fact that Renji – in all his hippy fashion glory – was storming towards him, (looking vaguely constipated too, Hichigo thought absently) his fingers clenching where the hilt of his Zanpaktou should be, proved this.

He kept his face completely set in King's customary scowl – and his facial muscles beginning to hurt in the process, how does he do it? – as the irate redhead marched right into his face, seemingly…pouting? Creepy.

"Where were you last night? I like fighting as much as you do, Ichigo, but c'mon, I was almost outnumbered!" The redhead took a step back to jab at his chest. "You're getting lazy, berry-chan! Soon I'll be able to beat you because you got rusty!"

Hichigo twitched. He _despised_ having his strength questioned – especially by a constipated Pineapple – so it took every single scrap of willpower not to slug the tattooed Shinigami in the face and stab Zangetsu repeatedly into sensitive areas. "Tch. In ya dreams, Pineapple! A lieutenant shouldn't be whinin' jus' cause ya had to do more work than usual, anyway! Yer tha one gettin' lazy!"

Renji was highly insulted by this – which was good news for Hichigo as the redhead seemingly didn't notice 'Ichigo's new accent – and once more got into the Hollow possessed teen's face. "Say what? How about we have a fight right here and now?"

Common sense swiftly kicked Hichigo in the metaphorical ass – a rarity in itself – hissing that there was sure to be negative reactions to seeing an albino Hollow masked Ichigo slipping out of King's corporal body so, no matter how much it grated on his nerves, he had to back down. "And panic tha surroundin' students coz two guys passed out fer no reason?"

"Ichigo's right, Renji." A female voice reprimanded the redhead coolly. Rukia eased into the macho standoff smoothly – probably taking lessons from Byakuya – and sent a stern glare in the scowling tattooed Shinigami's direction. "I can't drag both of you away without suspicion."

Renji scoffed and eyed the Hollow possessed teen. "…Alright. How about later, then?"

_How 'bout no?_ "Maybe." Hichigo drawled lazily, gliding past the seething redhead at a laid back pace and away from the two Shinigami. He stifled the urge to twitch when he felt two pairs of eyes scorch his back, one furious and the other suspicious.

* * *

Renji groused under his breath and flipped the retreating back of Ichigo off. "Damn him! I know he's stressed but jeez, doesn't have to act anal about it!"

"I don't think that's Ichigo."

Renji screeched to a halt. "Huh?"

Rukia sighed heavily. "Did you notice that he had an accent…one similar to a certain Hollow's? And his eyes are more golden then brown? _And_ his reiatsu has been messed up a little?" The female Shinigami of Squad 13 shook her head. "I think you were just talking to his inner Hollow."

Renji's eyes narrowed and he turned back to where the Hollow possessed teen had vanished. "Damn! We've got to stop him before someone gets hurt!"

"No."

Renji turned to Rukia in mild horror, staring as if the woman suddenly had a marine animal attached to her face. "What d'ya mean, 'no'?! We've got a Hollow possessing Ichigo here _surrounded by vulnerable humans_! They'd be slaughtered!"

Rukia sighed and ruffled her dark hair. "I know but…he hasn't done anything _yet_. If you've noticed, the Hollow's reiatsu is feeding Ichigo's – which has been lower then usual – so it probably _isn't_ possessing Ichigo so much as influencing him as the Hollow reiatsu is purified and melding into Ichigo's." He waved a hand. "But that's one of my theories. Either way, provoking him when he's doing nothing wrong is disastrous at the moment until we know exactly what's up."

Renji blinked, silent for a couple of seconds as his mind wrapped round the lengthy explanation Rukia said. "…Right. So do nothing yet until he does something suspicious…should we tell the others?"

"Ishida probably knew as soon as…'Ichigo' came within ten feet of the school, but telling the other Shinigami could cause them to attack first and ask questions later." She shot the squad 6 lieutenant a frigid glare. "So keep you mouth shut and eyes open!"

Renji hastily backed up, waving his hands before him protectively. "Okay! Okay! So…shouldn't we be keeping an eye on him _now_?"

Rukia rolled her eyes and marched towards the school with the redhead in tow.

* * *

'_What a bunch of morons.'_

It was surprisingly easier then he expected to fool the Shinigami (though Rukia suspected something he could easily handle her) and King's equally stupid friends would be fooled too! A satisfied smirk briefly flittered over his face, but he quickly smoothed it into a scowl. Damn! His facial muscles are _really_ beginning to hurt!

"If you want to fool everyone that you're Kurosaki, you'll have to try better then that."

Hichigo froze in the middle of the – thankfully – empty hallway at the snide voice. The Hollow possessed teen pivoted on his heel and scrutinised the stoic Quincy nonchalantly. "Eh? Oh…it's tha fairy Quincy." He stated more to himself then his singular audience. "Seems like someone's brain ain't kept in a jar."

Ishida adjusted his glasses, blue eyes void of any emotion. "I would have thought you'd have gone on a rampage throughout the city, Hollow." His fingers reflexively twitched. "Not play acting."

Hichigo grinned, noticing how the Quincy's fingers twitched a second time. "Eheh, well ya see fairy-boy, me an' King had a deal…though King only knows half of it." A tinge of smugness in his voice for this obvious deception. "The Old Man, Zangetsu, can be clever when he wants to." This was the perfect place to slip in some snickering, so the Hollow did so.

Ishida, however, was not amused in the slightest. "Oh? Why would Kurosaki make a deal with you?" The unspoken _'what'_ hovered between the two.

Hichigo frowned lightly, inwardly cackling when the Quincy seemed to tense at the Hollow's displeasure. "Eh? Why? Well, that's private, fairy-boy." His grin slid back into place, more of a show of teeth then anything. "But don't ya worry, fairy-boy! I ain't gonna kill anyone today…jus' some Hollows."

"…I should think so." The Quincy said slowly, almost as if testing the waters. Hichigo was amused by this. "But if you try anything-"

"King'll be displeased." Hichigo finished, a brief flash of thought and the Hollow possessed teen's face slipped into a stony mask, bronze eyes hardening; the Hollow was mentally pleased at the spike of nervousness in the Quincy's reiatsu, though the dark haired boy's features showed nothing of it.

The two stared each other down, but before anything could be said which would cause dismemberment on both parties' account, a cheerful shout of, "Uryuu-kun! Kurosaki-kun! Good morning!"

Hichigo's first thought was: _'Breasts have arrived…with a girl attached.'_

Ishida obviously didn't want to move his eyes from the Hollow possessed teen lest aforementioned Hollow possessed teen snatched a cheap shot by 'accident' so Hichigo, after sending a look of bemusement towards the Quincy, turned to Orihime with Ichigo's customary scowl set, though softer then usual. "Hey, Inoue."

As the three trailed towards their classroom, Rukia and Renji caught up halfway there. Ishida sent a concealed meaningful look at the two Shinigami, catching Rukia's eye; he tilted his head towards the Hollow possessed teen's back questionably. The female Shinigami nodded solemnly.

With three people keeping an eye on the redhead, he wouldn't be able to harm anyone without an arrow up the ass, Ichigo's body or not.

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**A/N:** Phew, now that's out of the way, I can start on my History coursework and Music piece (I'm such a procrastinator). No Ichigo this chapter, but he'll be in the next so don't worry! Rukia, Renji and Ishida are onto Hichigo already? Wow, he's not very good at acting, ne? Don't worry, things get…more chaotic next chapter! ;)

**PREVIEW: HAZARD**

Ishida: We must keep an eye on Ichigo's Hollow.

Rukia: Agreed, so no provoking him Renji!

Renji: I know, I know! Jeez…

_beepbeep_

Rukia&Renji: Huh?

Renji: SHIT! A Vasto Lorde!

Rukia: And it's not even 9:00am.

'**TILL NEXT TIME FOLKS!**

**KE**


	3. Hazard

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Rating: **T+

**Pairings:** IchiHichi (Possible side pairings later)

**Disclaimer: **KivaEmber doesn't own BLEACH™ nor is she making any profit off this.

**Warning: **Cussing, Slash, shonen ai, yaoi (whatever), violence, blood, dying, innuendos, mediocre writing skills…list goes on…

**Summary:** IchiHichi. Their relationship was dysfunctional at best, but Zangetsu was going to make them comrades even if it killed them.

**MUST READ MUST READ! **

**A/N:** My computer is the shittiest thing next to poorly done Mary-sues. My computer is not working properly again, but be glad that Dad's giving me a laptop soon _with_ Internet access. I updated this in school between exams (ugh, History) so I hope you enjoy it. Fight scene sucks by the way, my planning sheet got tango'd. And I decided to change the title too. :P

This is _after_ the Soul Society thingy, involving the Vaizards and Bount would be too much trouble at this point (ignore the mention of Grimmjow in the first chapter kiddies) and the first meeting with Vaizards is essential for the IchiHichi. I forgot to add that in the last chapter, sorry.

The fight scene was originally three pages long and very detailed, but the compooper struck again. My planning sheet got tango'd and four times this has been deleted. So I to make the part where they go from school to the battle…non existent. I gave up writing it after the fourth time of it being deleted so please forgive me! After Christmas I'll be having a BETTER compooper and it'll be updated quicker and longer chapters then. I'll probably come back and rewrite it at some later date. But I decided to do it in the style of the second episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion with the whole battle scene in flashbacks, a different writing style I'm working on. If you haven't watched Evangelion, SHAME ON YOU! Oh, a Beta position is open to anyone interested by the way.

The beginning mini-drabbles before the chapter title are background stories I wasn't able to slot in to give Ichigo and Hichigo more depth by the way, enjoy peeps!

**Chapter Summary:** Ichigo and his Hollow sort some things out…

I like to thank:

**saurian: **(Flails and falls down plot-bunny hole) MY NOTES! SO **YOU** HAD THEM!

**Lady Geuna:** Thankies!

**hollow kenpachi 13:** Stupid…fucking…COMPUTER!!!! Eh? Just let me kick the shit out of this before I can think of reviewing within a week…pass me the harpoon scallywags!

**YaoiHeartless123:** I'll try, my compooper is being temperamental.

**jayanx: **Hichigo thinks he's awesome, and we let him think that coz he is cool. And plenty of chaos will ensue, uwehehehehehehee! (Gets clubbed)

**Stoic-Genius: **Well, I'm trying to keep the stalking trio in character; they're going to be suspicious of Ichigo's inner Hollow since he tried to kinda…carve Byakuya up like a Christmas Turkey. They're being cautious. But I'm glad you like my story so far!

**crystal cerberus: **Thanks!

**Afrieal: **Thankies! I will!

**SoraXNamine:** Coursework is an evil bitch, especially History. (Tango's history paper) Ah, shit.

**xxkiokoxx: **It was hard going, Hichigo wasn't behaving for that chapter and he's being even more rebellious in this one. (Smacks Hichigo-Muse with chapter notes) Follow the script! The SCRIIIIIPT!!!

Hichigo: CERO!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

**Kougyoku:** Whoa. Calm down. The Hardcore Yaoi won't be for a while yet, and as what Ichigo's been doing…wait and see ;) (is evil that way)

**MissFlesh:** Hichigo is a bad actor. Everyone's found out within the hour. Thanks for the review! Trying to keep it realistic and not outlandish…

**Invader-Nehima:** School work eats up IchiHichi planning time, and my rebellious compooper ain't helping (glares at crappy machinery), this one was late coz of GCSE exam thingys – I've failed Law, hands down TTTT – and the damn compooper. I'm a terrible procrastinator :P

**Barranca: **Isshin is _very _suspicious, but Ichigo doesn't know he's an ex-Shinigami so…(shrugs), Isshin's a wild card at the moment, and I'm not sure _what _he's going to do. And as for the Vasto Lorde…Hichigo's bitten off more than he can chew is all I'm saying.

**bleachrules1314:** Unfortunately the _Hardcore _IchiHichi won't be for…5-ish chapters, my notes are vague on that, but plenty of hints will be dropped to sate your thirst. Just hang tight! Plot before pleasure.

**narakunohime**

**FieryFreedom**

**phantomschmerz**

**Eos-hime**

**Shandul-kun**

**Anonymous**

**PFT**

**Glue Project**

Thanks a lot for reviewing guys! You made my day:D I have 23 readers! W00T! (ish happy)

**WORD COUNT: **3, 827

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"_The only thing Harry could think of was how strange it was that Lord Voldemort was scared of radios."_

_--- How I learned to stop worrying and love Lord V, Harry Potter fanfic_

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_The blood was thick on his hands, Mother looked pretty but the blood staining his hands and her cardigan were out of place, he could only cry._

_But there was a harsh comfort, crooning poisonous purrs whispering in his ears, soft gentle caresses that left razor thin welts down covered skin and damp cheeks as his soul screamed for Mother. He vaguely heard something crack under the cacophony of sobs and rain._

'_**Poor little King.'**__ The voice crooned maliciously yet comfortingly. __**'I'll get rid of all that blood, hm? I'll take care of ya.'**__ And the world, the sprawled lifeless figure fell away and the sharp agonising caresses turned soft, molten golden eyes in a sea of black winking out of existence as the blood vanished and he fell away from the world and Mother._

'_**I'll make it all better, Little King.'**__ The voice crooned, no longer poisonous. __**'I'll protect ya and soon you'll protect me.'**__ Soft purrs. Warm comforting caresses. Mother is dead. But he'll join after._

'_**Your mine to break. Not hers.'**_

_Perhaps that was true._

**EPISODE #3: HAZARD**

_Hichigo snarled, the cracked mask disintegrating rapidly as the Vasto Lorde swiped faster than he could block, serrated razor claws tearing his shoulder and ripping muscle and splintering bone. He shrugged it off, the black pulsing Hollow reiatsu regenerating the wound instantaneously._

_The mask was breaking faster then he could fix it, King's shouts and struggling to seize control isolating his concentration from the brawl; the seven foot insect Hollow, thick black carapace unscathed despite powerful strikes from Bankai Zangetsu, was blemished darker in places where the albino Hollow's blood splattered._

'_**Dammit King stop it!'**_

_Concise lull in blows, he never saw it coming._

_The bipedal ant like Hollow struck faster than Hichigo could blink, King's shouts of warning deafened by the sickening snap of splintering bones and flesh and muscle torn savagely as the Vasto Lorde's clawed hand buried deep into the stunned albino Hollow's chest and exploded out of the other side in a cascade of crimson._

_Screams, from him or King or perhaps the other Shinigami idiots who knew? But raw tumultuous agony and emotions scrabbled sadistically at his mind and body as the Vasto Lorde wrenched its arm out, taking some fragmented pieces of bones and tissue and he fell backwards._

"_**ICHIGO!"**_

* * *

"You crazy Hollow. We almost died."

"Thanks to ya."

The inner world was overshadowed by storm clouds, the occasional rumbling of thunder the only thing giving away the orange haired substitute Shinigami's anger. "You should've let me take control." He growled, a flash of lightning striking an overhead skyscraper. It went ignored. "You panicked my friends with that stunt. They probably think of me as some vicious Hollow thing now!"

"Ain't that true though? I mean, I'm a part of ya, King." The albino Hollow didn't seem all that regretful, but neither did he look happy. "S'yer own damn fault, King. If ya didn't _distract_ me…"

"Distract you!? You waltzed out of my body in your-" Ichigo gestured violently at this emotionless Hollow, "-bleached self and almost made Hitsugaya kill us! Then you had to leap into battle with everyone thinking I've been possessed and trying to 'exorcise' me!"

Anger flashed in the Hollow's eyes briefly. "Yer a fuckin' idiot, King! I'm far more powerful than ya! I was the only one who could've fuckin' killed that bastard, but ya had to go and distract me!"

"I want to defeat my enemies myself!" The substitute Shinigami roared. "It wasn't any of your business!" The whole world was lit up in blinding lightning bolts.

"I **AM** YOU!" The Hollow snarled, his distinctive accent lost in his fury. Marching forwards he gripped the front of the brown eyes teen's shihaksho and shook him, as if that would help the substitute Shinigami see sense. "YOUR ENEMIES ARE MINE, IDIOT! I'M SUPPOSED TO **PROTECT** YOU FROM THEM BECAUSE YOU'RE MY KING!"

Ichigo growled and swatted the black nailed alabaster hands from his shihaksho. "I don't remember belonging to anyone!" The orange haired teen spat. A booming roar of thunder almost drowned out the Hollow's next words.

"You **do** belong to me King!" His golden eyes burned in molten rage. "You're mine to hate. You're mine to kill. You're mine to _break_." The albino Hollow laughed mirthlessly. "The same way I belong to you."

The two glared at each other as the sideways sky howled and snapped with thunder and lightning. Zangetsu sighed heavily as Ichigo opened his mouth to snap back a reply. This incident would either draw them closer by somehow clearing the air or estrange the Hollow further, causing complications. Right now, the best thing to do was to let them release some steam on each other.

"I'm King." The teen growled roughly. "You said that if any of them found out you would've switched control to me."

"Well," The Hichigo drawled maliciously. "The Hollow trying to _eat your friends_ demanded more attention, _King_." The albino Hollow stepped away from Ichigo and paced erratically. "I thought that your friends' souls were more important than control."

"Don't give me that crap!" Ichigo spat. "You don't give a flying rat's ass about them! You just wanted to fight and an excuse to kill my friends!" He exhaled harshly and ran a shaking hand through orange locks. "_Why_ the Hell do you exist!?"

Silence engulfed the inner world, the thunder rumbling to nothing as droplets of rain splattered onto the three occupants of the inner world. The albino Hollow paused in his pacing, dulled gold eyes flickering to the trembling substitute Shinigami.

"…I've existed since your mother died." Hichigo murmured. "You've just never noticed me before." Ichigo didn't reply. "…Fine." The Hollow suddenly hissed venomously, startling the redhead. "Fine! You don't _want_ me! No matter what I did! No matter how many times I helped you!"

Ichigo looked bewildered for a split second before regaining his earlier anger. "I was _fine_ without _you_! I was perfectly _sane_! But you-" He gave a strangled laugh. "-the fuck is wrong with me!?"

"You made the deal."

Ichigo chuckled hysterically. "Yes. Yes I did. I'm insane to think- they're probably thinking you've killed me." The non sequitur threw Hichigo off-kilter. "They're probably wondering what the Hell is going on."

"Hell, I'm _wonderin'_ what the Hell's goin' on." The albino Hollow muttered. The heavens split open and unburdened itself, the harsh ice cold rain soaking the three occupants instantly. "And dammit King, stop bein' pathetic. Yer not makin' this situation any better."

Ichigo just laughed quietly, gripping his orange locks as if to try and keep a stronger hold on his dwindling sanity. "First with the non stop Hollow attacks, making a deal with you and now…" He giggled hysterically.

Hichigo sighed, mentally shaking his head at the irony. "Seems like I'm the only sane one 'ere." He grumbled, shooting a poisonous look at the stoic Zangetsu. He swiftly stepped in front of the substitute Shinigami caught in his mental breakdown and slapped him.

Ichigo jerked, the sting of the cold slap jolting him out of his little meltdown. Taking a couple of deep steadying breaths, the rain lessened to a drizzle and the inane urge to just _laugh_ vanished. "Thanks…" He muttered hoarsely, rubbing his reddened cheek gingerly. Hichigo certainly didn't hold back.

"I'm the insane one, King." The albino Hollow drawled. "Can't have you takin' my spot." He waved an alabaster hand towards the unmoving Zangetsu. "The livin' rock is also insane. It's always the quiet ones." Golden eyes narrowed at Ichigo. "And yer ain't quiet."

Ichigo snorted weakly, quickly regaining his composure. "And we always need one sane person." He took several more breaths. "Right…right, need to tell my friends that I haven't lost my sanity or soul yet."

Hichigo made an unidentifiable noise in the back of his throat. "Sanity was a close call." The albino Hollow swiped at the white sopping bangs hindering his eyesight. "Not sure at the condition of the body, King, so be ready for some pain."

Ichigo nodded distractively, either oblivious or ignoring the abnormality of the situation. "Yeah. I'm definitely going on a proper vacation after this."

Zangestu released a sigh of relief as Ichigo dematerialised from the Inner World.

* * *

Rukia looked nervously as the white haired captain, Hitsugaya, entered the hastily made temporary bedroom in Kisuke's shop for the unconscious Ichigo with a pensive expression. He paused next to Rukia, staring down emotionlessly at the orange haired teen's face before turning to the female Shinigami. "Mind explaining what happened?"

Rukia chewed her lip and glanced at the oddly silent redhead girl kneeling next to Ichigo's head. "We…knew that Ichigo had an inner Hollow…Nii-sama knew as well…"

"He mentioned something about Ichigo having a sudden change of personalities during their battle but didn't elaborate." The captain interrupted.

Rukia's gaze flickered to the unconscious substitute Shinigami. "Ichigo had it under control so we didn't tell anyone…but today…" Rukia looked up at the solemn captain. "The Hollow was in possession of his body though it didn't _do_ anything. It acted like Ichigo would act, though a little more…" She made a vague gesture. "So we didn't do anything."

Hitsugaya ruffled his white hair, the only sign of his agitation. "…I should tell Yamamoto-sou-taichou." He stated monotonously. Orihime looked up. "…But I won't."

Rukia looked startled, but before either of the girls could question the captain on his uncharacteristic decision, he swept out of the room leaving an ominous silence.

Orihime fidgeted nervously, eyes flickering from the door to Rukia and finally on the catatonic teen. "W-What do you think…happened to Ichigo?" Her gaze settled on his chest, the blanket covering the healing wound in his chest with black contaminated Shinigami reiatsu pulsing over and in it. Unnerved, the Shinigami decided that covering it with bandages was the best course of action. "He's still…Ichigo…right?"

Rukia sighed and ran a hand through frazzled static hair. "I don't know." She stared at Ichigo's paler than usual skin and lighter orange hair. "But _something_ happened."

"_**ICHIGO!"**_

_The Hollow possessed substitute Shinigami looked stunned as his body fell backwards, gore splattering onto the cracked pavement. Time seemed to slow as his body crumpled to the ground, dark crimson blood pooling beneath the albino Hollow at an alarming pace, looking much worse against the previous colourless shihaksho._

_The Hollow possessed substitute Shinigami convulsed in both pain and terror as the pool of crimson liquid grew larger and viscous sludge like white substance oozed from the gaping hole in his chest, the mask shattering into a million pieces before reforming on his face, covering everything but his right eye wide with horror._

_The Shinigami and Vasto Lorde could only watch in morbid fascination as the jaw of the mask opened and an unearthly screech, two voices at once, one eerily human and the other Hollow, made the humans and Shinigami cringe as the white sludge pumping out of the substitute Shinigami's chest wound began creeping up his body. The convulsions became more violent, the screams increasing in intensity and pitch._

_Orihime cried out and began to run towards the tormented substitute Shinigami but Rangiku grasped the redhead's arm in an iron grip and jerked her back as the screams died down into bestial growls, nails elongating into claws and the Shinigami reiatsu being devoured by the Hollow reiatsu._

"_What…the Hell?" Renji gasped._

_Ichigo – if it even _was_ Ichigo anymore – jerked itself onto its now three clawed ivory feet, hunched over and the growls mounting into screams again as a tail ruptured out from the small of his back, the tip of the tail swiping into the pool of blood and tainting the end in red. _

_The Vasto Lorde seemed to shake itself out of its shocked stupor and lunged forward, clawed hand ready to slash the mask off the half transformed substitute Shinigami. Hollow-Ichigo gave a feral growl and pounced forwards, knocking the four armoured legs from beneath the Vasto Lorde, tail thrashing round and thwacking the Hollow's mandibles violently. _

_Hollow-Ichigo landed on the ground and violently twisted in convulsions again as spikes protruded from his now white shoulders, vivid crimson patterns slicing themselves down his arms, around his shoulders and on the left side of his mask. Another horrific scream ripped itself from the creature. _

_Hollow-Ichigo's hair turned back to the bright orange that the substitute Shinigami was well-known for, lengthening down to mid-waist, but still as chaotic as ever. The screams strangled to a halt, tail lashing riotously about as the beast pushed itself onto its clawed aviator feet._

_The beast somehow managed to keep a hold on Bankai-Zangetsu, now black and pulsating crimson tipped ebony reiatsu in the Hollow's tight clawed grip. Another low growl rumbled in the albino Hollow's chest as its malevolent molten gold eyes narrowed at the now cautious Vasto Lorde anxiously clicking its mandibles together._

_Hollow-Ichigo raised its left hand, both index and middle clawed fingers pointing directly at the insect like Vasto Lorde's white insect mask. A small compressed orb of reiatsu exploded out of the albino hollow's fingertips, causing both Vasto Lordes and Shinigami to step back in surprise and alarm as the sheer amount of power caused the air to forcefully leave their lungs._

_Deeming the situation unsalvageable and precarious, the Vasto Lorde's back opened up, revealing sinewy membrane wings, sparkling in dark red and black hues. A droning din picked up as it vibrated its wings in preparation to flee via air. _

_It was too late._

_The orb shot out in a thin streak of tainted light, shooting out like quicksilver and penetrating the centre of the Hollow's mask effortlessly. The mask splintered and dissolved, the body following after instantly. Steam hissed from the superheated air and the albino Hollow turned to the frozen group watching the spectacle in growing horror._

_Golden eyes widened then the body began convulsing again, another shriek jolting the Shinigami out of their daze and made their hands clutch their Zanpaktou's hilts firmly._

_The mask shattered, the white crimson patterned carapace dissolving with it._

_A cataleptic redheaded Ichigo collapsed onto the cracked pavement._

Rukia was pulled out of her reminiscing by a soft groan from the rousing substitute Shinigami. Orihime leaned over to see bronze eyes flutter open wearily and stare at the girl in puzzlement. "What…" Ichigo coughed, wheezily. "What happened?"

The female Shinigami fussed with the blanket. "…We were wondering that ourselves."

The redhead's gaze despondently travelled from Orihime to Rukia and back again. "……The Hollow got pissed off." He mumbled throatily; this statement elicited another bout of wet sounding coughs and a groan of pain. "My chest hurts."

"Well," Rukia drawled sarcastically, voice higher pitched than usual. "You did have a Vasto Lorde punch a hole through your chest." She released a ragged breath. "We thought that you'd turned into a Hollow for good…or the Hollow did something…Hitsugaya-taichou was going to inform Yamamoto-sou-taichou about it…but he didn't."

Ichigo chuckled feebly. "An oneway trip to the creep in charge of Squad 12."

Rukia nodded. "I'm…glad that you're fine, Ichigo. You scared us."

"Sorry." The redhead rasped softly. "…Where's my body?"

Orihime piped up. "Mr. Urahara put Kon in it, so don't worry."

Ichigo snorted, then coughed. "'Don't worry'? I wouldn't put past anything with that man and damned Gikongan." Ichigo's eyes slipped close. "I'm going to sleep…Hollow's bein'…" They never knew what the Hollow was being like since he went back to being unconscious. Rukia sighed.

"Well…at least he's fine."

Orihime nodded, a relieved smile curling her lips upwards. "Now, we have to give an excuse why we ran out of school!"

Rukia groaned, slapping a palm to her forehead. "Renji's 'distraction' of dumping potatoes over the teacher and Ichigo's crazy Hollow cackling didn't help matters." She rubbed her eyes. "As long as Ishida doesn't give an excuse we'll be fine."

Orihime laughed, the tension slipping away from their bodies and mind.

* * *

Hichigo waited 'til his King had fully dematerialized from the Inner World before rounding on the stoic Zangetsu. "You." He hissed, golden eyes flashing dangerously. "Explain. Now."

Zangetsu bowed his head and gracefully stepped from his perch. "I do believe that to prevent your deaths, both you and Ichigo were in control at the same time." The Zanpaktou hummed noncommittedly and glanced upwards to the rumbling grey clouds. "Though what'll happen now is unknown."

The albino Hollow growled and began pacing again. "I just want to fight King at his full strength and defeat him completely." He fussed with snow white bangs. "But noooo, things have to get complicated with King." Anymore comments became inaudible as the Hollow resumed pacing unpredictably, grumbling under his breath. "Damn."

The Zanpaktou sighed and returned to his 'Pole of Ennui' as Hichigo had dubbed it. "In time, Hollow, you'll get your battle with Ichigo at his full strength. But winning isn't certain. He has a lot of potential."

Hichigo scoffed. "I'll believe that when he stops needin' my help." He stomped away, not hearing or ignoring Zangetsu's final words.

"But you _don't_ want him to stop needing your help."

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**THINKING CORNER: READREADREAD!**

Ishida sulked and vanished in this chapter…and most of Hitsu's squad too…I couldn't fit everyone in unlike in my first draft because of this fricken' computer and lost tango'd sheet. Hichigo wouldn't behave and ran off with the script in this too. As you can see, the battle was abridged, and how they got out of school…use your imagination 

Once again, I apologise for the lateness, and this was more or less angsty-ish…and Ichigo suffered a mental breakdown! I tried to branch out on the current relationship Hichigo and Ichigo had so bleh, such a filler chapter. And Hollow-Ichigo is fricken' awesome! He has a _tail_! And long hair! Why? Who knows! He has a tail!

A Beta position is open to anyone interested! R&R!

**PREVIEW: EPISODE #4: INTRINSIC**

Rukia: Well, Ichigo turned into a Hollow for a brief moment and Hitsugaya-taichou is being oddly calm about it…but Ichigo's been disappearing a lot lately…

Orihime: Ooooh! Maybe he has a new friend!

Renji: More like _girl_friend!

Rukia: We're supposed to be doing the preview, nutwad!

Renji: Jealous, Rukia-chaaan?

_Rukia lunges and throttles Renji_

Renji: Gccchhhk!

Orihime: Oh…uh…well, stay tuned to the newly titled, Dysfunctional Camaraderie!

**KIVAEMBER OUT!**


	4. Intrinsic

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairings:** IchiHichi (Possible side pairings)

**Rating:** T+

**Warnings:** Hichigo's dirty mouth, shonen ai (Slash, Yaoi, whatever), violence, gore, innuendos, mediocre writing skillz.

**Summary:** IchiHichi. Their relationship was dysfunctional at best, but Zangetsu was going to make them work together even if it killed them.

**Disclaimer:** I no longer own a working computer. (Cries)

**A/N:** Hi ya'll! Just as I was going to post this up this morning, this crappy computer _deleted _it. Thank God Na just sent back the Beta'd version otherwise I would've cried…a lot. This chapter was Beta'd by Na (ShaShiSar221) so give round of applause people! Thanks, Na!

So Christmas has come ad gone, leaving me with a PS3 and an imploded computer (which sadly passed away few days before Christmas in a shower of sparks and smoke as the hard drive caught fire for one unexplainable reason…), hope ya'll got great presents and a nice dinner! New year tomorrow too…

Anywho, I've written up the fourth instalment of Dysfunctional Camaraderie, INTRINSIC: basic, built-in, central, congenital, essential, genuine, inborn, inbred, inherent, native, natural, real, true, etc. Just in case you were curious. Enjoy!

**Chapter Summary:** Byakuya is not a git and Hichigo apologises…WTF!?

I like to thank:

**fendstrat.chick: **Thankies! I appreciate it!

**Daiymo no Tashio:** Thanks!

**Greg:** Thanks!

**Not a member: **…Guess you're not a member then? (Gets clubbed) Owww…uhhh, thankies! Hichigo isn't a very good actor; I don't think he even cares though…

**phantomschmerz: **Don't worry, battle scenes will be longer and more detailed later on, when I get that laptop. Thankies!

**From the Psyche Ward: **Interesting penname, me like. And thanks for a wonderful review!

**SharShiSar221: **Thanks for betaing! I really appreciated it!

**Drop Of Poison: **Thankies!

**judikickshiney: **Sorry but Na took the position of Beta, thanks for offering though.

**YaoiHeartless123:** My Compooper is older than the Macintosh…which explains quite a lot. Thankies, I'll be looking forward to your reviews.

**jayanx: **Yeah, those type of battle scenes piss me off sometimes too and I end up skipping them and missing important points…and Hichigo and Ichigo are extremely volatile Chemistry…which means things heat up quickly yeah? (winks)

**Stoic-Genius: **That's why it's going to take fricken' forever for them to get together (five or so chapters people!) and to make it seem realistic. Though I'll spoil a bit, **Rukia** actually **helps** them get together…ufufufufufuu! And yes, Zangetsu will probably resort to tying them together with chains out of frustration and pumping them full of aphrodisiacs.

**anon.: **I know! An updates are going to be delayed for a while unfortunately…

**xxkiokoxx:** Yes. Yes he does. I love possessive Hichigo, ufufufufuuu, pushy seme Hichigo…hehehheh.

**FireyFreedom: **I love it too XP

**Invader-Nehima:** Hitsugaya-taichou is one of the best things since canned bread (It exists!), so I couldn't turn him all ebil and snitch like. Chem was easy peasy for moi, but ya know, my Law teacher is a dictator and well…I fear for my life. ; Hopefully I'll live long enough to finish this story or at least have my typing hand not broken.

**Barranca: **Yosh! Hollow-Ichigo is coolio! I was going to do something totally different then I thought, 'Nah! Let's stick Hollow-Ichigo there instead.' And so I did. XP The computers are conspiring against me and the toaster has been laughing at me . I KNOW IT'S TRUUUUEEEEE!!!

**SoraXNamine: **Hollow-Ichigo kicks ass.

**Kougyoku: **Yosh! Go go go! That means that you can't wait for Episode #8 then, ufufufufuuu (thinks perverse thoughts), now whether or not to make it T or M…?

I am happy, I have over 30-ish readers (that is if the anonymous reviews aren't all one person). Right then, let's go go go!

**WORDS: 3,172**

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"_It is because I wanted a toothpick…and also I can kill people I don't like."_

"_Uuuh, that didn't quite answer my question…"_

"_So you're the guy who out bid me on eBay! You sniped me at the last minute you ass."_

"_Ah hah! So you're IchigoLover123! How dare you spam my inbox! I knew you couldn't resist flaming me for outbidding you!"_

--- Karin Bloopers, YouTube

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_"Hmm...Schizophrenia? Or perhaps MPD...?" _

"Something happened to traumatize that poor child...his mother was found horribly disfigured..."

"Two personalities, King...or Ichigo the dominant personality and...the other..."

Golden eyes narrowed at the whispering doctors. Pathetic. King wasn't sick. King was asleep, like Sleeping Beauty. The darker personality almost crooned softly to himself when he felt the Little King sob brokenly in his- their mind, rocking backwards and forwards as the white demons came with their little pointy needles.

He snarled; bristling like an angry cat as one roughly grabbed the nine year old. He hissed and lashed out with small child-like hands, doing nothing against the bulky /_**pathetic/**__ human. He spotted Little King's father looking at him with sadness in his peripheral vision. _

"Release me, humans! How dare you touch King!" He was pinned down on the thin mattress as the white demon with the needle came forwards. Fire lit itself in his veins as he struggled more violently.

_**"WHEN I GET MY CLAWS ON YOU YOUR SOULS WILL BE RIPPED APART YOU FILTHY HUMANS!"**__ He screeched in the high pitched voice of a child, golden eyes burning brighter and - unnoticed to the two bulky men - black staining his white sclera. He screamed when the needle plunged into his arm, feeling himself slip away from the world and from the crying Little King. _

He himself cried, desperately grasping into the growing darkness in his vision to latch onto his Little King, the sobs making his mind break.

_**"Little King!"**__ He cried, but too late, the sobs vanished and he was stuck in the darkness, cramped small darkness as he screamed and scrabbled at the invisible black walls for his Little King. _

_**"KING!"**_

**EPISODE #4: INTRINSIC**

Zangetsu was going to impale himself with either his favourite perch or...well, himself. The strange conundrum of him existing the same time as himself in Zanpaktou form was something that he puzzled over during the more tediously boring days, but this was the icing on the cake.

Hichigo was sulking - though the albino Hollow vehemently denied that he was sulking merely thinking...but Zangetsu knew he was sulking - and Ichigo was confused and even more stressed thanks to the...INCIDENT.

It seemed that the INCIDENT had allowed the substitute Shinigami and Inner Hollow to become even more aware of each other - right down to minute shifts in reiatsu, and their loudest thoughts being broadcasted unknowingly to each other. Of course, when the Hollow projected – violent – thoughts too loudly, Ichigo came down like the God of Thunder and practically throttled the albino Hollow to _'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'_ Which the Hollow would then scream the same thing back at the redhead.

Zangetsu sighed despairingly, looking up in trepidation at the gathering clouds. It was like looking after psychotic children diagnosed with schizophrenia and armed with meat cleavers. He shuddered at the thought.

The Zanpaktou was jerked out of his suicidal contemplation by the familiar distorted voice of the other occupant of Ichigo's Inner World. Sending an almost irritated glare at the albino Hollow muttering to himself Zangetsu decided that he needed to light a fire under both of their asses to give him peace of mind. Insanity and suicide was not on his 'To-do List'.

"Why don't you talk to Ichigo?" Zangetsu sighed; he swore that he could see a grey streak in his dark brown hair...

The albino Hollow stared at the Zanpaktou as if he just proclaimed fruit juice caused cancer.

"Talk? As in_, talkin'_ to King?"

Zangetsu couldn't stop his mouth twisting into a grimace. "Do you know any other Ichigo?" Hichigo sneered at the annoyed inflection but regardless, it stopped the Hollow's distracting mutterings.

"I highly doubt his; _Highness-ness_ will even _deign_ to talk to some lowly servant such as _I."_ Hichigo drawled sarcastically. Zangetsu was mildly surprised that the albino Hollow knew what 'deign' was. "Really, I saved his skinny fool-ass from gettin' killed, and he goes all apeshit mad over it. Not even thankin' me..." Ah, the mutters had returned.

A rumble from the sideways sky made the Zanpaktou glance upwards again, the first drop of rain pelting his shades.

"And now he's bein' pathetic! Fuckin' shit on a stick! Can't he fuckin' pull himself together?!" The albino Hollow roared, startling the Zanpaktou slightly. "Whenever he feels fuckin' sad, I get fuckin' rained on and feel it too _**Goddammmit**_!" He did a strange dance of frustration, stomping and swooping around with his arms in the air. "I'm either gonna kill him or myself! And you too!"

Yep. Zangetsu was going to impale himself upon the Pole of Ennui to escape this.

* * *

Ichigo was now deemed worthy to stare at like an interesting science specimen.

Or...at least, that's what he felt like.

A few days after It, he had become more aware of his inner Hollow's presence - before he just knew it was there lurking about in his inner world doing whatever it is he does but now he could feel the Hollow's reiatsu dip and rise accordingly to his mood, along with some foreign emotions that he knew belonged to the Hollow and garbled faint thoughts.

Right now, frustration and anger was what Ichigo could sense from the albino Hollow and low buzzing of incoherent growls in the back of his head sorely reminding him like a swarm of angry wasps. Obviously the Hollow was suffering the same thing as he was.

Plus, everyone was now spying on him.

He could understand why, really. After all, the second strongest Shinigami suddenly transformed into a Hollow - or rather, that's what he gathered from Rukia as he had no real clue as to what actually happened - and killed off a Vasto Lorde in one shot then turned back into a Shinigami. He was surprised the 12th Division Captain hadn't lunged out from behind a group of trashcans and chloroformed him to drag him off to be vivisected.

Mentally roaring in his mind to the Hollow to be quiet he tried to focus his tired eyes on the paper before him. Of course he couldn't laze around recovering from his near fatal wound without his teachers and family flipping out - since they didn't know of his...occupation - so he had to make an appearance, tired or not.

Blissfully, the angry buzzing stopped and the Hollow's reiatsu dipped lower into calmer levels. He mentally thanked the Hollow and tried to accomplish the homework from the mathematics class that morning.

He stifled a yawn. He hadn't had a good night rest in a while, before and after the little deal that he and the Hollow made, though thankfully the amount of Hollow attacks had dropped drastically within the few days. It made him a little suspicious but his weary mind couldn't be bothered to try and work it out or work himself into a suspicious mood.

He rubbed his eyes. It was hard to concentrate, especially since the buzzing in the back of his head had renewed with vengeance. Casting it off as a lost cause he left the half done - and probably incorrect - mathematical equations on his desk and lethargically threw himself out of his chair and onto the bed next to him.

Pressing his face into the rumpled quilt, he released a harsh exhale of air and tugged at his attention seeking orange hair, wincing when his fingers snagged on a few knots.

He remained in a dazed stupor for a few minutes, listening absently to the incoherent garbles hissing in the back of his mind and the rising and falling levels of the Hollow's reiatsu as it fluctuated with the volume of the growls.

Until he was snapped out of it when a certain plush toy pounced on his head.

A muscle spasmed violently near his left eyebrow as he slowly rose, the gikongan falling forward to meet fiery bronze eyes aiming a splintered glare at the plush toy's beady black eyes.

_If looks could kill..._

"I'm not in the mood, Kon." Ichigo snarled out, unknowing of the hint of gold flickering in his eyes as his inner Hollow's presence pushed to the forefront of his mind questioningly at his King's anger.

The gikongan released a strangled whimper but crawled forwards. "Ya gotta help me, Ichigo!" The lion plush toy wailed. "Your sister! She's gonna put me in a bikini!"

The substitute Shinigami ruthlessly squashed the mental image before that particular part of his brain suffered intense psychological trauma. "...Why're you telling me this, Kon?" He growled. He was tired, stressed, cranky and the high pitched deranged laughter of his inner Hollow was making his headache throb painfully with each second. "I. Don't. _Care_. Go hide in the closet or something and _leave me __**alone**_"

With a yelp the lion plush toy scurried away hastily, terrified by the gleaming molten gold eyes that stabbed him painfully with their intensity, and fled to find another Shinigami to hide behind. He had a high sense of self-preservation and he didn't want to deal with the redhead's insane inner Hollow.

Once the gikongan had fled, Ichigo raised a hand and rubbed at his stinging eyes, the gold ebbing back to bronze, and released another harsh exhale of breath. "Damn. Why'd I become a Shinigami?" He muttered to no one in particular.

Which was why he was suitably startled when he received a response. _**"To save yer family, King."**_ The mocking lilt of laughter tainting the answer made the substitute Shinigami snarl viciously at nothing in particular.

_"You again? Haven't you caused me enough grief?"_

_**"Nope. Not until ya accept that I'm yer partner, aibou."**_ His mocking drawl carried an overtone of a growl, from frustration or something else, Ichigo wasn't sure but the redhead scowled and flopped back onto the bed, facing his ceiling.

"We're not partners." The Shinigami voiced aloud. "More like parasite and unwilling host."

_**"That hurt, ow."**_

"Shut it." This lacked his usual venom and instead was steeped in weary defeat. "I'm too fucking tired to deal with you." He flung an arm over his closed bronze eyes. "Too tired to deal with any of this."

The Hollow was silent for a pleasant moment before his distorted voice broke the quiet. _**"...I guess..."**_ The Hollow paused, the uncertainty in his tone making Ichigo open his eyes in confusion. _**"That it's my...fault, King."**_ He felt the Hollow retreat deeper into his mind briefly before returning to the forefront, reiatsu pulsing nervously. "I'll take care of any bastard Hollows for ya, King."

Ichigo's lips curved upwards into a sardonic smile. Not quite an apology but it was as close as he was going to get. "Thanks. I didn't expect that from you." Amusement reeled through his mind and violently struck the Hollow over the head as he continued. "Are you sick?" He inquired with mirth.

The Hollow's reiatsu bristled angrily. _**"No! Ya- fine, see if I try to cheer ya up again!"**_ The albino Hollow huffed, returning once more to his sulky mutterings, Ichigo catching _**'ungrateful'**_ and _**'bastard**_' occasionally.

The redhead sighed and grudgingly reached out in his mind to the sulking Hollow.

_"Ah...sorry, Hollow..."_ He mentally mumbled with a grimace. _"I'm just a little...stressed...I appreciate it, honestly."_ He simply received a disbelieving scoff for his efforts but the Hollow was no longer muttering or sulking.

_**"Hn. Whatever, King. Don't strain yourself."**_ Came the usual venomous retort, though it lacked its usual razor sharp bite to it. _**"I don't really care anyway."**_ Though by the pleased vibe his reiatsu was emitting belied that statement.

Ichigo smothered a smirk. "Sure, whatever, Hollow."

* * *

Rukia bit her lip nervously, wringing her hands together in a rare show of agitation.

Everyone was extremely tense thanks to one, Ichigo Kurosaki. Hitsugaya-taichou had taken it in stride, muttering something about not attacking comrades in this type of situation. Thankfully the rest of Hitsugaya-taichou's Division was in perfect agreement so no torches and pitchforks had been raised within the Gotei 13 screaming for Ichigo's blood (though perhaps it would only be Divisions 11 and 12 that would be raising the torches and pitchforks, 11 for a good fight and 12 for a new specimen to vivisect).

That is why staring at her stoic brother with a tensed Hitsugaya-taichou at her side, Rukia was ready to bolt and let the young prodigal captain deal with it.

"The intelligence squad had witnessed a strange occurrence three days ago concerning Kurosaki." Byakuya murmured in his usual monotone, grey eyes boring into her own eyes with such intensity it was almost as if the dark haired Shinigami was trying to pluck the answers from her brain.

She wouldn't be surprised if he could.

"Is that so?" Hitsugaya-taichou stated with equal blandness. The white haired captain's muscles were tense. Rukia hoped that no punches would need to be thrown.

"Yes." Byakuya's expression twisted oddly into an unexplainable smirk. "Which is why I told them to disregard it entirely and not to inform Division 12's captain."

Wait..._WHAT!?_

The completely shocked and bewildered look on Rukia's face was comical as she stared disbelieving at her elder brother. He actually protected Ichigo!? The one who carved him up!? (Granted Byakuya tried to do the same but...)

Rukia was glad she wasn't drinking anything around that time otherwise the sixth Division captain would probably have had an impromptu spit shower.

Hitsugaya-taichou weathered it the best, only blinking slightly before regaining his composure and nodding. "It would be best to not turn a powerful ally to Aizen, regardless of...what he is."

Rukia shook her head. This was just too damn confusing.

* * *

Rustic eyes glittered malevolently as the male landed without a sound on the cool tarmac. Unnoticed by the passing humans, the gaping black gargantua's maw closed with a sickening smack and the white haired male nimbly evaded a passing car, the masquerade-esque bone white mask glinting eerily in the twilight.

"Ichigo...Kurosaki..." The soft rich murmur disappeared and vanished amidst the cacophony of car engines and human conversation.

The hole over the male's heart was brushed over by crimson nailed fingers.

"I'm coming for you."

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**THINKING CORNER**

Phew! That's one chapter done, now to do the next! I realised that Chad hasn't appeared yet, or Tatsuki, and this is the only chapter that Kon appears in…hmmm…I need to add more members of BLEACH™ in…

Who is this mysterious Arrancar? Will Ichigo be able to defeat him? Why am I asking you? Guesses are welcome, bwuahahahahahahhhaaaa! (Will not admit she had lost planning sheet for next chapter.) Wha? Shut up you! I have not! (She has.) Dammit! Shut up!

PREVIEW: EPISODE #5: RUMBA 

Ichigo: Who the Hell is this guy? And where are the others!?

Sorry, Kurosaki, but they're a bit busy with some Hollows…now then, take this!

Ichigo: What the-!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARADERIE!**

**KIVAEMBER! OUT! **


	5. Rumba

**Title:** Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairing: **IchiHichi

**Disclaimer: **Not my compooper

**Summary of Chapter: **The mysterious Serpiente causes some chaos…

**A/N: **Yo! Today there aren't any reply to reviews since I've literally got only 2 minutes on this compooper and the teacher is glaring at me cause other people need it for Art.

Give a large round of applause for Na for Beta-ing it and making it decent! Thanks Na!

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_"Ichigo, I'm simply trying to help you..." _

Gold eyes glittered malevolently; a grin bordering on maniacal stretching the nine years old's face. "Feh. Like Hell ya are. King's-a sleepin' at th' moment, but I'm sure if ya leave a message I'll-a deliver it for ya."

Stupid idiots. The lot of them. They thought that their pointy sharp needles and little white pills would keep him away from his Little King. Crammed into that suffocating dark he was able to claw his way out and back to the sobbing, crying King, medications be damned. King wants, needs, him.

One word from Little King and he'd rip this idiot's throat out with his teeth.

"Look...uh...Hichigo, you've attacked an orderly-"

"Bastard deserved it. He tried ta hurt King."

The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. "The injections are part of the medication to heal 'King', Hichigo; don't you want King to get better?"

The golden eyed child's lips curled in a predator like smile, white teeth flashing. "Who says he's sick?" he said in a low purr, eyes gleaming unnaturally under the florescent lights. "He's perfect just the way he is." That...thing was mocking him, the Doctor could feel it.

This other personality gave the Doctor chills; he was eerily intelligent with predator like eyes only seen on ruthless psychopathic killers. The grin - which could be passed off as pleasant - was more of a show of teeth with an ominous unnatural shadow flickering behind molten gold irises. The psychiatrist couldn't stop the shudder that crawled over his skin when those golden eyes pinned him down.

"King…" Came the soft murmur from the golden eyed child. "Is perfect. He's the sun. Unlike me who's a…"

"A?"

The child's posture changed slightly, and though the Doctor knew that the straitjacket was on tight and that - really - a nine year old couldn't kill an adult bigger and stronger than himself, primal instincts screamed at him that this child - this unnatural child - was a predator and to flee or hide. He fought down the sudden upheaval of forgotten instincts, the child's golden eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Monster." The demon version of Icarus, the golden eyed child mused to himself. Holding the bright Little King in the palms of his hands and his wings turning into dust, he wanted to keep that sun all to himself. The child's eyes hardened. All _**his**__. _

"You are not a monster, Hichigo." Though a small voice in the back of the Doctor's head hissed otherwise.

The child merely smiled innocently, golden eyes shining brightly.

"No. I'm a Knight in shinin' white armour."

**  
EPISODE #05: RUMBA**

Hichigo was once again in possession of Ichigo's corporal body.

It had been no easy task, mind you. It took an hour of squabbling, ten rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors - in which Ichigo claimed that the albino Hollow was cheating - and a threat by the Hollow of singing that annoying ditty from the advert with the soda can in it continuously on loop until Ichigo gave up control to him.

Three verses into the song and Ichigo surrendered.

The reason why Hichigo was so adamant about being in control?

Because his King was so out of it he tripped down the stairs and almost gave himself a concussion. He did not want to die yet, especially in a stupid ass way.

This was also the reason why the Hollow possessed teen was locked in a staring contest with the toaster. Amber eyes narrowed in a suspicious glare, Hichigo stood in the centre of the kitchen, unmoving as he stared relentlessly at the innocent electrical appliance.

King's amusement was palpable. _"It's a toaster, Hollow."_

The light reflected off the shiny white plastic covering almost mockingly. "No...It's laughin' at me, King." His eyes narrowed further into slits, crossing his arms in an attempt to look more intimidating.

_"...Yes, Hollow, it is laughing at you."_ This mental statement almost dripped with sarcasm as he felt King's presence push to the forefront of his mind, the mental messages becoming clearer. _"Look at it; it's mocking you by simply being inanimate."_ Teasing laughter filtered down their innovative link making the Hollow grit his teeth.

"Shaddup." He groused under his breath, turning away and meeting the slightly worried eyes of Karin. Hichigo paused as a prickly silence befell the two, the younger Kurosaki sibling's left eyebrow hitching upwards.

"Are you okay, Ichigo?"

Ignoring King's groan the Hollow possessed teen nodded, face carefully blank. "Yeah. I'm fine." There was another pregnant pause between the two before Karin shook her head slowly and ambled away from the kitchen, mumbling something about weird older brothers.

_"Great, now Karin thinks I'm insane."_ Ichigo sighed. Hichigo sneered, exiting the kitchen and heading into the hallway towards the entrance.

"Everyone already thinks yer insane, King, so not much change there." As he walked out of the automatic glass doors and a little ways down the street, a sudden increase of spirit pressure in the atmosphere caused the Hollow possess teen to lurch to a halt. "What-?"

"Ichigo!"

The call went unnoticed to the Hollow as did Ichigo's curious questioning. Hichigo narrowed amber eyes to the west, hairs on the back of his neck prickling as his instincts screamed at him that a 'threat' was near. "Who...?"

"Ichigo!" Tugging at his arm made him jerk, turning startled bronze eyes at a panting Rukia. Blue eyes flickered upwards, mouth open to speak before she froze. "Ichi...go...?" Suspicion tainted her cerulean gaze and the Hollow possessed teen rolled his eyes.

"Jeez, I'll get 'im for ya already." The albino Hollow scoffed, switching places with King so abruptly that Ichigo swayed dangerously, momentarily dazed by the sudden change. "Whoa." Rukia's death grip on his arm prevented him from an embarrassing fall on his rear.

"Ichigo," She decided to leave the fact that the substitute Shinigami's inner Hollow was wandering about in his body alone for the moment. "'Nii-sama is here, and he was informed about the...thing that happened a few days ago by the IS." She paused. "He told me to tell you to keep a low profile for a while, since he wasn't the only captain informed about it." Noticing the redhead's anxious look she shook her head. "The 12th Division Captain hasn't been informed."

Well that was a relief at least. "Well, there haven't been any Hollow attacks lately, so that shouldn't be a problem." He shrugged, not at all concerned. "And I doubt the same thing will happen twice, right?"

Rukia nodded and turned to leave. "Well, I guess I'll-"

The rest of Rukia's statement was cut off by Ichigo's inner Hollow suddenly scrambling for control as he shrieked loudly down their link, _**"THREAT AT 5:00!" **_The sudden assault on his control and the warning made him reflexively grip Rukia's slim wrist and leap in some random direction that wasn't where they currently were. The female Shinigami's shout of surprise was drowned out by a massive explosion that obliterated the area they had been standing in; as debris rained down on the street, Ichigo - still struggling to maintain control - dragged Rukia further away from the epicentre of the explosion and gripped the Spirit Medallion tightly in one hand.

"Where the - stop fighting, Hollow - hell did that come from?!" Within the dust cloud from the explosion, crimson eyes glittered back at Ichigo sadistically. "Damn."

Raising the Spirit Medallion he shot out a quick, "Look after my body, Rukia," before slamming it onto his chest, his corporal body falling into Rukia's expectant arms and Ichigo in Shinigami garb swinging Zangetsu before him and at the silhouette in the dust cloud.

"I don't know who or what you are, but attacking from behind was a cheap shot." He was able to beat down the Hollow's attempt for control and focus entirely on the new threat, seeing Rukia drag his body and herself away from the Dangerzone in his peripheral vision. His eyes trailed down the street slightly. Damn, still too close to home. Hope my family doesn't try to investigate...

"Ichigo Kurosaki."

His bronze eyes snapped back to his opponent with unnerving speed.

The figure stepped out of the fading dust cloud, white waist length hair tinted a slight earthy brown from the explosion. "I have been searching for you." Rustic orbs glittered malevolently in black sclera, a crimson patterned ivory Hollow mask shaped in a way similar to that of a masquerade shielding the top half of his face from view.

Ichigo's eyes were drawn to the round hole directly where his heart should be. "Who the Hell...?"

Hoarse laughter made the redhead substitute Shinigami grip his Zanpaktou tighter. The mysterious figure raised his own weapon, a strange kunai with a weighted chain. "This is Veneno, and I am the 78th Arrancar, Serpiente. That's all you need to know, Kurosaki."

'Veneno's' blade was two feet long, an ebony black curved kunai with an ominous razor sharp edge. The weighted chain seemed, from Ichigo's vantage point, to be roughly four meters long - bad news for someone who used close combat such as himself - with the sharpened edges dripping a dark green viscous fluid. Ichigo didn't need his inner Hollow's hisses of caution to know that coming in contact with the fluid would be bad. Especially when it began eating through the pavement.

Any further observation of his opponent and weapon was abruptly halted when Ichigo had to rip off the Matrix to avoid being castrated.

* * *

Byakuya and Hitsugaya's heads snapped in the same direction at the explosion of Spirit pressures emanating from near the substitute Shinigami's home. A second later and Hitsugaya was out of his seat and running out of café that the two captains had met in - in their gigais of course - with Byakuya hot on his heels.

Halfway down the street they were ambushed by a large group of Hollows, a bestial Vasto Lorde in the lead. Explosions cleared the street quickly of bystanders and the lion-like Vasto Lorde stepped forward, grinning hungrily.

**"WELL, WELL, I WAS HOPING FOR A LITTLE SNACK!"  
**

Byakuya's blank face twisted into a barely perceptible frown. "Kurosaki can hold his own, correct?" The sixth Division captain asked, already procuring a gikongan.

Hitsugaya grimaced, his own gikongan halfway to his mouth. "Yeah. But it would've helped if my team and Abarai-fukutaichou hadn't had to go back to the Seireitei today!"

The two gigais with the gikongan fled the scene leaving the two Captains facing off against a horde of Hollows and one Vasto Lorde. Hitsugaya unsheathed his Zanpaktou. "Think we can take them?" He drawled derisively.

Byakuya raised his Zanpaktou, a flash of humour flickering in his grey eyes momentarily as he took in the reinforcements plummeting from countless Gargantua's in the sky. "If one more shows up I'm not sure." A snort was his answer as Hitsugaya made room. "At least leave some for me."

Byakuya didn't answer. _"Scatter-"_

* * *

Sado slugged another Hollow in the face as it came too close, the large Mexican examining the almost infinite horde of Hollows crawling out of everywhere - the ground, the sky, alleyways - with his usual emotionless face. "There are a lot." He pointed out simply to his orange haired female companion as another Hollow bit the dust via an armoured punch to the face.

Orihime nodded as her shield blocked what could've been a fatal attack to her mid section by a bigger then average rhino Hollow. "I hope Ichigo is okay."

The two humans were cornered by the canal, amphibious Hollows crawling from the bubbling water spitting out harmful looking fluid which splattered harmlessly on an orange field erected by Orihime. With only Tsubaki and Sado's fist as the offensive power, they were slowly being overrun.

A screaming bolt of blue cut through the static air as the rhino Hollow died in a burst of azure, releasing a final dying screech. A heartbeat after, Ishida squeezed between the large Mexican and Orihime, shooting off more energy bolts. "Have either of you seen that idiot, Kurosaki?"

Sado delivered a haymaker to another attacking Hollow, shaking his head in negative. "No."

The Quincy scowled in irritation, from either the missing substitute Shinigami or the dirt that had just been splattered onto his glasses was unknown. "Well isn't he useful?" He practically snarled, roughly wiping off his glasses.

The Hollows just kept swarming in.

* * *

_This is just insane!_ Ichigo thought frantically as he nimbly evaded another quicksilver strike that seemingly came from nowhere; it didn't help that he also had to avoid attacking Hollows as they flanked him, though Rukia was handling them from interfering pretty well.

"Are you getting tired, Kurosaki!?" Came the cruel laughter of the Arrancar, the kunai breezing just past his right cheek. He could feel his skin burning from the dark green fluid as droplets spattered onto his cheek. "I thought you were faster than this?!"

His inner Hollow was thankfully silent, broken only by the occasional warning that saved him from suffering a missing limb or severe wound. He quickly twisted in midair and did a somersault to avoid being sliced open from the shoulder to groin.

**"BAN-!"**

The whistling of a blade slicing through air cut him off and he moved again, cursing loudly to himself. _Dammit! Can't he back off for a little bit!_ As he rolled from another strike his footing slipped on some loose stones, throwing him off balance and into the line of fire.

"Oh shit."

The blade sunk into his torso, but that wasn't the problem. Agony flared from where the blade buried itself into soft flesh, fire igniting in his veins and scorching its way throughout his body. He didn't know when he started screaming, but it must've been around the same time that phantom, dulled rusted blades _tore_ into his skin and _shredded_ through muscle, the air in his lungs evaporating from the _searing_ heat and the crushing _agony_ around his heart as it beat _faster_ and _faster_ with adrenaline, threatening to collapse as the

_painpainpainpainpainohgodthepainmakeitstopmakeitstoppleasepleasepleasestopitstopitstopit_-

Then freezing cold ripped through his body, leaving him gasping for air on the dusty ruined pavement as the blade wrenched free from his side, taking the searing burning agony with it. He could only pant, fingers scrabbling at the rough surface for traction. _When...how did I get on the ground...?  
_

He could faintly hear his inner Hollow scream at him, but the sound buzzed oddly, like bad static on an old radio, and the whole world was off kilter; the sky above, peeks of blue between closing Gargantua and falling Hollows, swirled dizzyingly, and muted sounds of battling reached his deafened ears.

The Arrancar was talking, so Ichigo forced himself to focus on the rising and falling noise, but his mind refused to cooperate properly and make sense of the words and the world continued to swirl.

"...Veneno...lity...po...ony...par...zed...st...ions..."

He wheezed, rolling himself onto his stomach and tried to push himself off the ground on violently trembling arms. _The Hell...did he...do...?_ They buckled beneath his weight and he landed face first on the gritty surface, choking on air as his body refused to function normally.

His mind registered the whistling of a blade and he immediately renewed his efforts, a burst of adrenaline enabling him to scramble onto his knees. Unfortunately he was too slow and the kunai buried itself deep into his back, bringing with it the agonizing pain once again.

He screamed a second time, collapsing onto the pavement as molten flames seared his insides and the phantom knives ripped through his flesh and muscle. He writhed in agony for what seemed like an eternity before the blade was forcibly yanked from his back and a very familiar distorted voice roared in anger.

He lay panting, fuzzily hearing a three way argument before a washed-out black nailed hand gripped his shoulder and rolled him over roughly; causing him to cry out in pain when the wound on his back collided excruciatingly with a rock protruding from the ruined pavement.

Blinking the cobwebs from his mind and fighting off the black spots in his vision, he was somewhat surprised to see annoyed golden eyes glaring at him.

* * *

He didn't know how he came to be separated from King and not in his inner world, vying for control, but at that moment, he didn't quite care.

He glared at his King blinking somewhat stupidly, limbs twitching from the torture Serpinto or whatever his name was inflicted. The female Shinigami shouted at him but her attention was quickly diverted to the attacking Hollows. He sighed.

"Who...are you!?" Serpentindo snarled, swinging the kunai in a centrifugal arc with the weighted chain. Hichigo gave a feral grin at the unnerved Arrancar.

"Well...I ain't really got my own name but...ya could call me Hichigo if ya want." He turned his interest back to his King only to see that he had conked out. "Tch. Bastard."

A low growl and the whistling was the only warning he got as Hichigo reacted purely on instinct.

Easily scooping up his comatose King into his arms he leapt away, golden eyes roving the battlefield for the fallen Zangetsu_**. Tch. That idiot! Droppin' 'is weapon like that! **_He jerked his head to avoid having his cheek sliced open and quickly ducked as the blade returned.

Sientipo chuckled, the kunai once again spinning in a centrifugal arc. "You can't keep dodging forever, Hichigo, you'll slip up like Kurosaki there." The Arrancar pulled his arm back.

Hichigo grinned, legs tensing. "Well, we'll jus' see won't we?" The faint whistling signalled the attack and the albino Hollow narrowly avoided the ebony blade, cringing in pain when the viscous green fluid stung his cheek as droplets flew from the passing blade.

The albino Hollow had to resort to avoiding the lightning fast movements of the kunai with an armful of Ichigo and Zangetsu-less. He ignored the burning ache in his arms from carrying his King whilst twisting, ducking, sidestepping, and _Shunpo_-ing from the poisoned blade's path, unable to get close enough to attack - not that he could without a weapon and holding King - or flee, his escape route always getting blocked by a Hollow or Serpietro's Veneno.

Being forced to pull off intricate footwork and unrealistic flips to keep up with Hichigo, the Arrancar was steadily getting more and more infuriated; the mocking grins and catcalls the albino Hollow was sending his way didn't help matters either. "Fancy footwork won't save you!" he called angrily.

"Keheheheheheh! Well, I've always wanted ta be a Dance Instructor!" Hichigo cackled as he hopped over the kunai and quickly brought his foot down, locking the chain in place under his foot and causing the blade to clatter onto the ruined pavement. "Oops."

The Arrancar fruitlessly pulled Veneno's chain, but it wouldn't budge underneath the albino Hollow's black sandaled foot. "Damn you! Why do you want to save Kurosaki!? You're a Hollow! You should be following Aizen-sama's orders!"

The albino Hollow simply adjusted Ichigo in his arms and sneered. "Ya see, bastard, I'm King's Hollow, not Aizen-_teme's_, and... I'm the one who will kill King! Not some albino psycho freak!"

The Arrancar snarled and tossed Veneno's chain aside. "You leave me no choice!" The masquerade Hollow mask began to creep over the rest of his face and the albino Hollow swore, eyes flickering to Zangetsu who was far too close to Serpiento for comfort.

At that moment, however, a flash of white reflected the sunlight and the Arrancar's mask shattered, Serpiente giving a scream of pain before dissolving into spirit particles. A panting Rukia sheathed her Zanpaktou, glaring at the spot the Arrancar had previously occupied.

"Tch. I coulda handled 'im." The albino Hollow whined, shifting the unconscious Ichigo in his arms. A disbelieving look was all he received and Hichigo scowled in response. "I could..."

The albino Hollow stiffened when he felt the cool metal of a Zanpaktou press against the back of his neck, his grip tightening almost possessively round the still unconscious Ichigo. He kept his gaze on the female Shinigami before him however, the maniacal smile still plastered across his alabaster face as he greeted the attacker. "Yo."

"So you're Kurosaki's inner Hollow."

The pressure of the blade lessened the on the back of his neck and Hichigo took that as a sign to turn around. He blinked when he saw no one at eye level, looked around then looked down.

A disgruntled Hitsugaya glared up at him, the tip of Hyorinmaru disturbingly close to the albino Hollow's jugular. "Oh, hey Midget. Didn't see ya at first." Hichigo loosened his grip slightly on the eldest Kurosaki sibling in his arms. "A little late?"

The 'Midget's' eyes narrowed into slits at the degrading nickname. "Don't call me Midget,_ Hollow_." Was the cold warning. "What happened to Kurosaki?"

As Rukia joined the duo Hichigo gave a wide shit-eating grin. "Ah! Ya see, th' bastard Serpindento or sumthin'-"

"Serpiente." Rukia helpfully injected.

"-whatever, used his freaky weapon, Veneno that did...sumthin'..." His pale eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Not sure, hurt a lot though." He adjusted Ichigo in his arms again. "Then I somehow got outta King's inner world and kicked Serpietro-"

"Serpiente."

"-Yeah, Serpiente's ass." He nodded.

Hitsugaya eyed him for a few seconds, obviously looking for some grain of deceit before grudgingly nodding. "...Kuchiki-taichou went on patrol throughout the city after we were ambushed." The young Captain lowered his Zanpaktou but did not sheath it. "Apparently, you were attacked as well."

Hicihgo hummed. "Tha' means King's friends were prob'ly eaten or killed."

Rukia shot a flat look at the grinning Hollow. "There is no need to sound so happy."

"Anyway," The young Captain interrupted. "What I'm getting at is that this was a planned invasion, most likely by the traitor, Aizen."

"Well, they didn' plan th' attack very well, eh?" The albino Hollow snorted contemptuously. He adjusted Ichigo in his arms again. Man was King heavy.

Hitsugaya noticed the movement and raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you going to place him back into his body?"

"I would if I knew where 'is body was." Dammit, his arms were beginning to cramp. "Yo, female Shinigami! Where is it?" Rukia sighed and wandered away, presumably towards her gigai and Icihgo's body. "This way."

The young Captain followed the conscious two, noticing the lack of the behemoth Zanpaktou usually located on the substitute Shinigami's person. "Where is your weapon?" He asked, looking around the battlefield and spotting it a little ways away.

"Oh, yeah, Zangetsu. Can ya get the old man for us, Midget?" Hichigo shouted over his shoulder, ignoring the snarl Hitsugaya sent his way. "Thanks kid." He snickered quietly to himself when the young Captain's reiatsu spiked angrily.

As the young Captain struggled with Zangetsu who was a good foot taller than him - the weight was no problem but he wasn't going to hold it aloft like some idiot - Hichigo was slightly bothered (not worried) by the fact that he couldn't hear anything from King's end of their newly awakened mental link.

The dark green fluid that coated Veneno's blade coated the wounds on Ichigo, the poison mixing with the blood staining the albino Hollow's shihaksho an almost blackish colour; the broken skin around the wounds looked raw as the poison burned the skin, but didn't eat through it - which was strange as when the fluid splattered onto the pavement it ate through the pavement similar to that of hydrochloric acid.

So no, Hichigo wasn't at all worried for King, even when the redhead's skin gained a slight chill though his face was flushed.

Admittedly, he was ready to go into a _slight_ panic when he began to feel the effects of the poison himself.

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Hope y'all enjoyed!


	6. Debilitated

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairings:** IchiHichi (Possible side pairings)

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** Hichigo's dirty mouth, shonen ai (Slash, Yaoi, whatever), violence, gore, innuendos, mediocre writing skillz.

**Summary:** IchiHichi. Their relationship was dysfunctional at best, but Zangetsu was going to make them work together even if it killed them.

**Disclaimer: **Has Tokyo finally finished breeding those flying pigs yet?

**Beta:** Na (She helped me outta my writer's block so give her a round of applause)

**A/N: **Howdy y'all! I actually had time to reply to reviews this time! Huzzah! 106, Baby!!!! The last chapter was hastily updated cause it wasn't my own compooper (There was a queue, people who actually needed it for coursework so I had literally two minutes to update it and print off history coursework) and when I got home, there were still notes left over from Na Beta-ing that I forgot to erase, so it was Head2wall time before waiting for my parents to bugger off to Tesco to sneak onto the computer and editing it.

Yeah, my parents have BANNED me from the computer.

Not really, but they're nosey and keep asking what I'm doing on it, as if it's their fricken' business.

Sorry for being bitchy but, bleh, I'm annoyed as I'm suffering from BLEACH™ Withdrawal; Anime Central no longer shows BLEACH™ at 9:00pm every night and replaced it with s-cry-ed. I was sad as it was only seven episodes away from showing Hichigo's first appearance so I had to use YouTube on my PS3 instead. (Sigh) Anyway, sorry for the slow update but Coursework is attempting to crush my spirit and I'm getting so frazzled that I couldn't write for a while because the pink sticky note on my PS3 said; 'YOU CAN'T PLAY ON ME AND GET INSPIRATION UNTIL YOU DO YOUR LAW ESSAY AND PRACTISE YOUR TWO MUSIC PIECES!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!112.'

Three weeks to learn two music pieces in front of an examiner. How unfair is that?

Oh, and ain't sending me any reviews or chapter updates (Shakes fist) soooo, if ya wanna give me any requests you hafta E-mail me through my profile. I'll fix the problem later…so, request request request!! Ill be waaaaitiiiing!

And on another note, I have created a Bleach community, A Horse and his King, that contain IchiHichi stories. So if you wanna check it out, don't hesitate to do so.

Well, sorry for boring you with my excuses and rant! Enjoy this chapter that me and Na worked so hard on!

**Chapter Summary: **Kurotsuchi finally makes an appearance; Zangetsu rips off Evangelion and…OMG!!! Is that first hints of IchiHichi there!?

**Reviews:**

**fishing line:** I'm glad you enjoy it!

**Eos-hime: **Ufufufu, Hichi can get into sooo much trouble outside of his King's mind. :3 Perverted stuff. (Winks)

**HitokiriKurisuta: **I've only seen the episodes with Soul Society and Vizards (Basically the ones with Hichigo in) so I'm a little iffy too. I need to start watching them again soon. Thanks for reviewing!

**fendstrat.chick: **Thanks!

**bleachrules1314: **Chapter 8 is the IchiHichi. I wanna just forget the plot and jump straight to it but, oh well. I'm glad you're enjoying it!

**MysteriousEyez: **Thanks!

**RuByMoOn17: **You'll find out in this chapter, reeeead!

**YaoiHeartless122: **Marshmellows! I envy you. All I have are mint sticks.

**Kokiiru-kun**:Oh, you'll love this chapter :D

**Riceball 101: **I try to update has fast as I could, I have to send drafts of these chapters to my Beta, Na, in America to check that they're decent plus I don't have a working computer (cries), so I'm sorry if this was slow. Quality over quantity, right? Thanks for reviewing!

**anna606: **Hicihgo is as cool as a cucumber XP I'm glad you love my story!

**PenArtist10000: **Thanks!

**ShaShiSar221: **I like the beginning too so nah, you're not bad. And the last chapter was only as good as it was because you did an awesome job with it! My planning sheet only said for the last chapter: Serpiente fights Ichigo, Hichigo appears and kicks his ass because Ichigo was poisoned. -.-; I need…to go back to my planning sheets… Thanks again, Na!

**Riri Lee: **Oh, oops. I was thinking of the Yu-Gi-Oh card, Kunai with Chain when deciding what Veneno looked like…huh…I'll edit it when I get my own computer, thanks for pointing it out for me! And I love how Hichigo creeps everyone out XD

**anon.: **The Rock, paper, scissors thing was from when me and my brother played it to see who got the last brownie, I kept winning and he accused me of cheating. (Poor predictable Shaun always picks scissors then rock) Though I think Ichigo was referring to the fact that Hichigo was reading his mind or something (Which he probably was). I'm glad you enjoyed it!

**narakunohime: **I will, this story I'm actually going to finish! And if I try to discontinue it you all have my permission to kick my ass and strap me to the computer until I do.

**FireyFreedom: **I couldn't resist leaving a cliffhanger XP I hope I updated quick enough so you didn't die of suspense, I need my readers!

**SoraXNamine: **Hichigo wouldn't be Hichigo if he wasn't cocky. :-) Thanks for the review!

**Lady Geuna: **Ufufuffufu, the poison is veeery essential to the IchiHichi! And why was Hichigo forced out…? Well, you'll have to read and see (Ish ebil like that :D)!

**jayanx: **I always thought that Hichigo would have a sense of humour that was at the expense of other people, from what I've seen of him in the anime. I've only watched up to episode 35 and the episodes when Ichigo is training with the Vizards because Anime Central stopped showing BLEACH™ (Shakes fist). Wikipedia and YouTube are my friends. Thanks for the review!

**Metamorcy: **I had to stick in the toast bit in, got it from The Simpsons (_"Marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!"_). Hichigo popped into my head at that time. (Plus my toaster is ebil and only toasts one side of the bread to the point of charcoal) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

**MischaBleach: **I'm glad it's getting better! (To be honest, I'm thinking about editing the first chapter, it needs revising a little…probably after I finish this first…)

**judikickshiney: **Hichigo is the ruler of the world in Fragments, but yes, he is awesomness incarnate. I love writing the flashbacks! The one in episode 2 was going to be a one off thing but I couldn't resist doing it into a mini story since everyone else loved it. I'm glad you loved it!

**tokyo majin: **Couldn't resist poking fun at Hitsu's height, and guessed that Hichigo couldn't resist either XP. I'm trying to make the relationship develop at a realistic speed, so I hope I'm not going too fast.

**DeathGodGirl: **Crazy people are fun :D I'm glad you liked it!

**Barranca: **Yeah, they're still tied together so if Ichigo dies, Hichigo is basically screwed big time. So when Hichigo talks about him being the one to 'kill' him, he means it very loosely – as in, crushing him so he wouldn't fight him again. But let's see how long that desire lasts, ne?

I was going to stick episode #4's review replies in here but…there's too many, It would be five pages 'til I get to the story, so I'll put up your names as thanks:

**Nasake, Barranca, DeathGodGirl, judikickshiney, MischaBleach, Metamorcy, jayanx, Lady Geuna, SoraXNamine, FireyFreedom, narakunohime, anon., Riri Lee, ShaShiSar221 (Na), PenArtist10000, anna606, Riceball 101, tokyo majin, XENO Prototype, Megumi-Chan 181, Libeku Taganashi, RuByMoOn 17, YaoiHeartless 123, PirateCaptainBo, myloveiskyo, Kyra Windwood, Eos-hime, Favrite of Chaos, Invader-Nehima, bleachrules1314, Daiymo no Tashio, fendsrat.chick, xxkiokoxx, Stoic-Genius, Drop Of Poison, From the Psyche Ward, phantomschmerz, Greg, Not a member, saurian, Anonymous, hollow kenpachi 13, Afrieal, MissFlesh, crystal cerberus, Shandul-kun, PFT, Glue Project, MysteriousEyez, Kokiiru-kun, fishing line…**

All those names are every person that reviewed, and I give them all…A HUUUUUUUG!!!! (Glomp) Thanks guys! If it weren't for you I'd have no motivation for this fic! THANK YOOOOOUUUUU!!!

And thanks Na for being an awesome Beta (Glomps)! From all the reviews, I have apparently 50 readers, even though there's over 98 story alerts…ah well, I won't ask for reviews since it's up to you if you wanna or not (I don't review stories more than once to let the author knows I'm reading it so asking for you to review more would make me a hypocrite XP)

Now that all the mushy stuff is outta the way, it's time for Episode #6: DEBILITATED that everyone's been waiting for!

**Word Count: 5,127**

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"_Heh. That sounds like Lauren on a good day, Destroyer of Happiness and Stealer of Souls."_

"_Oh shut up. You're just jealous that I can inspire fear into children."_

_--- Friend being mean to me :(_

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_They couldn't see him._

_The white version of him. Even though he kept pointing it out to them, to his father, they said nothing was there then gave him those little tiny pills that made the world all fuzzy and discoloured, purple and blue marks staining the otherwise colourless room and his golden eyes narrowed at them in an animalistic glare._

_He was never happy after they made him take those little tiny pills. _

_Calloused rough hands gently brushed saline water from his cheeks, chilled pale lips pressing a scorching kiss against his forehead, those soft little whispers digging in his head, black thoughts ensnaring his mind, twisting and entwining their way through his mind like…_

"_Poison." He whispered, trembling hands tangling themselves in orange locks as the other in an alarmed tone asked what was wrong. What did he do? Was he hurt? Was there a threat? Was he scared?_

_As the other resumed crooning softly to him, rough calloused fingers brushing away tears and moving the tightly clenched fists from his hair, eerie molten gold eyes surrounded by a sea of black looking at him with possessiveness, dominance and adoration, Ichigo cried harder._

_It was poison. Sweet addictive poison._

**EPISODE #6: DEBILITATED**

Hichigo growled into the carpet in annoyance.

After placing King back into his corporal body - located in his bedroom to prevent complications - and the albino Hollow being reunited with Zangetsu, Rukia commented that the Hollow wasn't looking so well. This incurred a violent long-winded rant that he wasn't _weak_ and _pathetic_ enough like King to get _poisoned_ by some 3rd rate bastard.

Of course when he turned round to storm off dramatically, his legs decided that they couldn't be bothered supporting the albino Hollow's weight and made the aforementioned albino Hollow to fall embarrassingly, flat on his face.

The young white haired Captain saw this as a chance for payback, so Hitsugaya nudged the Hollow's motionless corpse with his sandaled foot and was rewarded with a muffled growl from the incapacitated Hollow. He mentally sniggered and repeated the action, his child-like side that was buried under proper decorum fitting for a Captain resurfacing.

"Fuckin' stop it Midget b'fore I step on ya!" Panting, the albino Hollow pushed himself up and irritably slapped the foot away. "I jus'…lost my balance there fer a sec…" He growled; unaware of the slight flush adorning his normally pale face.

Hitsugaya smirked at the flustered Hollow before turning to the bemused looking Rukia. "Perhaps I should return to Seireitei and bring a 4th Division member…or perhaps Unohana-taichou would come herself…"

"Get th' weedy lookin' kid." The albino Hollow interrupted, albeit breathlessly. "Don' want some Captain comin' an' rattin' 'im out." He shrugged, subtly leaning against the wall for support as his legs threatened to buckle again. "'Sides, King knows 'im, an' he can easily be silenced."

Rukia sent a reprimanding glare at the smirking albino and nodded to Hitsugaya. "I'll go to Seireitei and ask Unohana-taichou for assistance." At the young Captain's nod she leapt out of the window.

Leaving Hitsugaya and Hichigo in the same room as each other.

Alone.

Hichigo grinned. "So Midget…do ya have problems in reachin' th' top shelf?"

* * *

Ichigo felt like he had a hundred consecutive rounds with Kenpachi then left in the middle of the desert for some deranged punishment.

Unfocused bronze eyes cracked open, a soft moan slipping past his lips when the light above him blinded his eyes harshly and kicked his migraine up a notch on the Pain-o-Metre Scale. He distantly heard two voices squabbling in the background, absently noting that one of the voices was distorted.

His inner Hollow's voice was distorted like that…

Actually, that voice sounded _a lot_ like his inner Hollow. The fogginess in his mind cleared a little at this observation, his mind happily supplying him his last conscious memory of seeing molten gold eyes glaring at him surrounded by black sclera.

He moaned again as his mind connected the dots.

_Please…please let me be wrong…_He begged silently, dealing with the Hollow in his mind was bad enough, but outside it as well? Ugh, horror.

Steeling himself – and still begging that he was wrong – he forced his stiff, aching limbs to push himself up and drank in the peculiar sight of Hitsugaya locking the albino Hollow in a headlock, roaring _"I'M NOT A MIDGET!"_ over the Hollow's strangled laughter.

Ichigo concluded that he was probably dreaming.

Verdant eyes fell on the bemused looking Ichigo propped up on his elbows. The young white hair Captain froze as he realised that the two were making a scene – and if this ever got out to the Seireitei… - hastily shoved the still cackling Hollow away from him and leapt a few feet away as if he might catch a terminal illness.

Ichigo blinked.

"Ah…" Hitsugaya cleared his throat. "I see that you're awake, Kurosaki." He smoothed imaginary wrinkles from his shihaksho and nodded to him. "Kuchiki has gone to Seireitei to ask for a 4th Division member to see to you."

The momentarily forgotten albino Hollow crawled to his feet, using the wall as a prop. "Th' weedy lookin' kid's comin'." The Hollow cut in, silently ordering his legs to stop shaking. He kept his maniacal grin in place when King's dazed gaze landed on him. "So ya jus' sit tight."

"You're here…?" Hichigo twitched at unhappy tone. "And why do you look like you're going to faint?" A muscle violently spasmed around the vicinity of the Hollow's right eyebrow.

"I _ain't_ gonna faint!" He snarled, pushing himself from the wall and standing up straight, pleasantly surprised when his legs didn't buckle. "See! I ain't affected by that Sepietro or whatever's poison unlike you!" Unfortunately after this tirade, his legs buckled once again and his face was intimate with the carpet for the second time that day.

"Not. A. Word." The albino Hollow growled threateningly, jabbing a finger in Ichigo's general direction (and off by a few centimetres). Hitsugaya couldn't resist smirking at the sprawled form of the nauseous looking Hollow.

"Well, _Hollow_, it seems that you _are_ being affected by the poison."

Mumbling curses to himself, Hichigo mentally tacked Hitsugaya to the top of his 'Those That Shall Suffer Tonight' list.

* * *

"Hmmm…Is that so…? Very good, very good…Now then…I wonder why Hitsugaya-taichou and Kuchiki-taichou was keeping this to themselves…?"

Nemu watched with eerily blank eyes as the Hell Butterfly departed, not even twitching when the 12th Division Captain roughly brushed past her. Deep in the bowels of his headquarters, Kurotsuchi mumbled to himself erratically, shifting through crumpled smudged notes almost frantically.

"Where is it? Where is it…? Ah! Here it is!"

Smoothing out an ancient looking slip of paper, the small paragraph glared mockingly at him. _"'Of Vizards…Shinigami who have leant too far to the Hollow side, not much is known at this current time. It is believed, however, that the soul spilts. One Shinigami and the other Hollow. The repercussions of such an event are unknown and further research is required. X/X/XXX.'_ Gah! There's nothing here!" Furiously, the outlandish looking captain threw the paper on the floor in frustration and whirled round to face his stoic lieutenant. "Nemu! You stupid girl! Make yourself useful and keep a close watch on Kurosaki Ichigo! Report any irregular activity to me!"

Nemu nodded obediently, turning to leave. As she exited the 12th Division Captain's research lab, ignoring the howling screams of some specimen currently being examined, she barely caught the last few murmurs from her Captain.

"Hmm, with the two Captains looking out for him I won't be able to petition for a closer inspection…" The sound of ruffling papers. "Alerting Yamamoto-sou-taichou could be disastrous; he'd order the boy's destruction rather than capture…hmmm, what to do?"

An unconscious shudder worked its way down Nemu's spine.

* * *

Zangetsu had a problem.

Coincidentally involving Ichigo.

The Zanpaktou – the only inhabitant of Ichigo's inner world at the moment – was a little puzzled, something that very rarely happened as he was the all knowing guide who led Ichigo through his trails of being a powerful Shinigami. But as usual, Ichigo had a strange ability of starting unique trends.

Becoming extremely powerful after only three months as a Shinigami was one.

At the moment, however, his problem was focused on the other occupant of Ichigo's mind.

That was currently missing.

Oh yes, the Hollow did disappear time to time, lurking around in some obscure corner of the substitute Shinigami's mind or riffling through the redhead's memories (Zangetsu preferred not to ask) but this was something different. The Hollow had completely disappeared from Ichigo's Inner World.

It was around the time when Ichigo's inner world suffered an _earthquake_ – something that was greatly disturbing as even when Ichigo was near death during the battle with Kenpachi it didn't even tremble. After the earthquake, the albino Hollow had gone completely ridged as if in immense pain before releasing a string of violent curses.

He disappeared soon after that.

What happened after Ichigo passed out, he didn't know as the teen's consciousness went in an odd blank, so to speak, when the body succumbed to the poison of Veneno's blade. This put him into a slight restlessness as no one was wielding him at that precise moment, and since he and Ichigo's inner world was still here, the redhead hadn't died.

It was only when he felt the redhead's consciousness stir did he know what happened to the Hollow.

Zangetsu stopped his pacing, foot hovering in the air before slowly lowering it as the almost impossible feat bounced around in his head. But then again, the substitute Shinigami always achieved the impossible.

The two, though both had different minds, were essentially the same soul that was split in half. One is 'I', the identity that was Ichigo and the second half is the 'You', the one that observed itself - who was the Hollow. Because of their…unstable relationship, the two halfs were constantly fighting for dominance but, since the 'I' had more substance that the 'You', then the 'I' would constantly be in control.

Zangetsu's brows furrowed in thought. But since Ichigo and the Hollow had a truce – albeit a shaky one – the two halfs were no longer divided. Souls aren't supposed to be split, so the soul subconsciously adapted to keeping one in control and the other as a support to stop itself from deteriorating even more. But now that they both began working together, allowing the other to switch control to one another despite who is the primary half; the two halfs were smoothing over the ragged edges between each other.

Zangetsu's eyes widened behind his shades as the implications slammed into him with the force of a freight train.

The Zanpkatou stood still, mouth agape for three full seconds as the meaning sunk in, then an amused smile curled round his lips as he imagined the expressions on the two when he shared this piece of information with them.

Zangetsu erupted into vindictive laughter, and, at that exact moment, both Ichigo and Hichigo shuddered as an ominous feeling of foreboding descended upon them.

* * *

After entering Seireitei, the female Kuchiki narrowly avoided ploughing into the bizarre Captain of the 12th Division.

The outlandish Captain terrified her, if not for his callous, apathetic feelings for his subordinates – Orihime and Ishida told her how the Captain used his unknowing subordinates as living bombs, plus other unsavoury rumours followed Kurotsuchi-taichou around like a poisonous cloud – but the fact that his very presence made her skin crawl made her jittery.

"Ah! Kuchiki-san! I was just looking for you!" The predatorily grin on the golden eyed Captain's face made her shudder; she didn't buy the friendly tone for a second.

"Is that so, Kurotsuchi-taichou?" The female Shinigami stated coolly, blue eyes flickering around, dismayed to see no one else in sight aside from them. "I'm sorry, sir, but there is an emergency that I have to take care of." She resisted the urge to grip the hilt of her Zanpaktou when the Captain didn't seem at all insulted.

"Of course, of course! Give my regards to Kurosaki-san for me, will you? I heard some…_unusual_ things about him."

Rukia's blood ran cold as the world lost its colour. A shrill thought screamed through her mind; '_He __**knows**__!'_ Swallowing thickly, she gave a sloppy bow to the outlandish Captain. "O-Of course, Kurotsuchi-taichou! But I must really be going!" She straightened up, ready to brush past the Captain.

Kurotsuchi-taichou nodded and moved out of the shorter Shinigami's way. "When you have time, Kuchiki, do come to see me. There are some things that I need to _discuss_ with you about Kurosaki." The stress he placed on 'discuss' didn't sooth her frazzled nerves.

When Rukia retreated at a brisk walk, ignoring the piercing gaze of the 12th Division Captain boring into her back, she vowed that she would _not_ 'discuss' anything with the Captain. She needed to speak with 'Nii-sama, hopefully he'll be able to keep the outlandish Captain at bay. Hell, Hitsugaya-taichou would be a great help as well!

Rukia rounded a corner, indigo eyes flickering nervously around her as if expecting the Captain to kidnap her at any moment. She rubbed her arms, trying to wipe away Kurotsuchi-taichou's slimy presence from her body.

She didn't see Lieutenant Nemu of the 12th Division trailing after her.

* * *

Hichigo could not keep the act of being perfectly fine any longer.

With a despondent groan, the Hollow rubbed at his scorching forehead as the migraine of all migraine's mercilessly clawed at his brain and his internal radiator was put up at maximum. He never felt this horrible in his life! Though he did feel a little happy that his King looked worse off then he did.

The Hollow had enough of face planting the carpet so he dragged himself to the foot of Ichigo's bed and flopped down on it, ignoring the redhead's half hearted protests. He just smacked the teen's leg and the substitute Shinigami soon fell silent, too ill and feverish to keep up the argument.

Despite Hitsugaya's apathetic expression, the Hollow had a slowly building paranoia that the young Captain was enjoying himself at their expense.

In fact, contrary to the Hollow's paranoid accusations, the white haired Captain was wondering what was taking the 6th Division Captain so long. He could feel the 6th Division Captain's reiatsu flare up occasionally in different parts of the city, before disappearing completely, then appearing a totally different part of the city. Hitsugaya frowned lightly, wondering if the elder Kuchiki had ran into some powerful trouble.

Verdant eyes watched the two other males sprawled out on the bed, the redhead looking much worse off than the Hollow. From what he had gathered, Kurosaki was the one that got wounded by Veneno's blade, so it was to be expected that the substitute Shinigami would be worse off than the Hollow. But, the Hollow hadn't been scratched by the blade at all, unless the Hollow's infamous regenerative abilities sealed off any wounds.

What the young Captain didn't know was that Veneno's poison didn't need to be injected into the victim's body through a wound, touching the skin worked just as well. Unfortunately for Hichigo, the droplets of the viscous fluid that splattered onto his cheek were enough.

Hitsugaya grimaced and glanced out of the partially open window, wondering when the female Kuchiki would arrive with either Unohana-taichou or that Hanataro. There was no way _he_ was going to play Nurse.

Suddenly having an odd feeling of someone laughing at him, the young Captain turned his gaze to Ichigo's Zanpaktou propped up against the wall by the cupboard. The light reflected off it mockingly.

Hitsugaya was not paranoid. That thing was laughing at him.

Feeling the 6th Division's Captain's reiatsu flare up again, Hitsuagaya pushed from where he was leaning against the wall. "You two behave yourselves until Kuchiki returns. I'll see what is taking Kuchiki-taichou so long." As he leapt onto the window sill he ignored the albino Hollow's mutters off, _'visiting yer boyfriend, eh?'_

He'd get him later.

Ichigo grumbled to himself as the young Captain left, rolling over and pressing his uncomfortably hot face against his soft pillow. He heard the albino grunt when he 'accidentally' kicked him and smirked to himself in satisfaction, tangling his legs round his quilt.

"Tch. Yeh get th' pillow an' th' quilt, eh King?" Hichigo snickered, saffron eyes amused as the redhead simply waved a dismissive hand in the Hollow's direction accompanied by an incoherent growl. The albino's gaze trailed from the redhead down to the socked feet next to his arm.

Smirking lightly, the Hollow rolled onto his side and reached out with black nailed fingers, slowly tracing feather light touches along the clothed arch of his King's foot. He was rewarded with an annoyed growl and a twitch.

Eyes lighting up with malicious glee; slim, pale fingers trailed from the arch of the redhead's foot up to the bare patch of skin on Ichigo's ankle, he drew unidentifiable shapes on the bare skin, grin widening at the irritated mumblings Ichigo was growling out.

He hastily withdrew his hand when the foot lashed out, narrowly avoiding a kick to the chest. The albino frowned when the redhead curled up, taking his ticklish feet out of reach. Molten gold eyes examined his King curiously, a cool hand rubbing absently at his scorching forehead.

Ichigo frowned when he felt the bed shake a little, springs creaking when a heavy weight sat down beside him. Moving his face from the pillow, he tilted his head up to meet amused saffron eyes and groaned. "Leave me alone, Hollow. Lemme sleep."

The Hollow's grin grew wider. "Aw, King's feelin' ill." He ignored the weak swat to his arm. "Yeh do realise how easy it would be ta get rid of ya right now, right?" Cool fingers brushed against the substitute Shinigami's damp orange locks. "Yeh pretty weak."

"You wouldn't." Ichigo grumbled, frowning when the back of the Hollow's cool hand pressed against his forehead. It soothed the angry heat so he didn't complain. "You'd rather fight me when I'm at my full strength... and what are you doing?"

"Yer hotter than me…" The Hollow mumbled under his breath. Leaning back, the mildly flushed albino scrutinised the substitute Shinigami closely. "Hn. I dunno. People do that when th' patients have a fever, ne?"

"You're an idiot." Ichigo mumbled, snatching back the Hollow's pale hand and pressing it against his forehead. "Why're you so damn cold?" If Ichigo had been in a clearer mind, he would've been more worried about the albino's rather close proximity rather than the Hollow's body temperature.

"I dunno, ta be used as an air conditionin' unit?" Hichigo snorted. Tugging his hand from Ichigo's lax grip, the Hollow tilted his head at the feverish teen. "Huh. Yer less wound up when yer sick, King." A pale eyebrow quirked upwards when his King snatched his hand back to place it back on the redhead's scorching forehead. "Uh, King?"

"Sh'up." The substitute Shinigami mumbled semi-coherently. "Y're han' cold."

The Hollow released a sigh, before lying down beside his King, staring in amusement at his kidnapped appendage. "…Yeh really have no idea what the Hell ya doin' right now, do ya?" He sighed, grin fading to a small smile. "Silly King."

Ichigo swatted the albino's arm weakly. "Sh'up. Tryin' sleep."

Hichigo snickered quietly, feeling his own headache fade away. "Hey…King?"

"Gnhm?"

Hichigo pretended that was a sign to continue. "If ya could…would ya get rid of me?" Molten gold eyes trailed over the redhead's flushed features. "Jus' curious, would ya?" The Hollow leant forward a little, moving his warmed alabaster hand from Ichigo's forehead.

Unnaturally bright bronze eyes blinked sleepily at the solemn saffron. The redhead fumbled clumsily through the question, thoughts organised haphazardly. "Hm? Why? I can' ge' rid o' ya." The redhead yawned and swatted the Hollow away. "Go away. Tryin' ta sleep."

"Jus' answer, King." A hint of exasperation tinged the Hollow's distorted voice. "Would ya?"

"Y're too us'f'l. S'no I g'ess." The substitute Shinigami glared fuzzily at the albino Hollow. "_Now_ c'n I go sleep?"

For some reason the Hollow looked genuinely _happy_ and nodded. "Sure, Ichigo." He allowed the redhead to kidnap his hand and press it the feverish teen's hot forehead, a small smile curled round his lips.

If Ichigo noticed the slip of his name, he did not mention it.

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**A/N: **IchiHichi has arrived!!! Huzzaaaaahh!!!

But the hardcore stuff won't be happening till…2 or 3 chappies from now XP

Oh, yes, I updated this chapter alongside with printing off my Law essay for that day at 7:00am in the morning, if I didn't hand it in, I wouldn't be entered for the GCSE Exam (Our teacher is a female version of Snape). Then horror of horrors, my mom's FECKING COMPUTER DELETED ALL 5'756 WORDS! EVERY! SINGLE! ONE! I stared in horror at the screen before screaming so loudly, my dad fell down the stairs thinking I got raped by a cactus or something.

Thankfully my Dad is a computer whiz and got it all back after me practically throttling him to do so.

Anyway, that was just a random sliver of what goes on in my life; hopefully the next update will go quicker since three of my GCSE exams will be over by the end of Feburary (25th, 26th and 27th respectively). Huzzah!

**PREVIEW FOR EPISODE #7: BLUSH**

Zangetsu: I have something very important to tell you two…

Hichigo: What is it?

Ichigo: I have a really bad feeling…

Zangetsu: It's something that you can view good or bad.

Hichigo: Definitely bad.

Zangetsu: I know why all these odd things have been happening… (Unnecessary pause)

Ichigo: Yes?

Zangetsu: And it's because… (Another unnecessary pause)

Hichigo: Spit it out already!

Zangetsu: You two are-

**OH, SORRY FOLKS! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARADERIE!**

**KIVAEMBER, OUT!**


	7. Blush

**Title:** Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairing: **IchiHichi

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I only own a purple Violin and a PS3…I need nothing else (aside from my laptop that is not yet mine)

**Summary: **IchiHichi. Chapter 7, Hanataro gives the verdict, Hichigo has a bad feeling and Zangetsu finally explains what's going on.

**A/N: **Ceri – my friend – decided to try and kill me.

Not intentionally, but she gave me a heart attack (I think it was a mini heart attack as my heart skipped a few beats and I fainted) by _screaming_ down my ear when my mind was somewhere else. That was embarrassing as it was in the middle of the school's corridor and Ceri thought that she killed me. Though the only injury I suffered was a bruised pride and a headache (those floors are _hard_).

Completely irrelevant information but everyone found it hilariously funny, after they were certain that I didn't suffer a coronary.

Everyone thank Na and her roomie for giving me information on the poison that is used in this chapter. And, of course, thank Na for Beta-ing this chapter once more! (Claps) Thanks Na!

Anywho, I got a lot of reviews for this chapter (must've been the mild IchiHichi) and I was happy, happy, happy! 142 reviews so far! So…once this chapter reaches 14, I'd have 284 reviews! Estimate, of course. Anyway, enough ranting, time to reply!

**Krazy Kitsune13: **Don't worry about Renji, he'll be appearing next chappie. Thanks for reviewing!

**seasnake.756: **Ah, those two can be extremely cute with each other. (Sighs)

**Norty lil angel: **I needed cliffhangers, it snags more readers X3 My sticky notes are possessed by the devil and my music teacher is the devil. She inspires fear into the heart of her students and thinks that I have so much time (which I don't) that I can practise every day. And here's the chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

**Susume: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it!

**Miastic: **X3 Couldn't resist cutting the preview off there. Hey, you're the writer of the AU IchiHichi story, right? Something School for boys? (Couldn't remember the first name) Love it.

**Nasake: **It's because of their horrible luck. Everything that Zangetsu says is important is bad. And Mayuri creeps me out big time. That's why I like him. And what Zangetsu says…well…you'll find out soon! BWAHAHAHAHA!! (Gets bricked)

**anon.: **When I was sending a chapter to Na, mam asked me if there was anything rude in it…I said no. (I lied, it was the one when Ichigo got punched through the chest and chock full of swears :D) And as for Hichigo's list? Well…at the moment Zangetsu and Hitsugaya.

**Eos-hime: **Stuck in a barren inner world with nothing but a mentally unstable Hollow for company…I pity the man- er…sword…man…thing. And what will he tell them…? Everyone will love it, believe me! (Aside from Ichigo and Hichigo but they will in time)

**RuByMoOn17: **I know! And they can be sexy together too!

**HitokiriKurisuta: **Aww…if I had drawing ability, I would so draw that. Maybe I could inquire on Deviantart…hmmm…Zangetsu needed an evil laugh moment. Everyone does. Hichigo is crazy enough to think inanimate objects laugh at him and Hitsugaya has probably spent so much time glaring at paperwork and a Matsumoto in an alcohol induced coma that glaring at inanimate objects come naturally to him.

**narakunohime: **Here it is, then!

**ShaShiSar221: **Thanks for the poison info and Beta-ing! Yosh! Only one more chapter (hopefully) till the hardcore IchiHichi!! (Dances) And you get it before everyone else! Lucky.

**Sandshadow: **Probably is as ploughing _into_ a cactus is extremely painful so I presume being raped by one would be. Stupid Shaun…he pushed me into a cactus because I dumped a Chameleon on his bed and he sat on it. Ah, Cyprus, how I miss thee.

**fendstrat.chick: **I'm glad too, and as much as I hate reading cliffhangers, I love writing them XP

**judikickshiney: **I'm glad you did! Thanks!

**SoulReaper71: **Oh, the title! Well, Dysfunctional means that it malfunctions and Camaraderie means Comradeship. So…Malfunctioning Comradeship basically…but Dysfunctional Camaraderie sounds better XP. And I couldn't resist writing fluff (since Na suggested 'Bonding-time' between the two to get me out of my Writer's Block), but soon – hopefully – there'd be smut! Well, as much smut I could sneak in here as its rated T…I'll probably write side stories with al the smut in it…

**fishing line: **Hichigo can be adorable (ducks under Hichigo's punch) uh…but he can be super smexy too! (Hichigo glares but stops attacking) Phew! Ichigo can be super adorable too which just adds to the cuteness! Yay!

**Kokiiru-kun: **FLUUUUUUUFF:D

**Invader-Nehima: **Yeah, the quote was from the top of…Parenting for Dummies or Cupcakes…I can't remember which one…I couldn't think of another one. And hopefully, work won't be bogging me down much longer as after Feburary I'll have finished two GCSEs! Huzzah! I'm glad you like it!

**phantomschmerz: **Thanks:D

**xxkiokoxx: **Ufufufuu…patience is a virtue! One or two more chapters and the IchiHichi will begin!!! (Lemons perhaps? But then I'll have to bump the ratings up, damn)

**Sushifish: **Ah, sorry Sushifish, but Na already has that position! Thanks for offering though!

**PenArtist10000: **Huzzah!

**jayanx: **My family has Army Humour, taking pleasure form other people's pain (but I think that's Schadenfreudre though) and sarcasm is the hightest form of intelligence! (Cackles) And I also love the relationship between Ichigo and Hichigo. As they say, there's a thin line between love and hate. Hopefully, I'll be able to explain everything in this chapter about their gradual liking towards each other. I also have a list, though it's called 'Those That I Shall Laugh at When I Create the First Perfect Human/Animal Hybrid'. Thanks for reviewing!

**Riri Lee: **I think this chappie is humourus at the beginning but gets gradually serious as it goes on…I'll tie the memories at the top soon, they're almost finished so I have no idea what'll I'll do at the beginning if that happens. (More memories between Ichigo becoming a Shinigami to the fight with Byakuya in Soul Society?) I can't wait to see your stories! Oh, and because LJ was being stupid, I read your story on your journal (forgotten its title) that got inspired by the Spanish Inquisition and that song by Blood Brothers…I cried. I seriously did cry because it was so…sad. I totally loved it.

**broken0dream: **Thank you! And you're close, but not quite.

**Barranca: **I'll allow the world to become a tropical rainforest if only for a BLEACH™ Episode of those two being smutty or cute together…sighs…

**MysteriousEyez: **Thank you! Plenty more fluffy scenes on the way! (Along with smutty ones of course…)

**moonlit dew: **Ah, so many short jokes to pin on Hitsugaya till he snaps and does an Edward Elric (_"Who're you calling so small that an ant could step on him because I was so small he couldn't see him!?"_)I'm glad I was able to keep them in character! And I've done that, missing a story that is good and have no idea how. Thanks for reviewing!

**Magami no Shi: **I'm looking forwards to the IchiHichi too XD Glad you love it!

**YOUKNOWWHAT: **My mam's computer despises me for some reason. Too many times has it translated my work into Korean or turned them into dollar symbols. WHY!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME!? Can't wait for my new laptop…well, I'm glad you love it so far!

**SoraxNamine: **Here it is! Enjoy!

**my renji-kun I HAS A FEATHER: **Media player refuses to download my CDs. And I've almost finished your request by the way!

**Afrieal: **Oooh, Bronchitis sounds horrible. You have my sympathy Af. Thanks for reviewing!

**DeathGodGirl: **I've tried that, it's gotten to the point where I drag out writing my essays and coursework so I have longer time on the computer. At the moment? Law. And where would Ichigo go if Yamamoto-sou-taicho orders an all out hunt for him? Nowhere, he has too many friends in high places at Seireitei that they'd ignore orders…hopefully. And as a teaser, Yamamoto-sou-taichou _does_ find out…in the worst possible way…

**tokyo majin: **Ugh. GCSEs are horrible, can't wait for them to be over (and finish school a month early). I'm glad I've set the pace right! Thanks for reviewing!

**FireyFreedom: **I'm glad it rocks! Wooo!

Phew, that was a lot of reviews! I'm happy though! (Victory dance) This took _three pages_ :O and is 1'307 words. I made this chapter extra longer to make it seem not so short (and trying to cram all the important stuff in here so the IchiHichi can start sooner.)

Oh, and another irrelevant sentence. I took an IQ test…I have 127 IQ!! W00T!

**Word Count: **4'583

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"_No amount of therapy will ever make this moment okay."_

_--- Timmy Turner, Fairly Odd Parents_

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_Hichigo sobbed softly, grovelling on hands and knees as he stared in desperation at the trembling redhead's back. "Please, lil' King! Please! Don't lock me away!"_

_The child sobbed, pressing the palms of his hands against closed bronze eyes. "I-I have to! Because I have to go back a-and protect my family!"_

_The albino threw himself flat on the ground, hugging the ten-year-old's legs, panic beginning to set in as he felt, rather then saw, his body beginning to become translucent. "Please King! I'll help you! I won't hurt anyone anymore! Don't lock me away!"_

_Ichigo sniffled, crouching down but still keeping his back to the albino Hollow. "Sorry. I'm sorry."_

"_No…" The albino whispered brokenly, seeing his arms fading into nothing. "I won't go…I…I…I lo-"_

_Ichigo released an ear-splitting wail of anguish as his albino copy disappeared, leaving him all alone in the colourless, padded room._

**EPISODE #7: BLUSH**

"Rukia!"

The female Shinigami stumbled at the sound of her name, the meek looking 4th Division member almost ploughing into her from behind at her abrupt stop. Ignoring Hanataro's stuttered apologises, the female Kuchiki turned to see a dishevelled, muddy Ishida, Chad and Orihime. "You're all okay then? That's good."

The bespectacled teen adjusted his glasses, lips pursed. "No thanks to that useless Kurosaki. Where is that idiot, anyway?"

Rukia sighed. "Well, we were ambushed. He fought an Arrancar-" Noticing their confused expressions she waved a hand. "I'll explain that later. I was too busy fending off Hollows en-masse and Ichigo fought the Arrancar…unfortunately the Arrancar's blade secreted some sort of poison and he collapsed from it." She unconsciously shuddered at the memory of the redhead screaming in agony.

Orihime gasped. "But…Kurosaki-kun is okay, right?"

Rukia's lips twisted in a wry smile. "Oh yes…thanks to Ichigo's inner Hollow."

Ishida frowned, removing his glasses to wipe the flecks of mud off of them. "His Hollow? It took possession of his body, then?"

Rukia's smile grew larger. "No, actually. The Hollow has its own body and it tripping over its feet sounded pretty solid to me."

Ishida dropped his glasses in a conveniently placed puddle of mud, stunned.

X.x.X 

When the motley group arrived at Ichigo's bedroom via the window – the redhead always complained about how there was no use in him having a door anymore since his window seemed to be fulfilling that role perfectly well – they did a slight double take.

The albino copy of the substitute Shinigami was slumped over on the desk, doodling questionable sketches on random pieces of paper and muttering occasionally. Ishida was rather disappointed. He expected it to look more…Hollow-ish.

The Hollow twisted his head round and pinned an irritated molten gold glare at the female Kuchiki. "Ya took yeh Goddamned time, bitch."

Rukia's face fell ominously, indigo eyes darkening. "I ran into Kurotsuchi-taichou, Hollow." She growled. "And I wouldn't be insulting someone when you can barely walk two steps without falling down!" She paused briefly, noticing that one person was mysteriously absent. "Where's Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"Meetin' 'is boyfriend." The albino snorted.

She didn't believe him. "Well, Ichigo is still asleep." The female Shinigami commented brightly, shoving Hanataro towards the flushed redhead. "So maybe you should check him while he's still unconscious and won't put up much of a fuss." The Hollow opened his mouth to say something (most likely scathing) but quickly closed it when Rukia kicked him.

Everyone else in the group stood awkwardly as they waited for the meek Shinigami to finish his diagnostic on Ichigo's health. The slight worry on the male's face did not ease their concerns that much.

"So…what's wrong with us- er, 'im, then?" Hichigo yawned, slouching over the desk again as another wave of dizziness washed over him.

Hanataro squeaked at hearing the Hollow's distorted voice behind him but answered. "Well…um…it seems to be a mutant form of Tubocurarine chloride…a type of dart poison or muscle relaxant." He quickly explained at the peanut gallery's confused expressions. "It was used in the Living Realm as anaesthesia before being banned and well…uh, basically paralyses patients. But it seems to have been, um, modified for it to work on souls…"

"If this was from an Arrancar…" Ishida started slowly. "Which are some kind of Hollow…then wouldn't they poison themselves if they consumed the soul contaminated by this poison?"

"No." Hanataro shook his head. "It can't cross mucous membranes and isn't orally active."

Hichigo groaned and slammed his head on the desk. "I dunno what that means but…King's alright then? Cause it would be a pain if he died." Ugh he felt so horrible…even worse then before.

Hanataro nodded. "Well…that's kind of the weird thing…" He fidgeted when everyone's attention was directed on him. "B-Because…well…this also causes death by asphyxiation since it stops the respiratory muscles from contracting. And he doesn't seem to be suffering from that…much."

Hichigo blinked. "Eh?"

Rukia rolled her eyes and kicked the Hollow a second time, earning a pained growl. "It means, Hollow that he's able to breathe properly when he shouldn't be able to." She frowned in thought. "And you shouldn't be able to breathe properly either."

"My Hollow reiatsu is tryin' ta rid of this tubecarune shit. But 'cause of that idiot over there, I can't fully get rid of it." He shrugged. "So maybe it's stoppin' that from happenin'?"

"But Kurosaki doesn't have Hollow reiatsu." Ishida argued. He turned to the male Shinigami. "You said it was a mutant form, right? Maybe for it to work on souls; it needed to sacrifice that particular trait?"

"King does have Hollow reiatsu!" Hichigo interrupted. "He has _mine_, Fairy-boy!"

"And that would mean you would have his…" Rukia murmured. "Well…that explains why you're still poisoned despite your reiatsu trying to purge your system of it."

"Then why isn't Kurosaki-kun cured too?" Orihime piped up. "I mean…if Hollow-san's reiatsu is curing him…and curing Ichigo…wouldn't they both be fine?"

"It's too much work." Hanataro mumbled. "The poison's other modification seems to be adapting to cures. If it was just the…um…" He shot a nervous look at the scowling Hichigo. "T-The Hollow…then it…he'd be fine since his reiatsu would immediately get rid of it. But because Ichigo got it first…the Hollow's reiatsu would have to convert into a neutral reiatsu and filter through to him and cure it quickly…but that means that the poison is able to filter back into the Hollow and…well…they kind of both get poisoned and gradually get worse instead of better."

"So it's King's fault." The albino summarised. "An' I'm doin' all th' hard work. No wonder I feel like shit…"

"But he can be cured, right?" Rukia asked.

"Yeah…I-I think I can. It'll probably take a few days though…and I'll need someplace where I can work a little better…"

"Urahara's." Rukia immediately said. "This poison only affects souls, right? So if we take Ichigo out of his corporal body and place Kon in there, it wouldn't be a problem? Because I doubt Ichigo would want to get in trouble for disappearing for a few days."

"Um…theoretically…yes."

Rukia whirled upon the silent Mexican who had been standing quietly in the corner throughout this exchange. "Can you carry them?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Them?" Hichigo growled suspiciously.

"Since you're the only one keeping Ichigo alive at the moment, we'll need to cure you too. So you're coming to Urahara with us." Oh, Rukia's grin was positively evil. "You can barely stand let alone walk halfway across town, Hollow."

The albino climbed unsteadily to his feet, using the desk as a prop. "I think I'd rather die 'ere an' take King with me then let y'all kill my pride!" He pointed dramatically at the female Shinigami. "Jus' cause ya brought friends don' mean I'll do as ya say, bitch!"

Rukia grinned maliciously. "Oh really?"

X.x.X 

"I'm gonna kill ya all! I'm stickin' ya on my list right now yeh sick bastards! Dammit! LET ME DOWN YOU MENTALLY RETARDED LUMBERJACK!"

Sado serenely ignored the Hollow's – albeit weak – thrashing on his left shoulder, following a silently snickering Rukia through the alleyways to Urahara's shop. The albino screeched wildly, steadily making the tall teen deaf in his left ear. Oh well, at least Ichigo wasn't conscious to accompany the Hollow in its complaining (more like screams of rage).

Hanataro kept a good distance between him and the screaming Hollow, also placing a greatly amused Ishida and nervous Orihime between them. "H-He really can't hurt us, right?" The 4th Division member asked cautiously as the Hollow began punching Sado's back.

"At the moment, the Hollow's full of nothing but hot air." The Quincy answered, light glinting off his glasses ominously. "And it is hard to be afraid of someone screaming like a virgin woman being carried off by Yakuza."

After a particularly ear-splitting shriek of fury – reaching a pitch no self respecting male could even hope to reach – Hanataro tentatively agreed.

X.x.X 

Hichigo despised Urahara with passion.

Within an hour, he had been split from his King's body, been poisoned, had a 'moment' with King for some unexplainable reason, carted around on a mute Mexican's shoulder like a sack of potatoes and added over five people onto his List. The day had not been a good one for the Hollow.

At the moment, however, when that wimpy guy…flower or something, fussed over his idiotic King, giving the unconscious redhead some weird medicine to 'smother the poison for a few hours'; Kisuke Urahara decided to curse him with his presence and that _fucking fan_!

Almost as if the blond male had read his thoughts, the green striped fan made an appearance, shielding the ex-Shinigami captain's grinning mouth from view. "I must say, I've never seen anything like this before…" His grey eyes twinkled mischievously. "I did some thinking about that incident a week ago." Hichigo shivered. "And I came up with two conclusion, one bad…and the other bad but good."

The Hollow did not ask. "And? Why should I care what th' Crackhead thought of?" Hichigo scoffed, crossing his arms with difficulty and watched the 4th Division Shinigami fiddle with some notes and small vials. "My goal hasn' changed. I _will_ defeat King an' take 'is crown."

Urahara looked like New Years had come early. "I didn't say anything about your goal changing, Hollow."

The Hollow went rigid, silently cursing himself for putting his foot in it. "Tch. It's not what yeh implyin', Crackhead."

Oh yes, Urahara looked like the happiest man on Earth. "What do you think I'm implying?"

Molten gold eyes gave a sideways glance at the assembled peanut gallery listening in, not even trying to be subtle about it. "Ya know what I mean, Crackhead." He sulked, absently noting that someone carried Zangetsu and placed it in the corner of the room. "An' I don' really care either."

Orihime raised a hand hesitantly. "Urahara-san? What…what two conclusions did you come too about Kurosaki-kun and Hollow-san?"

"Ah! Glad you ask, Orihime-chan!" The eternally unshaven man laughed, finally shutting the green striped fan closed. "The first, and bad, conclusion is that the two souls are going to attempt to become one again, something that would be very bad and messy – intervention _could_ help Ichigo…but there'd still only be, oh… 3 per cent chance he'll live." He grinned happily at the group's horrified expressions. "This is strengthened by the fact that Ichigo temporarily became a full Hollow for a few minutes a week ago, meaning that the two halves aren't as…fragmented as before."

Rukia swallowed. "A-And…what's the second conclusion?"

"Well, the second one is both good _and_ bad."

Hichigo felt a surge of trepidation.

Urahara snapped the green striped fan open and chuckled. "…But at the moment I'll need the Hollow's confirmation that the second conclusion is plausible." Grey eyes sparkled. "And judging by his reactions thus far…I say it is!"

"Eh!?" The albino did a spastic twitch. "I don' even know what yeh on 'bout! So how th' hell can I help ya decide that one of yeh crackpot theories are right!?"

"Subconsciously, you do." The blond, ex-Shinigami Captain chuckled.

The Hollow stared at him for a few minutes. "…Th' Hell does that mean?"

The green striped fan snapped close again, revealing the blond man's shit eating grin. "I'm sure Ichigo's Zanpaktou can answer that for you."

The Hollow had a really, _really_ bad feeling that it wasn't going to be something good.

**X.x.X**

One cardboard cut out later – via Urahara – and Zangetsu was standing solemnly before the incapacitated Hollow slumped against the wall. Though not apparent to the peanut gallery, Hichigo could see the miniscule, vindictive smirk on the Zanpaktou's lips.

The Hollow's non-beating heart sank. It was something bad.

"Well then!" Urahara exclaimed. "It's time to see if my second theory is correct!" He seemed to be restraining himself from dancing as he asked Zangetsu The Dreaded Question (TDQ). "What's happening to Ichigo?"

The Zanpaktou was silent for a minute before murmuring. "I have a theory…" He began; Zangetsu paused as if in thought, though Hichigo knew that it was to send him a malicious look of amusement before continuing. "And it seems to be true thus far."

Urahara looked ready to explode with excitement.

"The two are halves of the same soul." Zangetsu murmured softly, everyone leaning in to hear better. The Zanpaktou was a little disappointed that Ichigo was still unconscious and unable to hear the big reveal, but the substitute Shinigami can't sleep forever, and there's always his inner world. "And they are beginning to merge."

Rukia sighed. "So…they are going to die then."

"No." Zangetsu seemed amused. "I didn't phrase that properly. Their reiatsu is beginning to merge, allowing them access to each other's." He paused when Hanataro shuffled into the wonky circle. "This will actually allow them to become more powerful and their current balance more stable than before."

"That's what I figured!" Urahara grinned. "But that comes with a side effect, right?"

Hichigo had a feeling he didn't want to hear this.

"Th' hell?" A quiet groan attracted the group's attention. Zangetsu's mood brightened considerably and the gnawing in the Hollow's gut told him it was going to get much, _much_ worse.

"Ichigo!" Orihime cried happily. "Are you okay!?"

"If you stop shouting, yeah." The redhead groused, attempting to sit up but his arms unable to take the weight. "Ah damn. I feel like shit."

"Join th' club." The Hollow snorted. "We have jackets."

"Oh! You woke up just in time, Ichigo!" Urahara laughed. The redhead was immediately on guard, hazed bronze eyes taking in the Hollow's expression of unease.

"…I think I should just go back to sleep." He muttered, but was instantaneously dragged out of the futon and was placed beside his albino copy against the wall by an energized Urahara. "Or not, I guess." He blinked the fog from his mind, staring up at the solemn Zanpaktou. "Zangetsu? What are you doing here?"

"Explaining what is happening to you two." Zangetsu sighed. "Hopefully there will be no interruptions?" He waited as everyone settled into a comfortable position on the floor, before sitting down himself; taking his place at the head of the slightly squashed circle.

"This is like a gay boy scouts meetin'." Hichigo snorted. He grunted a second later when Ichigo elbowed his ribs. "Ow."

"If I may continue?" Zangetsu asked lightly. The Hollow grumbled but stopped when the redhead elbowed his ribs a second time and Rukia thwacked him across the head. He ignored Hichigo's cries of pain and continued on blithely. "Their previous arrangement was for one to conquer the other, for there to be a 'King' of the body; by the way Hollow, Ichigo would've always won these little skirmishes by default. You never actually had a chance"

Hichigo was looked a little stunned before pointing dramatically at the Zanpaktou. "You little shit! You set me up!"

Zangetsu smirked at the Hollow's enraged visage and carried on with his explanation. "But because of a truce that they had created, and allowing each other the possession of the body and ignoring who carries the title of 'King', the split soul began to make the necessary adjustments to 'fix' the soul further. This has allowed them to share reiatsu, for good or bad, and unblock their mind from each other."

"What does that mean?" Ishida inquired, looking interested in this conversation.

"Nothing relevant." Zangetsu dismissed. "But because the soul is too far gone to fully join as one once more it has to get as close as possible without either of the halves dying in the process."

Urahara giggled as a look of horrified comprehension dawned on the bespectacled Quincy.

No one else seemed to get it yet. "But how close can two halves get without killing themselves?" Rukia asked, more to herself than the assembled motley group.

Hanataro blinked at the crimson faced Ishida beside him.

Urahara couldn't hold it in any longer. "It seems Ishida has figured it out!" The blond man sang cheerfully, a look of unadulterated glee on his face. Everyone turned their attention onto the nervously coughing dark haired teen who seemed unable to look at the substitute Shinigami and the albino Hollow.

"Erm." He adjusted his glasses. "Is that…actually feasible?" Ishida asked in a strained voice. Both Zangetsu and Urahara nodded. "…" He turned his embarrassed gaze on the two incapacitated males. "…You…" He shook his head.

Something clicked in Hichigo's head.

"Ugh." Ichigo groaned. "My headache is stopping me from thinking too much. Can I just go to sleep again and come back to this when I stop feeling like shit?" He paused when he noticed the slightly freaked out expression on the Hollow's face. "Huh? What's up with you?"

The Hollow did not answer. "You…" He pointed at the smirking Zangetsu. "You knew! That's why you told me to make a truce with King!"

With half the group confused as to what was going on, they were even more perplexed when the Zanpaktou laughed. "Of course! I don't know why you are so angry, Hollow. You and Ichigo benefit from it greatly."

Hichigo could only gape; torn between bursting into hysterical laughter and lunging at the man sitting directly across from him.

Due to his incapacitated state, the Hollow chose to erupt into a fit of crazed giggles instead of embarrassing himself.

Ichigo really didn't want to ask but…it was probably best to get it over with. His mind was already fitting the pieces together. "Please…don't tell me…"

Urahara threw his hands up into the air, shit-eating grin stretching to epic proportions. "You two are doomed to be lovers until the day your souls are destroyed!"

Well fuck.

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**A/N:**Whoa, that was a lot of explaining! But hopefully that has cleared a few things up and now, with everyone knowing more or less what's going on I can now start off with the IchiHichi! Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Of course, Ichigo ain't gonna take this lying down, so there's gonna be a few arguments next chapter…and something else (winks).

**PREVIEW FOR EPISODE #8: CONFUSION**

Hichigo: Well…that was a bomb-shell.

Orihime: It seems like Kurosaki-kun has decided to sleep on it.

Hichigo: I think he actually wants to forget 'bout it and wake up hopin' it was a nightmare.

Urahara: Aw, are you upset Hollow? Did you want to get all cuddly with him?

Hichigo: (Glares) Yeh lucky I can't move that much right now otherwise I would've castrated ya with a well aimed Cero.

Urahara: You didn't deny it!!

Hichigo: Shut up!

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER OF DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARADERIE!!! **

**KIVAEMBER OUT!!**


	8. Confusion

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairing: **IchiHichi

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **Me no own-io, yo!

**Summary: **IchiHichi. Chapter 8, Renji appears, Ichigo gains a QuiltShield and Zangetsu is now known as the Harbinger of Unpleasant News.

**A/N: **I'm so sorry for the delay!

This chapter was a bitch to write. It refused to _work_!

You must all bow down to Na and kiss her feet for this actually getting up. She gave me a plot bunny to finish it so it wasn't only at 2'500 words. Thanks a lot Na! You're the best Beta I've ever had (the _only_ one I've ever had but you're still the best) and I now proclaim my undying love for you!

Ahem, with that out of the way…I promised you all a present…I think…but unfortunately, I wasn't able to fit it in _this _chapter but the next one will certainly have it. One hundred per cent sure that you will. Like I said, this chapter was being bitchy and refused to cooperate. (Pokes chapter mulishly and almost get fingers bitten off) See!?

**Reviews:**

**Hoshi2110: **Will they be happy together? Hmm…you'll have to read and find out! Bwahahahaaaa! (Is totally evil like that) As for smuttiness…hmm…I'll probably post up some oneshots from DC-verse of smut and just have T rated sexual stuff in here. Changing the rating would be a pain…

**Lightning Skies: **Phew! I'm glad I was able to accomplish that then! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

**fishing line: **Ichi and Hichi are the sexiest thing since sex. (Is bricked) What!? It's truuuueee! Glad you loved it so far!

**Deshwitat'slover: **That was a complicated name to type up. Glad you think so!

**Twiliblossom: **Don't worry, it shall all be explained in the story…the first scene to be exact. Urahara was just simplifying it when the explanation ws much more complicated (I'm starting to think I should've entered this scene at that end of chappie 7 but, oh well). And the passages at the beginning are flashbacks and they'll be tied into DC shortly, hell, I'm writing a prequel surrounding them…but I'm getting ahead of myself. All shall be explained! Whooo!

**Conjure Lass: **Urahara is awesomeness incarnate and I've got his hat. Now I can prance around with my Dad's cane wearing sandals and his hat. I'm sad :P I'm happy you like this so far!

**PenArtist10000: **Here it is!

**judikickshiney: **Hey. Zangetsu had to occupy himself somehow…though yes, I totally agree with you. Zangetsu is a sadistic closet perv.

**seasnake.756:** (Checks Hana's last line). Heh. Oh yeah.

**Zail the Demon: **Misspelling happens to all of us. Especially on a mobile phone (Lunges into epic battle with her ancient mobile phone) HOW DO YOU BACKSPAAAACEEE!!!!???

**fendstrat.chick: **Ishida's face resembled a sunburnt tomato that mistakenly stumbled into a gay orgy of bishonen. …Dammit! I should've put that in!

**SoulReaper71: **Forcing ideas out is like bashing your head against the keyboard and hoping that the resulting collision enabled you to type up an idea (painful and pointless). I'm glad you're enjoying it so far though!

**anon.: **The IchiHichi starts slowly ;.; But I'm sure all of you will be pleased when we get to those parts. Eheheh… (blushes as lewd ideas pop up). Oh man…I'm gonna get bombarded with reviews for that. Ahem…cliffies are fun. Makes readers wanna lynch me but it makes sure they come back for the next chappie (winks) underhand and Slytherin-ish but in my brother's words: "Lauren is a sly, cunning bitch." Ah, can you feel the love?

**Nasake: **The 'doomed to be lovers' part was from Na. Couldn't resist not putting it in. Hahah! I'm happy that you loved it!

**Kyra Windwood: **That definitely sounds like Hichigo and Renji. All Chad was immediately attended to by Orihime so he is in no danger of becoming permanently deaf, though he has been assured that the ringing in his ears will vanish in a few days. :P

**Hobo's-Junkie-Monkey-Pyro-Lia: **Surprise plot attack! My specialty. :D

**Shroud of Twilight: **Ichigo gonna's exploit the loophole as much as possible. What's the loophole:D

**moonlit dew: **(Puffs up) Yosh! A kicking and screaming Hichi always makes me laugh! Hahahaha!

Hichigo: FUCK YOU!!! (Brain's her with a bag full of doorknobs)

Owww…

**SoraXNamine: **Yosh!

**Masishiro Ishikawa: **(Bows) This took longer then a month…I'm very shamed of this but hopefully chapter nine will come out quicker!

**DeathGodGirl: **Ichigo is in complete denial. And hides under his QuiltShield to escape from reality. (Shakes head) I'm gonna enjoy screwing them over! Bwahahaahahaa! Even I admit that the idea was a little cliché but that's why I used it. (snickers) but I won't reveal anything here since I'll spoil it. Eheheh…

**Kokiiru-kun: **W00t! Finally stunned someone so that they're speechless (in a good way)! (Boogies) My skills as a writer reach new heights!

**Metamorcy: **Heheh. I've been waiting for a chance to spring it upon them…and it only gets worse for them later on.

**xxkiokoxx: **You can use that line, I got it off my friend when she was being carted off to her do- erm, Welsh lesson so eh. Let's steal quotes off everyone!

**Krazy Kitsune13: **Hanataro is sooooo adorable. I just wanna snuggle him and ruffle his hair. Renji appears…with a _role_!!!!

**jayanx: **Pointing out other's shortcomings make you feel glad that you aren't them and thus, happy. Scheudenfreude at its finest. Ishida isn't one of my favourite characters, the only reason why I have some semblance of like for him is because he has Sasuke's voice actor.

**chica blanca: **I've converted someone! Whoo! I like all HichixIchi fics so my opinion doesn't really matter. The only reason I got into IchiHichi is because of Shaman King where I got into HaoxYoh. Michelle poked me and said, 'Heeey! I know another great pairing' and thus my passion for IchiHichi was born! …Whoa. Totally irrelevant. Aaaanyway, Mondays totally suck. (Because I have to face off again Mario and Buzz Lightyear during that time ¬.¬)

**From the Psyche Ward: **I think I sent you a PM but my internet went all '_GRRRRR'_ so I wasn't sure if ya got it. I'm sorry I disappointed you with a cliché idea, but it isn't all that it seems (still regretting not sticking the first scene in this chapter at the end of the last one) Knew it! I _knew _it! Should've done that… anywho, I hope I don't let you down again. (Bows) I'm very sorry.

**Invader-Nehima: **IchiHichi makes everyone feel better…like chocolate or mangos!

**my renji-kun: **Lots of people love those lines. :D

**MysteriousEyez: **My internet speech is crappy. Lmao? Anywho, glad you like it!

**HitokiriKurisuta: **I'm on DA too! Have the same penname (is uncreative like that). Infact…that's my penname on everything. Ah well. I'm curious to see your drawings now! Glad ya enjoyed!

**ShaShiSar221: **Fixed! And it's the thought that counts, so I'll imagine the candy. Heheh…thanks for kicking me outta my rut for this chappie. I think I was ready to storm off for a few more weeks and wait until my readers lynched me. ;

**Favrite of Chaos: **Thanks!

**Riri Lee: **Not a lemon (unfortunately) but I'll probably post up a oneshot 'alternative' scene where they do. That'll make _everyone_ happy! Too lazy to bump the rating up :P And a happy Zangetsu is a scary thought indeed. Won't you hold me closer was the most saddest IchiHichi I ever read…I loved it!

**tokyo majin: **Bleh. And my exams start in 36 days. Damn it.

**Animateia: **The only voices in my head is Rei and Raiu. Rei telling me to update Viceroy already and Raiu telling me to actually _post_ his story up. Selfish lil' buggers ain't they. They distracted me form this, eheh…

**FireyFreedom: **Thanks!

**Afrieal: **Ichi is still indenial…poor bastard.

**Sei no Baka: **Hmm…ByaHitsu…never seen that pairing before…who knows, I could prob'ly cause a chain reaction and ByaHitsu fanfics will start popping outta the mountain of BLEACH™ fandom like daisies…probably…it'll be funny at least. And don't worry, IchiHichi lovin' shall be docking in KivaEmber's port soon!

**RuByMoOn17: **Hichi likes to be in control. Being carted around on a human taxi means that he's not in control. Heh. Ichi hates being manhandled too…(perverted ideas come forth). Heheheh…

**possessed obsession: **Urahara is awesome! Whooo!

**deformed beauty: **Yosh! Get ready for more excitement…(though not right know ;D)

Phew! That took a long time to do…my hands hurt. Typed up all of those after I did Chemistry Practical Examination (ISA). Dropped fucking Thiosulphate and hydrochloric acid aaaall over my hands. Mixing those two is a bad idea…very bad.

Enough whining from me! I'm sure you wanna read this chapter that I _laboured_ over with _great effort_!

Oh, the fish over the volcano line doesn't belong to me; it belongs to Book of Changes. XD

Enjoy!

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"_Everything goes according to plan!"_

_--- Panic! At the Disco_

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_"Welcome back, my son!"_

_Ichigo nodded silently to his exuberant father, shyly accepting his twin sister's hugs._

_"How long...was I away for?"_

_Isshin smiled. "Three months, my son!" The eldest Kurosaki swooped down and gave him the Hug of Doom(tm). "But don't dwell on that! We're going to go and have a Kurosaki Special Dinner!" The single parent laughed happily, the room brightening._

_The three unmentionable months were shoved from their minds, the twins ignorant of where and why their big brother left and Ichigo unable to recall it. A transparent shadow flittered across Isshin's eyes as he ushered his son to the table, keeping his immature façade on. He felt guilt at what he had done, but it was necessary. He ruffled his son's vibrant orange hair whose bronze eyes, usually full of laughter, were apathetic._

_It would return. His son's little demon knight. This was only a temporary fix after all. Isshin's heart clenched. When it returned...if his son wasn't strong enough... He shot a pained look at his son when none of his children were looking. He only hoped that Masaki would forgive him if he had to- He shook his head to clear that dark thought from his mind, giving out a bark of bright laughter at his dark haired daughter's scathing comment._

_He only wished that he'd never see the day when his son's eyes turned that demonic shade of gold._

**EPISODE #8: CONFUSION**

Zangetsu tried to identify the peculiar expression on Ichigo's face. Never before had he seen anyone look quite like a fish thrown over a volcano.

Urahara erupted into a burst of maniacal laughter, taking over from Hichigo when the Hollow had to stop due to his lungs being unable to keep up. The eternally unshaven man was duly ignored, the room's occupants all in a state of shock.

Hichigo wheezed a little, attempting to regain his breath. "Well...that's corny, eh King?"

Zangetsu chuckled but shook his head. "That was a gross simplification."

The Zanpaktou tilted his head at the redhead's horrified expression. "There is a high chance you two could become lovers. Your soul will compel you to be as close as possible, such as a sexual or romantic relationship. It's inevitable, however, that you two will form some kind of comradeship."

Somewhat mollified that there was a loophole in there somewhere, Ichigo pointed at the madly grinning Hollow. "It's hard enough to live with him as it is! If you give me a muzzle..." He eyed the albino suspiciously before continuing. "And maybe some rope, I'll consider being friends."

Hichigo snickered. "Oooh! Didn' know you went fer that kinky shit, King."

Ichigo snarled, giving the Hollow a disgusted glare. "Ugh! I seriously don't want to know what's going through your head!"

The Hollow's eyes slimmed into amused slits, golden irises twinkling with amusement. "Oh?" Taking advantage of their seldom used mental link, Hichigo sent some rather...suggestive mental images of them doing things that should only be done in a pornographic movie to his King, cackling when the teen released a shriek of horror.

Understanding that the Hollow did something, Rukia elbowed the debilitated albino in the ribs sharply. Hichigo hissed, recoiling from the female Kuchiki, and stopped sending the mental pictures grudgingly.

Urahara smiled happily at them all. "Hmm...There's some other stuff that could be tacked onto this but..." His fan flipped out again. "Well...you'll find out soon enough." The eternally unshaven man cackled once more, making everyone in the room sigh.

Zangetsu seemed to be considering something, eyeing the grumbling Hollow closely. "Hichigo." The Zanpaktou started, the albino jerking to attention at the use of his name - first time the solemn man had ever used it. "There's something important that you need to know." He paused, looking at Urahara - who was rapidly blinking as if tapping out the Morse code for him to stop. "...But...you'll soon discover what it is."

"Heh?" Hichigo blinked. "Ya don' jus' start somethin' an' leave it at that, Old Man!"

Zangetsu smiled mysteriously. "You'll soon discover what it is." He repeated, his form dissolving away to reveal the cardboard cut out. The Hollow cursed, flipping the white cut out with a birdie salute.

**X.x.X**

Renji knew he wasn't the smartest person around, and that his knowledge about the politics and inner workings of the Gotei 13 (Or Gotei 10) was minimal at best. But even he had to admit that there was something off in Seireitei that day.

Apparently, a huge horde of Hollows had decided to invade the material realm - Karakura Town to be specific - and two Arrancar orchestrated the whole thing. Seireitei wasn't that worried however, as Kuchiki-taichou and Hitsugaya-taichou were at that location and the Hollows and Arrancar had successfully been beaten back. But that wasn't what worried him.

Rumours had it that the female Kuchiki had appeared before Unohana-taichou asking for a 4th Division member. That meant that someone had been injured and people whispered that it was 'That orange haired Ryoka'. Renji wasn't worried about that either. Ichigo was a stubborn guy and would probably bounce back stronger then before.

What he was worried about was the sense of unease amongst the Captains.

And he knew it involved Ichigo.

He had passed the outlandish Captain of the 12th Division - who seemed unusually ecstatic - when on his way to the training facility to work on his Bankai. Kurotsuchi-taichou was mumbling to himself (like that wasn't new) but what he heard as the Captain walked past made his screech to a sudden halt.

"Hmm... the Hell Butterfly...me, stated that...split from his Hollow half...how odd... how that has affected Kurosaki's soul?"

Renji felt his body go cold, very much like he had been blasted by Hitsugaya-taichou's Hyourinmaru. He didn't understand how the other Captain found out. He knew that Hitsugaya-taichou or his squad wouldn't have blabbed, and his own mouth had been securely shut. He knew his Captain had practically bribed the IS to keep their mouths shut, and Renji still didn't know how the male Kuchiki managed that.

Someone knew what was going on and had informed Kurotsuchi-taichou about Ichigo. The only question was why. Why would someone in Seireitei want to get rid of a valuable ally in the war against Aizen? To make the Shinigami turn on Ichigo?

Someone who supports Aizen would want to get rid of a possible threat to him.

And that was when a horrifying thought struck the tattooed Shinigami violently over the head. No one had known that three Captains were going to defect until it was too late, Captains that many Shinigami revered and would have followed to Hell and back. If no one was paying attention, it was possible that little a spy within the ranks could easily go overlooked.

No, Renji didn't know much about the subtle workings of politics and Seireitei, but he was pretty good at kicking the crap out of people.

It was only a matter of who he was going to kick the crap out of.

**X.x.X**

Byakuya frowned, slim fingers swiping a small bead of blood from his cheek. He had gotten careless, underestimating his opponent. He should've learned from Kurosaki not to do that.

Hitsugaya was frowning, watching as the corpse of the Arrancar dissolved into spirit particles. "That shouldn't have given you trouble."

"I underestimated it." The 6th Division captain murmured. The shallow cut on his cheek was soon forgotten. "I felt something wrong with Kurosaki's reiatsu. It split?"

Hitsugaya considered him thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering. "His inner Hollow has somehow split from his body. Kurosaki succumbed to an Arrancar's poison as has the Hollow and Kuchiki has gone to Seireitei for a 4th Division member." The young Captain paused. "What do you think of this?"

Byakuya didn't need to ask what he meant. "It is most troubling. This has never occurred before."

"Kurotsuchi-taichou has probably found out by now." Hitsugaya continued, watching the now clear blue sky. "What can we do without alerting Yamamoto-sou-taichou of Kurosaki's...abnormality?"

Byakuya's lips quirked upwards briefly. "Everything about Kurosaki is abnormal." The 6th Division Captain turned from Hitsugaya. "I think we should do damage control in Seireitei. I have a feeling my Lieutenant is going to do something rash."

As Byakuya opened the portal to Seireitei, the young Captain couldn't stop a snort.

"When doesn't he act rash?"

**X.x.X**

Ichigo had decided that God despised him.

He kept his back to the Hollow only one meter away from him, curled up inside his QuiltShield™ as he mused over numerous ways to escape this unwanted relationship. His only respite was that there was a loophole, and he was going to exploit it, dammit! Exploit! There was no way in a million years that he was going to- to- to do intimate things with that Hollow! The mere thought made him shudder.

Where Ichigo was horrified, Hichigo had no clue how to react.

First thing though, blame King. Everything was his fault as he was the primary controller of the body and therefore, the one who probably caused the problem in the first place. With that out of the way, his second thought revolved round: 'How could this benefit _me?_'

Oh, and he was pissed at the Old Man for tricking him like that, unable to win against King no matter how hard he tried. He was going to kick the Zanpaktou in the balls for that and he was going to enjoy it. He snickered evilly at the mental image before sobering up. He could make plans on that later, this was more urgent.

Returning his somewhat unfocused mind to the matter at hand, Hichigo watched the meek 4th Division member fiddle with some vials and other medical equipment. At the moment, he had his own body, but he wasn't sure whether or not it was permanent. If it was, well, then the fact that he couldn't try and defeat King anymore was a moot point and he could do whatever the Hell he felt like. If it was temporary, maybe Hichigo should castrate Zangetsu instead of simply kicking him in the balls before throwing himself off one of the many skyscrapers in King's inner world. The Hollow's gaze snapped to the lump under the futon's thick quilt. Or probably throw _King_ off the skyscraper...

The lump twitched and the albino felt King's irritation surge through their mental link. Huh. It seemed like he had accidentally transmitted that thought to King. Ah well. Hichigo sent a wave of amusement down their link and sniggered at the muffled growl from beneath the covers. His amusement didn't last long however, when his diaphragm decided to throw a seizure and constrict his breathing, resulting in a violent coughing fit.

Hanataro looked up from his notes. "Ah! You shouldn't push yourself, um...Hollow-san! The poison will make breathing very difficult!"

"Ya s-should've (_cough cough_) told me th-th- (_cough_) that earlier." Hichigo wheezed, thumping his chest to get everything back in working order. Once his breathing was back to normal, the Hollow grimaced lightly. "Guh. It's gettin' worse."

Ichigo grumbled and rolled over reluctantly, pinning the Hollow with a slightly glazed glare. "No shit Sherlock." He released a small cough of his own. "Dammit. Your Hollow reiatsu isn't doing much, is it?"

"Ah, shaddup, King." Hichigo grumbled, narrowing gold eyes at the feverish teen. "I'm th' one keepin' us from suffocatin' so don' start bitchin'." Feeling his diaphragm spasm again, the Hollow hunched, coughing a little more harshly then before. "Ugh. Hey," He turned an irritated gaze to Hanataro, who squeaked in response. "Ain'tcha got a cough medicine or sumthin'?"

"Urhm..." Hanataro laughed sheepishly. "That's what I was doing...a normal cough medicine wouldn't work on this since it's a muscle relaxant rather then an illness, so..." The scrawny Shinigami trailed off, returning to fussing with his notes and vials. "Maybe if I mix this and this...?"

"Great." Hichigo sighed. "I've been degraded from a horse to a guinea pig."

"Could be worse." Ichigo pointed out, but then remembered that the situation was already as bad as it could be. "Oh wait...it can't..."

The Hollow rolled his eyes, slouching further against the wall and pinning the feverish teen with a critical eye. "Hey, King..." He started, a sly tone to his voice.

"What?" Ichigo mumbled; bronze eyes slipping shut as the flushed redhead began drifting off.

Giving the distracted 4th Division Shinigami a sidelong glance to make sure he wasn't paying attention, Hichigo grinned a little. "What d'ya think of Crackhead's theory, eh?"

"Horrible." Ichigo growled, bronze eyes snapping open. "Having you in my inner world, lurking-"

"I didn' lurk." Hichigo interrupted, pale eyebrows contracting into a frown.

"You lurked." Ichigo snapped. "And that's the word I'm using so shush!" The redhead rubbed his scorching forehead, attempting to remember what he was going to say. His thoughts were all jumbled up in a huge mess so it took a few minutes longer for him to carry on. "Uh, anyway, yeah, having you lurking about in my inner world giggling randomly-"

"I didn' giggle either!" The Hollow protested. "I cackled! And it wasn' randomly!"

"Cackle, giggle, same difference." Ichigo slurred, feeling a heady daze slow his already sluggish mind. "Anyway, bein' stuck with you's gonna be horrible as usual..." It seemed that when Ichigo was sick his grammar took a drastic nosedive. "So sh'up."

Hichigo stared at the teen for a moment, wondering why the normally serious substitute Shinigami was acting odd. Shrugging it off, the Hollow ran a hand through his white hair.

"So ya think bein' stuck with me is gonna be horrible?" The albino pressed a hand over his non-beating heart with a mocking upset look upon his pale face. "That hurts, King. Yer so cruel."

"Tch. You can't feel emotions." Ichigo's muffled mumble growled through the QuiltShield™. "You don't have a heart."

"Caught me." Hichigo snickered before falling into another coughing fit. Catching his breath, the Hollow wheezed out, "I don' think I'm gonna have any fuckin' lungs after this either."

"If you stopped giggling-"

"I don' giggle!" Hichigo protested loudly, unknowingly causing Hanataro to flinch at the sudden shout. "An' yeh th' one who placed us in th' shit pond anyway! Everythin's your fault!"

Ichigo pulled the QuiltShield™ down again, narrowing his bronze eyes. "My fault!? You're the one who offered the deal in the first place! So this is all your fault!"

"I didn' come up with th' deal! Zangetsu-" The Hollow paused.

"Zangetsu..." Ichigo echoed vacantly, finally able to impale the blame on someone who won't argue about it. "Zangetsu told you the deal." It wasn't a question.

Hichigo nodded slowly, cursing himself for not seeing through the Zanpaktou's manipulative machinations before it was too late. The sly bastard. "Maybe he thought that forcin' us inta some sort of relationship would give some peace..." The Hollow mused absently, thoughts mostly centred on how he was going to mutilate the sombre man.

"I'll kill him when I stop feeling like shit." Ichigo decided, pulling the QuiltShield™ back up. "And after I kill you."

"Kill me...?" Hichigo snorted. "Ya can't defeat m-" He remembered what Zangetsu said, now known as the Harbinger of Unpleasant News. "Damn."

The redhead twitched at feeling a rush of frustration from the Hollow's end of their mental link. "You should've seen it coming, Hollow." Ichigo muttered, curling up under the thick duvet despite how hot he was. He felt much safer with a synthetic material covering between him and his incapacitated inner Hollow. It gave him a comfort zone in this crazy, horrifying situation. And he wanted comfort. Badly.

"Heh. I should've." Hichigo murmured softly. He always taunted the substitute Shinigami about how brainless and dense he was, unable to see things beneath the surface. And here he was, fooled by a Living Rock to be doomed to some unwanted camaraderie with the person he despised most and was at the top of his 'To Kill List' (His other one was full). Irony was Shakespeare's department to enjoy, not his, so Hichigo's pride was more than stung. "Man this sucks." The albino sighed.

Ichigo couldn't have said it any other way.

X.x.X

"Hmmm..." Kurotsuchi paced around his lab in thought. "Interesting, interesting..." The Hell butterfly that had appeared moments before from his Lieutenant had had very..._illuminating_ information. Perhaps that stupid girl wasn't as useless as he thought.

"Split from his Hollow half...and now starting to bond in separate bodies..."

The outlandish captain of Division 12th abruptly stopped pacing. "Usually that would mean the two would die since...but no, no, no...if that was going to happen then Kurosaki would already be dead. He's the weakest one of the halves according to Nemu."

Kurotsuchi's golden eyes lit up with malicious glee as an epiphany dawned. "Of course! How could I have missed it!? No! The bonding isn't happening! Well, not that one anyway!" The captain returned to his furious pacing, still ranting to an imaginary person. He was still used to his useless Lieutenant standing there and nodding cordially to his words. No matter. "This is a unique case, very unique..."

A pause. "But...if it was completed then...hmmmm...it's either snatch them up now or have a little struggle dragging them in. But how would I explain this to Yamamoto-sou-taichou?"

He loved a good puzzle.

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**A/N: **Hah! This little scene at the end was all I needed!

The IchiHichi starts soon, don't worry!

PLOT BUNNIES ATTACK!

**PREVIEW FOR EPISODE #9: ACCIDENTAL?!**

Hichigo: I have a bad feelin'.

Ichigo: Was that _before_ or _after_ we were told that we were dragged into an unknown marriage?

Hichigo: We're married?

Ichigo: (Face palms)

Hichigo: No…I have a _bad_ feelin' as in…we're gonna have a tough fight…well, you will, I'm too awesome t' get beaten.

Ichigo: …(Walks away)

Hichigo: H-Hey! Don' ya turn yer back on me!

**STAY TUNED FOR MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARADERIE! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEEEEWW!!!!!!**


	9. Accidental?

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairing: **IchiHichi

**Rating: **T

**Beta: **Na

**Disclaimer: **I'm unfortunately poor and unable to own such a wonderful thing.

**Summary: **HichiIchi. Chapter 9, Hichigo is bored, Renji, Hitsugaya and Byakuya act out Roman politics and Mayuri got his Evil Scientist kit out.

**A/N: **I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so so SORRY!

I was banned from the computer. Since it was my mother's, I wasn't really allowed on it in the first place, and I'm only on it for mere minutes to post stories up (I write them on Shaun's – which doesn't have internet) it really wasn't an issue until a virus got on it. Don't know how it happened, and it couldn't have been me since I only go on and LJ for two minutes at most. So, bleh.

Plus my GCSEs are coming up fast and if I get at least five A's Dad will get me my own laptop with internet access so…yeah; pretty soon, there won't be any of this trouble. Yosh! I already get A's so it's no prob. Heheh…heh…

And, well, I was just…lazy and got distracted XP

Ahem, anyway, excuses aside, the HichiIchi is getting closer! Woo! There's a lot of Hichi and Ichi interaction, plus a tiny hint of HichiIchi for all you loyal readers. I'm trying to branch out a little more on the two's relationship…I just can't wait for when Mayuri pops up :D

Possessive!Hichi appears, and that's all I'm spoilin'!

**Reviews:**

**the.amethyst.alchemist: **Romance with comedy is the only thing I can write, fight scenes, angst and serious stuff always make me fall flat on my face. (Grumbles and hides face in shame)

**BlEAchMEUp: **Hmmm…Smuff first! Hahah!

**benihime.chan: **Heheh! Hope ya enjoy this chappies quotes thn!

**Ks: **Thanks!

**thi hoai: **A shit-eating grin is someone who's grinning crazily despite the world being against them, basically, you're handing out shit to them, but they're eating it up and carrying on anyway (but I'm more inclined to calling it a maniacal grin really). And yes, they'd be the baka-couple, constantly fighting :D There're some HichiIchi moments in this chappie!

**DeathGodGirl: **Takes me forever to review a story I like, I read it a few times before remembering :P I can't wait to get to the whole Mayuri bit since that gives the snail pace HichiIchi movement a gigantic shove. And I'm glad I was able to fix the last sentence at the end of the seventh chapter, I knew I should've putthe first part of last chappie at the end of seven :( Glad you're liking it so far!

**SendMoreParamedics: **Ah, don't take the marriage thing too literally (something loads of people have done), Ichigo was being sarcastic and Hichigo didn't catch it. Though if you think about the metaphysical bond they now have, it's like being married in a weird, spiritual way, hmmmm. (Ponders) Eh, whatever, glad you like it so far!

**Kichi Hisaki: **Who's on top? X3 Read and find out! BWAHAHAHA (Don Kanoji style)!!

**HitokiriKurisuta: **Camaraderie means a type of partnership, like comradeship or friendship, though I mean it in a more intimate sense then that. Hichigo and Ichigo aren't too thrilled 'bout being told to be 'nice' with each other, but Mayuri's intervention unwittingly brings them together :3 Though I'm saying too much at the moment, all I'm gonna say is Mayuri's gonna pop up in next chapter. Heheh…plooooot! Plus Renji's gonna be a baaaad Shinigami. XD

**Nasake: **Thanks! I will! I try to keep plot balanced with humour to keep my readers interested without boring them with minor details. Yosh! Onwards!

**anon.: **Mayuri both creeps me out and fasinates me at the same time. He reminds me of Prof. Hojo from FFVII actually…huh. 'Cept instead of Sephiroth he has his 'Daughter'.

**Conjure Lass: **I'm gonna tease ya some more! The hardcore stuff won't be happening till Mayuri sticks his creep ass nose into the mix. :D

**narakunohime: **Glad ya did!

**fishing line: **Oh, Mayrui's gonna try something, and Hichigo is gonna get pissed :3 I love writing adorable!Ichigo.

**Hoshi2110: **More cute chappies to come!

**Kokiiru-kun: **That's why Byakuya and Hitsugaya haven't ratted him out yet, because they're smart. I think Yamamoto-sou-taichou is too rigid in his beliefs to let Ichigo off the hook as an illegal Vizard. But, eh, that's my opinion on it.

**Wild Dragon's Breath: **Zangetsu: Harbinger of Unpleasant News. 'Tis true, he has that aura ¬.¬

**Y-Kira: **I have a QuiltShield™ :3 So I thought, 'hey, why not give Ichi-chan a QuiltShield™ too?' I keep having adorable mental images of chibi Ichi peeking past a biiiig fluffy quilt :D

**Krazy Kitsune13: **Hichigo and commitment together in the same sentence without dislikes between them sounds funny. Heh. Ahem, anyway, you can have Hanataro, I'm content with watching Hichi and Ichi go at it like rabid rabbits. :D

**Kyra Windwood: **Isshin shall be overjoyed…once he gets over the shock of his new 'son' being a Hollow :P And Mayuri is entering it soon…very soon…next chapter soon where the HichiIchi shall finally start. (10 chapters…ah well, we got there in the end)

**seasnake.756: **Hahah, don't take the preview literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic but Hichigo didn't catch it. And what Mayuri is trying to do? It's a seeeeecret :3

**ShaShiSar221: **Yosh! Over _**TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS**_!! (Does happy dance) That's the highest amount of reviews I've ever got, and it's thanks to you my lovely, wonderful, utterly awesome Beta! :D (Sparklesparkle!)

**PenArtist10000: **Sorry for the wait.

**moonlit dew: **Neither of them remember 'bout the three months after Masaki's death :3 and it plays a minor important role near the end and the possible-sequel. I'm glad that you love it!

**Lightning Skies: **I still don't know what a fish over a volcano face looks like, but I thought Book of Changes' quote suited that situation best. Glad you like it!

**Shroud of Twilight: **I like developing relationships, instead of doing my Law coursework in lessons, I just write out numerous scenarios of how to develop different characters relationships with each other, positive or negative. Yeah…I have no life -.-;

**Naked Elves Will Own Canada: **Not literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic ¬.¬ Yes…sarcastic…

**fendstrat.chick: **OoO Or maybe O3OEh, who knows how that expression will look like? Aside from the obvious?

**Metamorcy: **And you shall get them X3

**jayanx: **I communicate through grunts when ill, which I had been doing recently. My family had to employ my disgruntled brother for assistance in deciphering my primitive grunts into a coherent language XP

**SoulReaper71: **They're not getting married literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic. Maybe I should've made it a little more clearer…-.-; And I tried as hard as I could to get this up early but…I got distracted and ill :(

**MysteriousEyez: **Thanks! I try!

**Nakimochiku: **There's gonna fluff soon when Mayuri pokes his creepy ass nose into the thingy…mabobdedoo. :D I'm rubbish at fluff.

**SoraXNamine: **Thanks!

With all that outta the way, thank Na for Betaing this chapter, guys and I hope you enjoooooy! XD

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_(Wakes up groggily before crawling up the bed at a slow 'molasses-in-winter' pace. Grumbling incoherently to herself, she flops into the computer chair and proceeds to devour the stash of two day old donuts, half empty bag of Munchies and drinks the sludgy paint stripper that was once chocolate dip, but had gone under a metamorphosis due to the impromptu penicillin experiment carried out upon it's viscous state of being. Licking her lips, she then crawls back to bed with a content sigh)._

"_Ahh…the perfect crime."_

_-- Me at 4a.m. – half conscious (and violently ill once I woke up -.-;) _

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_"My name's not 'Shinigami', it's Kuchiki Rukia."_

_"Kurosaki Ichigo."_

_A swift thrust and the Zanpaktou penetrated his chest in an explosion of blinding reishi and thin spatters of human blood. Dormant powers were violently wrenched awake; thick, black mental walls shattering into tiny little shards._

_As Ichigo felt giddy with the power coursing through his body, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being oddly complete, ochre eyes flashing gold briefly before he turned to his opponent. Slim fingers tightened round the crimson hilt as he charged; the blade moving like it was an extension of himself, like someone was gently nudging his limbs to bend and move in the right way._

_Shifting in the recesses of the redhead's mind, the white demon stretched his presence brittle with neglect and confusion, jumbles of half memories and distant thoughts crammed into an uneven order. He watched as...who? His lil' King of course, who was no longer little. Who was no longer dependent._

_The opponent was defeated with ease and the white demon fell under the redhead's consciousness. Fatigue lanced throughout his incorporeal being, the first thing that he had felt in a long time. He wondered what it was that he hadn't felt in a long time._

_He curled up. He'll think on it later. At the moment, he needed to get rid of the agonizing pain in his head and the tightness in his chest. The confusion of his birth (though he was positive that he existed before this but wasn't sure_

_Betrayal? Who betrayed him? Who _dared_ to!?_

**_"King..."_**

**EPISODE #9: ACCIDENTAL!?**

"I'm bored."

"Shut up. You said that already."

"But I'm booooored!"

"And I don't care."

Kiiiiing!!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!" Ichigo roared, sitting up and shaking an intimidating fist at the pouting Hollow. "SHUT THE HELL UP!!" The effect was ruined, however, when he began violently coughing, bending over into his lap as he gasped for air.

Hichigo blinked, unperturbed as his King proceeded to cough up his lungs. "Ya dyin' there, King?"

"S-shu...ut...u-up..." Ichigo wheezed, thumping his chest in a vain attempt to get his lungs in working order once more. Half lidded ochre eyes scanned their temporary bedroom for their 'nurse'. "W-where's...Han-(_cough_)-nataro?"

"I dunno." The albino fiddled with the black silken material of his obi. "I'm bored."

Ichigo grunted and fell back on his futon. "What'll make you...unbored?"

"Well, a lil' friendly stabbin' will make me happy." Hichigo claimed with his lopsided grin. "Bu' I can't reach fer Zangetsu so tha's out…" The grin degraded back into a pout. "I'm bored."

Ichigo dragged his QuiltShield™ over his head with little difficulty, hoping that the thick duvet would block out his inner Hollow's high pitched, distorted voice. Unfortunately, Hichigo took this as his cue to ramble on.

"An' not only that." The albino continued blithely. "I don' feel as crappy anymore...though ya still look like shit, King." He added. "If I still felt crappy, then I coulda jus' focused on th' crappiness an' jus' bitched 'bout that, but noooooo! I'm no longer feelin' crappy, bu' still can't move, so I'm booooored!"

Ichigo contemplated suffocating himself.

"Ain'tcha bored, King? Ya still look crappy. Maybe ya could bitch 'cause then we'd both wouldn' be bored anymore, though ya'd be whinin' an' I hate it when ya whine..."

"Hollow." Ichigo growled under his QuiltShield™ "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You're rambling."

Hichigo huffed loudly and slouched further down the wall. He opened his mouth (possibly to share the news of his boredom) before closing it without a word.

The next few minutes were spent in awkward silence, Ichigo ignoring the tension and snuggling under the thick duvet in hopes of catching some sleep. It was not meant to be, alas, as something poked him through his QuiltShield™.

"Kiiing." A regrettably familiar voice whined.

"Go away, Hollow." Ichigo growled. "I'm under my QuiltShield™. That means I'm off limits."

He had a feeling that Hichigo was looking at him oddly. "...QuiltShield™...?"

"Ng. G'way."

There was shuffling noise followed by a pained grunt. "Bu' I'm bored, King!" The distorted voice sounded much closer then it should be.

Ichigo whined faintly, wondering what he had done in his fifteen years of life to piss of any Gods. As if making him a witness to his mother's death wasn't enough, Fate screwed him over by turning him into hybrid of Shinigami and Hollow, with the Hollow half whining and poking him about being bored when they were poisoned and him suffering a headache the size of Seireitei no thanks to his fucking fever!! "Go away!"

Hichigo huffed before he snapped out, "Then I'm gonna entertain myself!"

Ichigo's danger senses went off, but his brain was too befuddled with irritation and the agonizing pain behind his eyelids to take much notice. "Go do that." He mumbled, hearing more shuffling noises. "Now...lemme sleep..."

There was muted snicker and soft rustle of fabric before an eerie silence fell over the room. Ichigo frowned, rubbing a scorching cheek as he resisted the urge to peek out of his QuiltShield™ to see what the Hollow was up to. That was probably what the albino wanted anyway. Snorting quietly, the redhead curled up under the duvet, breaths evening out as he began to drift off.

There was soft snigger as something pulled his QuiltShield™ back...

"KING!!"

"GRAAAAAH!!"

Hichigo grinned wildly as his King leapt up, flailing madly, before toppling backwards onto the floor, legs tangled up on the futon's sheets. Knelt beside the black clad legs, the albino giggled at the completely bewildered, deer-in-headlights expression plastered across his King's feverishly flushed face. "Heheh! That's a nice look fer ya, King!"

Ichigo's bewildered look quickly morphed into a venomous scowl. "Hollow..." He growled, struggling to untangle his legs from his sheets and failing miserably as his body still wasn't cooperating. "I'm...gonna kick...your ass...once I can get...up!"

Hichigo laughed gruffly, feeling drained from just crawling from the wall he was leaning against to his King's beside. It was worth it though, just to see the panicked, scared shitless look on the teen's face; it was almost a perfect imitation of a turtle stuck on its back. "I'll be waitin' fer a few centuries then, King."

Ichigo gave up, sighing heavily. "Guh...whatever. I'll just...sleep here or something."

Hichigo snickered, poking the redhead's leg. "Lazy bastard." He chirped cheerfully.

Ichigo's leg twitched in a pathetic attempt of a kick. "Sh'up." He grumbled, shivering a little. "You're just a pain in the ass." He continued, ignoring the repetitive poking on his calf. "You do nothing to help and make things harder then they should be."

"I don'." Hichigo argued unconvincingly, crawling from the futon so that he was kneeling beside his King, poking a flushed cheek.

Ichigo swatted the pale hand away feebly. "You do!" He coughed lightly, the adrenaline from his scare running dry and leaving him more fatigued then ever. "That whole 'King and Horse' crap you spewed out was irritating enough, then you tried to kill me! You've never tried to help me in my life, and when you do, you fuck it up so it's like...like..." Ichigo scowled. "Like this!"

Hichigo grinned. "It's fun pissin' ya off."

"That's your excuse!?"

"Whoa there, King." The albino cackled, grinning lopsidedly as his King struggled against the bed sheets wrapped round his legs once more. "Yer gonna pop an artery in a minute. An' yer lookin' at this all wrong! Try t' think how...uh..._advantageous_ this'll be fer ya!"

Against his better judgment, Ichigo asked; "Advantageous, how?"

Hichigo couldn't hold the giggles as he answered. "Ya now have a consort t' get all that stress outta yer by fuc-" He was cut off when he was punched painfully in the stomach, bending over his lap a little as the wind expelled itself from his lungs. "Jesus...pain..."

Ichigo grunted as his inner Hollow ducked forward and clutched at his aching midriff as the redhead lowered his tanned hand.

"Hah. Payback." He put all of his remaining energy into that punch, and he felt oh so very satisfied in doing it. Energy well spent, in his opinion. "Fucking pervert."

Coughing, Hichigo glowered furiously at the tiredly smirking substitute Shinigami. "Bitch." He hissed. "Yer forgettin' who's got th' upper hand 'ere."

Ichigo was suddenly very, very aware of his vulnerable position and Hichigo's not-so-vulnerable position. "Oh, crap."

"'Oh, crap', indeed." Hichigo agreed vindictively, grinning as a mischievous gleam glittered in golden irises. "Kickin' th' shit outta ya won' be satisfyin' enough." He loomed over the nervous redhead, almost bursting into laughter at the look on his King's face. "Ooooh, no. I've got somethin' better!" His gaze snagged on something near his leg.

Hichigo grinned evilly.

"Hey! What are you- stay away! No! Don't you dar-"

**X.x.X**

"You left them in the room together...alone!?"

Hanataro scuffed his sandaled feet, eclectic vials and beakers gathered in his skinny arms.

"Well, it's not like they can do anything to each other...I mean, the poison paralyzes them and...well...I didn't want to bother you, Rukia-san, but I needed to get some stuff for the antidote, so..."

Ishida sighed, adjusting his glasses as put away his sewing kit. "You make it sound like they're going to molest each other."

"More like kill each other." Rukia grumbled. "I might as well check up on th-"

"GAAAAAAAAH!! HOOOOOOOLLOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU _YOU FUCKING __**WEIRDO**_!!"

"-em." Rukia blinked at the familiar voice shrieking like a woman whose virtue was being threatened. "Wow. I didn't know Ichigo could reach that high." She mused softly, hearing more shrieks, muffled and accompanied by maniacal laughter.

The three stared down the corridor and Ishida spoke up. "Are you going to check up on them?"

There was a loud crash. "Hm. Maybe when I'm not in danger of being hit by any sort of projectile." The female Shinigami finally answered.

Hanataro squeaked, shuffling back a few steps. "M-maybe I should...check up on a few more things b-before interrupting them."

"That's probably best."

**  
X.x.X  
**

"Hahaahah!" Hichigo cackled and tossed the bucket away, grinning at his angry King glowering at him from his awkward position on the floor - dripping wet. "Didn' expect t' get wet, eh?"

Ichigo huffed, shivering violently. "S-stupid bastard!" He struggled into a sitting position, grunting at the effort needed for that simple action. "You don't go around dumping water on people!"

"Ah, stop bein' a square." Hichigo scoffed, watching with a cocked eyebrow as his King hugged himself, rubbing his wet, bare arms to get warm. "An' stop lookin' so damn pathetic too."

Ichigo glared before looking at his messed up futon – the distance between him and it looking more like a mile then a metre. "I'm not pathetic." He growled, starting his stiff crawl back to his QuiltShield™. "Wait until I'm better, then I'll kick your ass back to my inner world."

"I'm sure ya will." Hichigo drawled, pushing himself shakily onto weak legs and stumbling towards the messy futon's side. He fell onto his knees with a groan, grinning as his King flopped atop of his QuiltShield™. "Ya gettin' yer bed wet."

"Sh'up. Don't care." Ichigo coughed lightly into the duvet, shuddering. "Fucking weirdo."

Hichigo snickered, eyeing his shivering King. "Yer gonna get even more sick."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't." The albino ran a hand through his dishevelled white hair. "Bu' I'm not sure what'll happen t' me if ya die, so ya dyin' 'cause of hypothermia or pneumonia ain't an option, King. So towel yerself dry."

"Tch." Ichigo lifted his head to glare fuzzily at his inner Hollow. "It's too much effort." He lowered his head back onto his QuiltShield™, erupting into another coughing fit.

Hichigo sighed, grimacing at his soaked King. "Yer such a dumbass." He growled, crawling forwards a few inches and grabbing the end of the QuiltShield™. As Ichigo lifted his head in confusion at what the albino was doing, Hichigo pounced (weakly), and began 'towelling' the redhead into a semi-dry state.

Crying out in surprise, Ichigo pathetically batted at his Hollow's hands. "S-Stop it, bastard!" A flush not entirely blamed on his fever coloured his cheeks, breath hitching when Hichigo's hands rubbed his bare chest with the fabric of the duvet, trailing up to his damp orange hair. "Get off!"

Hichigo grunted as one of Ichigo's flailing limbs hit his cheek, the weak blow not really hurting. "Oh, stop yer whinin', King." He stopped his towelling, blinking in surprise at the redhead's new position. It seemed like in the confusion of the (admittedly pitiable) struggle, Ichigo had unintentionally wriggled about until his head was pillowed on the albino's lap. "Comfortable?" He teased after a moment of silence.

"What?" Ichigo stared up at his inner Hollow, a pleasant blush staining his cheeks and vibrant orange hair tousled.

Hichigo grinned slyly. He wasn't going to point it out yet. "Ya need t' take off yer hakama, King." He snickered, golden eyes flashing in amusement at the outrage smouldering in his King's glare. "It's wet an' gonna make ya sick."

"What if I don't want to take it off?" Ichigo challenged stubbornly. He saw the Hollow's point, but there was no way he was going to pull off his hakama with that crazed, perverted Hollow around! He'd probably try something funny.

Hichigo's grin grew. "Well..." He purred, trailing pale fingers down his King's chest. "I guess I'll hafta take 'em off ya, my King."

Ichigo squawked as the implications hit him, just able to push enough energy into his arms to sit up from the albino's lap and crab crawl a few inches away. "Don't you dare!" He shrieked, pulling the QuiltShield™ up to his chest. "I don't care if we're supposed to be comrades or whatever! But there's no way I'm letting you strip me!"

Hichigo giggled. "Man, yer so easy t' wind up. Don' worry, King. I ain't gonna give ya surprise butt sex or anythin'."

Ichigo looked horrified at the thought of the albino giving him 'surprise butt sex' and noticeably scooted away a little more. "Fucking weirdo."

Hichigo just grinned wildly in response.

**X.x.X**

Kurotsuchi finally had a plan.

It was a rough one, but it was a plan nevertheless.

"We must do this right!" He barked at his men, golden eyes sweeping the assembled Shinigami. "The Ryoka Kurosaki Ichigo is a Vizard, and must be brought in for examination! He is powerful, but that's no excuse for not capturing him! Alive! Now go!"

As the last Shinigami left, Kurotsuchi couldn't hide the glee in his voice. "Perfect. Now then..." He turned on his heel, pacing down the hall towards his lab. "Kurosaki will be easy to capture...it's that Hollow that'll be most troublesome." Golden eyes flashed.

"Nemu had better succeed, I'm getting tired of rebuilding her."

**X.x.X**

"Byakuya-taichou! Hitsugaya-taichou!"

"Abarai." Byakuya said shortly, quirking a brow at the redhead. "I have been looking for you."

Renji blinked, looking between the two captain's solemn expressions. "...I've been looking for you too, Byakuya-taichou." He said cautiously. "There's a spy in Se-"

"We know." Hitsugaya interrupted, looking round the alleyway they had bumped into each other in. "This isn't the place to talk about it. Kurotsuchi-taichou already knows about Kurosaki."

"Yeah. I heard him mutter something about it." Renji nodded, brown eyes flickering about for any eavesdroppers. "So what do we do? Sniff out the spy?"

Hitsugaya frowned. "Not now." He jerked his head in a gesture to move. "We'll discuss this in my office."

Renji couldn't help but liken Seireitei to Rome at that moment. "Cloak and dagger stuff, huh?" He muttered under his breath, but followed the two captains anyway. "Dammit, Ichigo. I hope you don't get caught by that creep."

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**A/N: **Dun, dun, duuuuuuun!

I can't wait for the 11th chapter! ¬.¬ Urhm…for…no reason. (Almost gave a spoiler there).

Well, the plot starting to move (finally), Mayuri has made his move, Renji, Byakuya and Hitsugaya are acting as Roman politicians and Hichigo and Ichigo's relationship is getting better…I think…

Stay tuned for the next one!

**NEXT TIME ON DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARASERIE: EPISODE #10: SURVIVAL!**

Hichigo: Ya stay th' Hell away ya freaky doll!

Nemu: I can't do that. I have been ordered to capture the both of you.

Hichigo: Tch. Poisoned or not, I can still kick ya ass, bitch!

**UNTIL NEXT TIME FOLKS! WHO'LL WIN?**

**KIVAEMBER…OUT!!**


	10. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sorry Guys! This is only an author's note, not the impatiently awaited chappie of Dysfunctional Camaraderie. I apologize for the wait thus far, and I did spend a few minutes trying to think up of a reasonable story-

**Rei: **Liar! You just watched some yaoi porn on the school's computer!

Technicalities. Anyway, the bottom line is...is that I can't write the battle scene. I did get the.amethyst.alchemist to help with it, but we've both been distracted and well, I got started on other stories while I attempted to practice battle scenes with DC on the backburner. This is just to say that I haven't abandoned it, just that it's unfortunately on a hiatus while I write the next two chapters left. We're on the last legs of this story people!

**Rei: **And left them on a cliffhanger for months.

Shut up. They will forgive me once they read the final chapter. Ahem, anyway, I only ask that you wait for just at least until Christmas, please, and I will reward you with the final chapters and a large portion of HichiIchi at the end. (Bows) I'm really sorry once again for leaving it too long.

**Rei: **Don't forgive her, she deserves some bashing 8D

Shut _up_ you useless muse! Well, anyway, please be patient and thank you for reading DC so far!


	11. SURVIVAL!

**Title: **Dysfunctional Camaraderie

**Pairing: **HichixIchi

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **

**Summary: **HichiIchi. Ch. 10: Hichigo gets put in his place and discovers that Hollows and Kidos don't mix. HichiIchi

**Word Count: **4'825 words

**A/N: **Okay, I've sorta finished the last few chapters of this (I say sorta because I've written out the basics of the next chapter so now Ive gotta edit and writ out the epilogue), so I've broken my promise BUT they will be done before the year is out. For now, enjoy this peace offering of the finalie starting.

Enjoy!

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"_Law of Juvenile Omnipotence: Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst."_

_--- The Forty Six Laws of Anime, Darrin Bright & Ryan Shellito_** 666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666**

**EPISODE # 10: SURVIVAL!**

Kon sighed in relief, slamming Ichigo's bedroom door shut and practically collapsing upon the bed with a throaty groan. The redhead he was supposed to be acting as was too depressing, too...too Ichigo! The gikongan groaned into the bed's quilt again, dreading the time when the substitute Shinigami would return for his living body and stuff him in the lion plushie - and right into Yuzu's evil hands.

Kon shuddered, a small whimper slipping past his lips. No matter what everyone said, Yuzu was far more evil then that Aizen Shinigami. He'd rather face down Ichigo's crazy Hollow a hundred...no, a thousand times before willingly playing teacup parties with inanimate dolls, dressed in the most humiliating outfits ever!

He's a guy! The mane should be enough to indicate that!!!

Bolstered by his anger, the gikongan leapt from his despondent sprawl on the bed and perched on the windowsill of the open window.

"That's it! I'm gonna go tell that idiot Ichigo to never stick me in that plushie again! Even if...that Hollow is there!" In his mind's eye, a skit of him standing up brave in a superhero pose flashed past. "Yeah!" With a war cry, the gikongan jumped from the window's ledge driven by determination.

Of course, this lasted for all four seconds when from the corner of his eye, a brief glimpse of movement, hostile movement, made him try to back pedal in mid air - which only succeeded in making him look like a moron rather than accomplishing aerial movement. The multiple black blurs breezed past, a voice shouting that he 'wasn't the one'.

Kon landed neatly on the ground, amber eyes blinking rapidly as the blurs vanished in the direction of that crazy clog wearing merchant's place. A feeling of dread gnawed at his stomach and the gikongan dithered between trying to beat the blurs to crazy clog guy's place to warn Ichigo (because everything that looked like a threat flocked to the teen, the damn redhead was like a danger magnet) or to go back into the Kurosaki Clinic and wait it out. After all, Ichigo was in Shinigami form, right? And he had his friends and that crazy Hollow out! Plus, he owed nothing to Ichigo!

His determination on telling Ichigo off was forgotten, the gikongan meekly turned back into the house. He was sure that he could avoid the family for a while...

**X.x.X**

"There we go! Cured!"

Ichigo cringed at Hanataro's proud exclamation, cautiously flexing stiff muscles. "I still feel stiff though." He muttered, groaning when a twinge of pain jolted through his joints. "Ow."

"Well..." The meek Shinigami's victorious grin faltered slightly. "I couldn't get rid of the poison immediately, so the medicine is a catalyst for increasing the reaction speed..." Fidgeting slightly, he continued. "So basically, it's being flushed out of your system at a faster speed. You'll feel stiff for a day or two, and then you'll be back to your normal strength in no time!"

Ichigo sighed. It was better then being bedridden he supposed. "Thanks Hanataro, I really appreciate it."

Hanataro's cheeks reddened in a pleased blush. "A-ah! Don't mention it! I was just doing my job!"

Hichigo, who had been sulking in the corner for the past hour, rolled his eyes. "Ugh. So wha' now?" He muttered, obviously irked by the fact that his King was no longer helpless to his merciless hands.

Ichigo turned his head stiffly to his inner Hollow, brows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

Hichigo scowled, tossing his head agitatedly and ignoring the flare of pain that action brought. Maybe he should've accepted the antidote...no! He was a Hollow, and Hollows didn't need antidotes from little mousey Shinigami!

"Ya forgotten already, King? I'm a Hollow. I'm prob'ly gonna pop up on those Soul Pagers eventually (if I haven' already) an' have all sort o' freaks comin' after me..." His mind flicked briefly to Zaraki. "An' I don't wanna hide like some fuckin' coward either."

"Well, you'll probably have to, Hollow." Ishida quipped, adjusting his glasses as the albino turned to scowl at him. "Unless you can hide out in Heuco Mundo..."

"Like hell!" Hichigo snapped. "Where King goes, I go. End o' story. 'Sides," His voice dropped to a sulky mumble. "I dunno if this is permanent."

"It should be." Urahara chirped at last, pausing his scrutinizing of the antidote Hanataro had concocted. "This arrangement gives you both a lot of freedom...though it would be wise not to separate too far from each other. At the moment the connection between you two is still raw, too far apart and it could hurt when that connection snaps from the strain." The blond shopkeeper blinked. "Oh, and you'll die a horrible, gruesome death too."

Ichigo sighed. Again. "Oh great. And here I thought I had a chance to get rid of him." He muttered irritably. "So, how far is 'too far'?"

"Oooh..." Urahara closed his eyes thoughtfully. "At the moment? I'm not sure. It'll increase over time, though."

Ichigo's frown degraded into a scowl. "So I can't keep him here, either."

"Ahem!" Hichigo coughed pointedly. "I ain't a fuckin' dog tha' ya can pass around, King! An' ya need me t' make sure ya won't trip over an' impale yerself on Zangetsu. Yer clumsy an' stupid like tha'." He snickered when the redhead snarled at him, narrowing inverted eyes mischievously. "An' ya need me t' fight yer battles for ya, anyway, since yer such a pansy ass-"

"Shut it, Hollow!" Ichigo snapped. "Before I ram my foot up your ass in a minute!"

Hichigo honestly couldn't resist. "Are ya sure ya don' wanna stick somethin' else up my ass, Ich-i-go?" He purred suggestively, giving a sultry wink as well. "'Cause I'm all fer tha' if ya let me do th' same."

Ichigo choked on his rage; face turning a brilliant crimson as Urahara coughed suspiciously behind his fan. "Yes, well, that aside." The shopkeeper hummed in a strained voice. "He'll just have to stick by you until the whole process is complete, and by then we're not sure what'll happen."

"I'll tell you what'll happen." Ichigo snarled in an ominous tone. "What'll happen is that he'd be castrated by the end of this!"

Hichigo could've made more homosexual jokes (because really, his King was just far too amusing being all flustered), but the insane glint in amber eyes made him pause. Pushing his King too far would not be good for the fate of his balls, and he might need them later on. "Geeze, take a joke, King." He scoffed, but noticeably scooted a few inches away from the irate teen. "I was only kiddin'."

Ichigo huffed, twisting away and crossing his arms stiffly, cheeks still a vivid crimson. "It's not funny, Hollow." He snapped.

"Tch. Prude." Hichigo huffed, copying his King's position and glaring at Zangetsu propped up against the wall, mentally blaming the solemn Zanpaktou for the whole situation. _'He's_ _th' one who told us t' make th' truce...'_

Rukia, who had been watching the scene unfold with no little amusement, pushed an idea forth. "We can let Kon act as Ichigo for a little while longer, right? I mean, how long will it take for the connection to strengthen?"

Urahara turned away from the sulking pair with a grin. "Between a month and two years."

"I'm not letting Kon act like me for a month, let alone two fucking years!" Ichigo growled, images of his reputation shattering before his very eyes from a tough, honour roll student to a perverted goofball flashing through his mind. He almost curled up in a dark corner somewhere at the injustice of it all. "I guess I'll just have to suffer with him and stuff him in the closet when anyone is near."

Hichigo twitched, an odd look passing over his face. "Th' closet?" He drawled with distaste.

"Hey!" The redhead whirled upon his inner Hollow. "It worked with Rukia so it can work with you!"

"Yeah, bu' she's a midget!" Hichigo cried, flailing a white clad arm in the direction of the scowling female Shinigami. "I'm twice th' size she is, so I wouldn' fit in yer fuckin' cupboard!" The albino seemed close to throwing a temper tantrum, and actually stomped his foot childishly. "Nuh uh! I ain't doin' it!"

"Why not?" Ichigo's eyes narrowed, a smirk lifting his scowl. Could this be the chance for retribution for all the shit that crazy albino put him through at last? "You have claustrophobia or something?"

Hichigo scoffed loudly. "No! I jus' don' wanna go in yer smelly cupboard."

"You do have claustrophobia!" Ichigo crowed, happy that he finally had blackmail on the aggravating albino. His inner Hollow squawked angrily, but he ploughed on. "Who'd thought that a big bad Hollow like you would be scared of small spaces? Or is it the dark? What a baby."

"Shut up! I don' have claustrophobia ya...ya multi-coloured skittle!"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Exactly as it sounds, King! Despite yer prudish nature yer a fuckin' fruitloop!"

"You're the one thinking of gay sex positions!"

"An' I'm a part o' ya, so what does tha' tell ya, bitch!?"

"That doesn't count! You're a sick, twisted individual and there's no way you're anything like me!"

Urahara seemed quite content in watching the two battle verbally, grinning like a loon as Rukia grimaced lightly. "Oh dear lord...they're like a married couple."

Ishida shuddered as Hanataro cowered.

"I'll make ya taste the fuckin' rainbow in a minute, manwhore!"

"If anyone's the whore, it's you!"

"A whore, eh? Well I'll bet ya would know 'bout tha' since ya-"

"Enough!" Ishida barked, not really wanting the albino Hollow to continue that sentence. "As amusing as watching you two squabble like children is, it's getting us nowhere." The Quincy adjusted his glasses again, ignoring the smouldering glares sent his way. "You'll just have to stay here until we figure out a way to hide the Hollow."

"Like Hell I'm staying here." Ichigo snarled. "I'm going home to sleep in my own bed, kick Kon outta my body and forget that all this ever happened!"

"Not necessarily in tha' order." Hichigo muttered under his breath.

"Quiet, you!" Ichigo barked.

Bloodshed was inevitable.

**X.x.X**

"Y'know," The hollow's echoing voice broke the silence of the dark street. Ichigo, who walked beside his counterpart, growled in annoyance. Couldn't Hichigo shut up for once? "Yer still walkin' a lil' stiff, King. Don' tell me tha' yer still sick?"

"As I remember correctly, you were sick too." The hollow flicked a pale hand at his replica, as if brushing away the comment.

"Me? Hollows never ge' sick!" Ichigo snorted in disbelief. "Wha'!? Ya don' believe me?" The redhead let out a weak laugh.

"Hell no. You were just as messed up as I was, so stop denying it." The hollow simply huffed at his comrade and kept on walking down the deserted street.

"I'm no' denyin' nothin'!" Ichigo smirked widely, which slightly unnerved the hollow. "Whaddya smirkin' 'bout, King?" He asked suspiciously.

"So you agree that you were sick?" Ichigo prompted slyly. Hichigo growled back at him.

"I though' I jus' told ya! I'm no' denyin' noth-" His black eyes widened with realization as Ichigo's grin widened further. "Argh! Curse ya Japanese language an' yer double negatives!" He shook his fist weakly at the sky, causing Ichigo to burst into laughter.

"It's no' funny!" Ichigo continued to laugh quietly, amused by his counterpart's distress. "Stop laughin', bitch!" But Ichigo didn't listen and continued to chuckle under his breath, the redhead's amber eyes glittering with suppressed mirth.

"Tch. Fine." Hichigo harrumphed, throwing his arms up violently before crossing them, poutily sulking as the two continued down the network of alleyways that would eventually lead to the Kurosaki Clinic.

Before a subtle flare of reiatsu tingled on the edges of the Hollow's senses and alerted him to someone else's presence.

Abruptly stopping and allowing his King to walk ahead of him, Hichigo frowned and half turned to peer at the deserted alleyway behind them. The flare vanished, and the mild suspicion the Hollow felt exploded into full blown paranoia.

"Hey." Ichigo's voice sounded muted against the heavy pound of adrenaline thrumming in Hichigo's ears. "What's the hold up? Drop something?"

Hichigo didn't answer immediately, squinting inverted eyes before snorting and tossing his head in agitation, turning back to his bemused King. "I dunno. Prob'ly bein'-"

The flare returned, a burst of hostile intention triggering alarm bells in the Hollow's head and causing him to whirl round, pale hand reaching behind him reflexively for a weapon that wasn't there just as a black blur smashed into his chest with all the force of a speeding bullet train.

Ichigo yelped and sidestepped in time to avoid being ploughed over by the Hollow, watching the pale form impact onto the hard ground and rolled backwards unsteadily to his feet. "What the…?" The Shinigami's head snapped round to their mysterious assailant, expecting a monstrous Hollow, and did a double take.

It was not a Hollow who stood there, but rather a female Shinigami. Ichigo cursed under his breath and shifted into an offensive stance, hand flying to the handle of Zangetsu as his mind whirred into action. '_A Shinigami!?' _His amber eyes flicked over her._ 'No! Not yet! How could the Soul Society have found out about us so soon?! Did someone tell them!?'_

The woman remained motionless, blank eyes holding the cautious glare of the redheaded Shinigami. Something niggled in the back of Ichigo's head, something about her poking viciously at his overactive instincts. She seemed delicate, eyes blank and her form exuding submissiveness. She seemed almost fragile.

Except the whole punching Hichigo fifteen feet down the alleyway kind of ruined the 'fragile' look.

Reminded of Hichigo, the Shinigami stole a quick peek over his shoulder to see how he was and smirked at the albino swearing up a storm and scrambling up on his feet. "Never get sick, huh?" He snorted in a mix of teasing and relief, eyes turning back to the woman.

"_**SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHE GOT ME BY SURPRISE!!!"**_

Ichigo deduced that the Hollow was fine.

"Kurosaki Ichigo." The mystery woman finally spoke, interrupting Hichigo's ranting. "I, Nemu Kurotsuchi, 12th Squad Fukutaicho, have come to apprehend you." Her face was plain, betraying nothing. It sent a shiver of unease down Ichigo's spine.

"Twelfth?" Hichigo grumbled somewhere behind Ichigo, the sound of footsteps padding lazily towards the Shinigami not breaking the rapidly building tension. "Ain't tha' th' squad in charge o' research an' development?"

"That is correct, Hollow."

"Tch. Fuck." Hichigo was directly beside his King now, scowling irritably at the stoic woman. "Tha' fuckin' hurt, bitch."

"You are a hindrance. You needed to be removed."

"Gimme Zangetsu, King." The Hollow ordered Ichigo brusquely, glowering with smouldering gold eyes at the female Fukutaichou and brandishing his middle finger at her. Nemu's expression did not even twitch.

Ichigo stared at his Hollow for a long moment before suddenly kicking him in the shin. With a yelp, Hichigo bounced away, leg jerking up to instinctively clutch at the injured area with pale hands. "Wha' th' _fuck_, King!?"

"Don't just shoulder in and think I'm defenceless!" Ichigo snapped, swinging his Zanpakuto out and jabbing the Hollow in the side. A glare was his response. "I can take care of myself!"

"Yeeeeeah…" Hichigo drawled, stomping his foot down and smirking arrogantly at his King. "'Coz ya did _sooo_ well when tha' albino weirdo kick yer ass."

"S-Shut up!"

"Excuse me." Nemu regained the squabbling two's attention, blank eyes blinking slowly as their combined glares made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle warningly. "I have to interrupt this. Kurosaki Ichigo, please come quietly or I will have to use force to subdue you."

"Go righ' ahead." Hichigo snorted, jerking his thumb at the redheaded Shinigami. "I bet he'd like bein' 'subdued'."

"Will you _stop_ with the gay jokes!?"

Hichigo giggled maniacally. "I never implied ya were gay wit' tha' one, an' tha' was incriminatin' in itself."

"I do not understand." Nemu questioned, confused by her target's behaviour.

"Ignore him." Ichigo snarled, whirling upon the female Shinigami and brandishing Zangetsu viciously. "I'm not going anywhere with you. Take him instead."

"Can ya feel th' love?" Hichigo drawled to the sky, lips curled into a teasing grin.

"He is not my target." The female Shinigami responded before leaping into motion, her form nothing more than a flicker of black as she almost instantaneously appeared inside of the redhead's guard, arm pulled back and fingers squeezed together. Ichigo was only able to bark out the beginning of a curse before Nemu shot her hand forward and struck him in the abdomen, the ends of her fingers sinking deep into his flesh.

Ichigo spluttered in shock, a choked wheeze slipping past his lips as he sagged over the hand now buried deep in his stomach. He stared up in surprise at those eerily blank eyes and snarled in determination, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth. "D-Damn you…!"

"Oooh." The Hollow's bubbly voice could only be described as angrily amused, a pale hand latching around Nemu's wrist and squeezing tight enough for the bones to crunch together ominously. "Tha' looks painful, yer Highness." Ichigo's eyes slid slowly to meet narrowed gold. "Don' think yer uterus will be good fer use after this."

"…Fuck…_you_…" Ichigo spat, jerking away from the intrusion buried in his stomach and stumbling back, palm pressed against the gaping hole to try to stave off the bleeding. "Fucking…fucking _retard_."

A sickening crack was the response given as Nemu's wrist snapped under the pressure of Hichigo's grip, followed by a near maniacal giggle. "Retard, possibly." He cooed, releasing the now broken wrist and allowing the female Shingami to retreat a few steps, the woman's expression not betraying the pain she _must_ have been feeling. "Doesn' change th' fact I can now use Zangetsu."

Ichigo snarled again as his inner Hollow deftly snatched his Zanpakuto from his loose grip and twirled it experimentally, the white bandage twisting and curving like a decorative banner. "Got me by surprise…" He mumbled to himself, glaring at the shit eating grin on the albino's face.

"Sooo…Ms. Bitch." Hichigo giggled gleefully, inverted eyes zeroing in on the female Shinigami. The gold irises were intense, practically glowing against the black sclera, and pupils dilated as the primal lust for battle purred through the Hollow's body. "As punishment fer harmin' King o' th' Pansies, ya get…death! Ain't tha' wonderful!?"

Nemu silently stared back, unable to hold back the feeling like she was being cornered despite the wideness of the alleyway. She rotated her broken wrist and decided that it was not debilitating. This was only a simple Hollow after all, and Kurotsuchi-taichou's order _must_ be carried out successfully.

"Hmmm…" Hichigo licked his lips. "Shall we start?"

**X.x.X**

Rukia lifted her head up suddenly as a shockwave of reiatsu coursed through her. "Ichigo!" She cried out suddenly. Leaping to her feet, she whriled upon the others who were already scrambling up. "Everyone! Ichigo's in danger!"

Urahara sighed, shaking his head. "That poor boy…always attracting so much _attention_…" But his grey eyes were serious. "But from Kurotsuchi…"

Rukia froze, horror dawning in her eyes. "No…" She whispered before dashing towards the exit of Urahara Shoten, leaving the unusually solemn looking blond behind. She couldn't allow that creep of a captain get his hands on Ichigo! The things he'd…the rumours she heard of that…that _man_! She pumped her legs harder and practically flew out of the shop down the street.

She had barely made it a block, before she found her way barred by at least a dozen Shinigami. Screeching to a halt, she glared at the men who blocked her way, drawing her Zanpakuto with a intimidating snarl.

"What is the meaning of this?! Move!" She roared. One of the Shinigami stepped forward, smirking.

"I'm afraid we can't do that. We've been ordered here by our Captain, and we won't leave until our mission is complete." He stated formally. Without warning, the man drew his sword and ran forward at Rukia, with his men following close behind. Their swords met in a shower of sparks, the more diminutive Shinigami forcing the multiple blades back with almost inhuman strength. Rukia was _not_ going to let these upstarts keep her from helping Ichigo!

"Why are you doing this!?" She snarled, beating her attackers back and gaining some ground between them. "It's Kurotsuchi-taichou, isn't it!? What does he want with Ichigo!?"

"That's not your place to know." The ringleader snickered, smirking as he raised his blade. "Because soon the mission would be complete!" The group of Shinigami laughed at the cryptic sentence, not noticing the female Shinigami becoming more and more enraged.

With a hiss of fury, Rukia leaped backwards and raised her sword in front of her. Power swelled up within her and pulsed around her as she cried out;

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

**X.x.X**

"Oooow! Ow! Bitch!"

Ichigo snorted weakly at his Hollow's undignified sprawl on the alleyway floor, but eyed the Fukutaichou with caution. Despite gaining sadistic pleasure at seeing that annoying Hollow finally get put in his place, he also realised the severity of the situation that Hichigo's loss would mean his immediate kidnapping and possible death (he was pretty sure being transported to another realm was too far for this new 'connection' to handle).

Hichigo grumbled as he climbed to his feet, clenching his fingers around Zangetsu's handle. "Yer no' playin' yer role righ'!" He roared childishly. Seeing the Fukutaichou remain silent, expression blank, the Hollow's temper boiled over and with a feral snarl Hichigo charged forwards, a howl tearing from his throat.

Nemu leapt up into the air, somersaulting over the furious Hollow, and spinning quickly around to strike him in the back with her foot. Hichigo cried out as he was knocked forward, and the grip on his sword loosened. With a crash, he hit the pavement and his blade was thrown from his grasp.

Growling in blind rage, and barely noticing the loss of his weapon, Hichigo spun around on the ground, kicking off with his feet and flying toward the vice captain with blind fury. He stretched out a black-nailed hand, and attempted to rake his claws down her face. But Nemu was quick, and blocked the blow with her forearm. Hichigo tried again and again, but each in vain. The poison had weakened his body, and his strength and speed had greatly diminished, leaving him vulnerable to such an attack. Unless a miracle transpired, the situation looked grim indeed. "You bitch! I'll kill ya!" Hichigo screamed at the cloaked Shinigami, who was matching his movements blow for blow. Every strike he made, she would simply counterattack, blocking his hits, or diverting them, and then striking back out with her own hand. He was getting weaker, he could feel it. This couldn't go on much longer.

Nemu leapt away from her pale opponent, dodging out of the way as he made another swipe at her with his clawed hand. Still in the air, the vice captain put her hands together in the customary position for an offensive attack, a Kido.

"Hado thirty-one, Shot of Red Fire!" She cried out, unwavering voice still not betraying even the slightest hint of emotion. The centre of her hand glowed red hot, and with sound of gunshot, a blast of crimson fire exploded from her open palm. The burning sphere shot toward the weakened hollow, and hit him square in the chest, sending him crashing to the ground with an earsplitting scream of pain.

Alarmed, Ichigo tried to squint through the dust blown up from the explosion and straightened up from his hunched position. "Hollow!?" He called out, only able to feel anger and pain from their mental connection. "Hey!"

Nemu landed back onto the ground gracefully, glancing quickly at the smoking crater that had formed not ten feet away, before turning away and marched towards Ichigo, blank eyes focused on the redheaded Shinigami. Ichigo growled, grimacing at the surge of pain lancing through his abdomen as he tried to take a step towards his fallen blade. "_Fuck…_" He hissed.

But then Nemu vanished from his sight and he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder from behind. He stiffened, breath catching in his throat and his fingers reflexively digging into the wound in his stomach.

"You are apprehended." The dead voice stated before the fingers squeezed and Ichigo felt his limbs become weak, his consciousness suddenly slipping away from his desperate grasp.

"N-no!" He tore away from Nemu's grip – or tried to. His legs buckled and the last thing he saw before he fell into unconsciousness and hit the floor was Hichigo's motionless body collapsed in the smoking crater Nemu's Kido had left behind.

**X.x.X**

A black butterfly fluttered across the battlefield, and the attacking Shinigami immediately stopped their actions and retreated back from the furious, panting Kuchiki, the two eyeing each other furiously.

"That was the signal." The ringleader spoke, smirking at Rukia through the blood spattered across his face from a marring slash inflicted upon his left eye. "Our Fukutaichou completed her mission." Then the group vanished.

After glaring at the empty space, Rukia released an aggravated shout and clenched the hilt of her Zanpakuto in anger. "Ichigo…" She snarled and bolted towards the location where she _should've_ felt her friend's reiatsu.

"_ICHIGO!"_

**X.x.X**

Hichigo felt sick.

Pushing himself weakly onto one arm, his other hand raised to the matted crimson mess on the side of his head, rivulets of blood leaking between shaking, pale fingers. Confusion swirled round his shattered mind, mismatched pupils stinging from the light streaming through the grey clouds above.

"Wha...what...happened?" The Hollow groaned, shifting into a sitting position despite the fact that he really wanted to lie down and fall asleep again. He felt dizzy, weak, and ready to throw up any second. He pulled his hand back, struggling to focus on the dark crimson blood staining his palm. Indeed, what happened?

He teetered forwards, but he caught himself at the last second, cradling his head once more in a bloodstained hand. He wanted to sleep, but something whispered in his head, loud and aggravating, that falling asleep with a head injury was a bad idea. He glanced up, groaning again when he couldn't make heads or tails of where he was.

It was like someone had crammed a jigsaw puzzle of conflicting images in his brain, unable to sort them in an understandable pattern. He closed his eyes, trying to keep the bile from rising in his throat as he swayed again, fighting off the seductive purr of unconsciousness. He tried to think beyond the pounding headache, the confusion, the nausea to remember what happened!

"'Ey...King..." He mumbled, slurred and almost incomprehensible. He frowned when he received no answer, unfocused golden eyes cracking open and cautiously glancing round his surroundings. From the swirling, disjointed images he could sort out, he was completely alone. His brain tried to kick into high gear then, only increasing the pain and confusion to epic proportions.

Then, something which Hichigo would be embarrassed about until the day he died, he panicked.

"King!" Bolting upright, he stumbled; hand darting out to balance himself against something (a wall...?) as breathing suddenly became hard, eyes wide and panicked.

"King!" Something was constricting his lungs, the light headedness increasing as the surroundings blurred to a mere grey and red smudge in his eyes. "Where- where is King!?"

It wasn't right. He always knew where King was! Always!!! Where was he!? Where!?!?

Stumbling forwards, his breaths were mere, quick gasps. The thought of King suddenly gone made his stomach roil even more, panic consumed his mind of any rational thought and the only thought running though his head was; _'find King, find king, find King,' _as some broken mantra.

"Hollow!"

He couldn't recognize the shout, but he growled drunkenly, sagging against the support as the pain made him squeeze his eyes shut. There was a muttered curse, near or far away, he couldn't tell and a hand gripping his arm. He couldn't shrug it off as he bristled at the touch, he couldn't tell if he was standing or lying down, upright or sideways. But none of that mattered. He could be on Mars for all he knew. He needed to find King.

Dizzy. The shouts or whispers were droning, white noise in his ears. But it was that moment when he realized where King was, and the recognition did nothing for his panicked mind. Instead, it just increased it to the point where it felt like his brain short circuited from the pressure and blanked out.

What happened was something Ishida would hold over his head for years to come: Hichigo fainted from horror.

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**A/N: **DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!

Quickly click on the next chapter button to find out what happens next!


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